The Dance You Choose
by stardust2002
Summary: Set approximately three months into season 3. Now AU. Spoilers for seasons 1,2 and 3. Kara is back and Lee is trying to deal with her, and what his life's become. LD and LK, references to KS. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

The Dance You Choose

This is a story set somewhere after season three begins, approximately 3 months in. It's an introspective piece about Lee's life and where it's going. Spoilers for everything up to date - including season 3. LeeDee and LeeKara. The story title is borrowed from a song of the same name sung by (but I don't think written by) Aselin Debison, a Canadian artist.

**ooooooooooooooooo**

So it began again. Anther day, same as all the rest. Lee began to wonder if maybe the people who'd perished on New Caprica had been the lucky ones. He even envied Colonel Tigh - he'd been tortured and then killed. How sick was that?

But Lee's life had no flavour, no spice. It was nice and good ... mostly easy but boring. He'd taken on the job of XO of Galactica since Tigh was gone and the beast had been destroyed, but truth be told, he really wasn't all that excited about it. Working so closely with his father had gone much better than he'd anticipated, even though some had voiced concerns about the two top military positions both being held by people with the name Adama. The two of them had developed a good working relationship with the newly reinstated Laura Roslin and for the most part, things were going well between the military and civilian factions.

"Major? Are you with us?"

Lee blinked a few times. He still wasn't used to that title - he'd only had it a very short while before becoming a Commander and now he'd been demoted, being that there could only be one commander per ship. He was more used to being called Captain, as that rank had been his for much longer than Commander, but Major seemed to be what it was settling on for now. He brought himself back to reality with an effort.

"Yes, yes of course," he said, blushing as Roslin's face wore a bemused grin at his discomfiture.

"Well then perhaps you could get on that today already," Adama said coyly, knowing Lee hadn't been listening and wanting to give him just a little bit of grief for it.

Lee reddened even more. "Could you um ... give a quick summary?" he asked.

"Nothing like a little daydream," Roslin said, smiling. "Youth - they still have something to dream about."

"I'd hate to think the young have the monopoly on dreaming Madam President," Adama said, eyes twinkling.

She turned her mega-watt smile on him. "So would I Admiral. But at least we're still young at heart."

Lee could have sworn she was flirting with him. And he would be damned if his father wasn't flirting back.

"You look like you've only gotten younger since I've known you," Adama shot back, and the two of them rose from their chairs, eyes locked on one another's, oblivious to Lee still sitting there.

"Ahem ... my assignment?" Lee said pointedly.

"Oh yes," Adama said, clearing his throat. "We need to assemble teams to elicit whatever resources we can from the planet before we resume our search for earth."

"Okay ..." Lee said slowly.

"Since you have a better relationship with the ... residents of the Astral Queen, I thought perhaps you might be able to convince some of them to help us," Roslin suggested tactfully.

Lee's eyes narrowed but he couldn't help but smile at her. She had such a way with people.

"Well, things are little more strained with Zarek since the election ... the latest cylon attack ... I'm not sure he'd be willing to work with me now," Lee said honestly.

"There are others," Adama volunteered. "You have a way of convincing them that went over pretty well last time. Just give it a try. Our resources are stretched a bit thin, what with people rejoining us and training new pilots ..." Adama trailed off but Lee knew what he was thinking about. Kara. She'd had a lot of trouble readjusting to life on a battlestar and things were still going slowly. Very slowly. She had in fact not only had trouble readjusting to military life - which she still wasn't really a part of - but had had trouble readjusting to reality as well. The cylon occupation of New Caprica had perhaps been hardest of all on her. They'd taken her prisoner and kept her for a month - brainwashed her to believe her life was something totally different than what it really was, and she was having difficulty sorting out what was real and what wasn't. Lee's heart broke to see her this way. She wasn't the Starbuck he remembered, nor was she even the Kara he'd caught glimpses of every now and again when she'd dropped her defences and let him in. This woman was a total stranger. His first visit to see her had been worse than his scariest nightmare.

_She'd had to brought on board in handcuffs. Despite her obviously malnourished and emaciated frame, she'd put up a hell of a struggle and had screamed and kicked, even when Adama, a hopefully soothing familiar face, had tried to convince her to come home._

_"I'm not leaving! My husband is here! My baby - I'm not leaving them here! I don't know who you are or what you want, just leave me alone!"_

_Adama had ordered her handcuffed and brought to Galactica anyway, in the hopes she'd regain some sense of calm in a familiar environment. It hadn't worked well at first and she'd had to be taken to the brig and secured in order that she not hurt anyone in her desperation to get back to the planet._

_Lee had gone to see her that first day, of course - despite their monstrous fight just over a year ago, he still cared for her and needed to see for himself that she was okay. But she was far from okay._

_"Who are you and why are you keeping me here?'" she stated defiantly, arms crossed over her chest. Lee couldn't help but notice how thin her arms were. All her usual muscle definition was gone, replaced by bruises and scars._

_"It's me, Lee," he said gently, approaching her slowly. "Don't you recognize me?"_

_"Stay away from me," she said warningly, a cold look in her hazel-green eyes. "You're one of _them _aren't you? I've seen you before. Which model are you?"_

_"I'm not a cylon Kara, I'm your friend. That's why you remember me."_

_She snorted. "Yeah, right. You're one of them. Always messing with our minds to try to make us believe what isn't true."_

_Lee sighed in frustration. "I'm not the enemy. I'm your friend. We've known each other for years. You were engaged to my brother, don't you remember? Zack?"_

_"My husband's name is John," she said coldly. "We've been married six years."_

_"Kara, Zack died four years ago. You married Sam last year. Samuel T. Anders, the Caprica pyramid player. Don't you remember?"_

_She laughed out loud. "That's funny - me marrying a celebrity. I thought you machines had no sense of humour, but I guess I was wrong." Her smile dropped suddenly. "Now let me go. I'm not going to cooperate with you no matter what you do to me."_

_"This is your home Kara - we're your family. We're not going to hurt you."_

_"No you aren't!" she screamed. "Let me go!" And she began pacing the cell like a caged animal._

_Lee backed off, determined to come by again later. In the meanwhile, he needed to think about the things she'd said and figure out what was going on with her. Obviously they had done some serious messing with her mind in order to make her forget everyone and everything she'd known before._

Lee stood up slowly and exhaled. "I'll get on it right away," he said, mind still a million miles away. Scratch that - as far away as the brig; only about a ten minute walk from the briefing room.

"I'll expect a report on my desk first thing tomorrow," Adama said as Lee was leaving.

"Yes sir," he answered quietly. As he left the room, his mind was already on the task ahead - a daunting one to be sure - but for some unknown reason his feet were taking him in the opposite direction from his office. Taking him towards the brig.

He was all but a corridor away when he happened to run into Dee.

"Lee," she said, a smile lighting up her dark features. "How was your meeting?"

He shrugged. "Like usual I suppose. More work to be done."

"I'm off shift in a few hours - do you think we could grab a little ... R and R time?" she winked at him and linked arms with him.

"Doubtful. I have a lot of work to do. I'll be leaving Galactica for a while, and I'm not sure when I'll be coming back."

"Oh," she said, eyes downcast. "Well, I'll see you tonight then?" she asked hopefully.

Lee forced himself to smile. "Of course." They shared a room; now that he was XO he had Tigh's old quarters and Adama had allowed Dee to move in with him. Their relationship was no secret, never had been, but discretion was paramount and the Admiral refused to have people sharing beds in common bunkrooms.

Lee began to walk away.

"Aren't you going the wrong way?" she asked curiously. "The flight deck is that way." She pointed back the way Lee had come.

"I have something to do first." The determined look on his face told her exactly what he was up to.

"You're going to see _her _again, aren't you?'"she asked coldly.

Lee's eyes turned to steel. "Don't start this with me again Ana, please. You know she's my friend. It's my responsibility to help her."

"It is not your responsibility at all. _She's _the one who hurt you, _she's _the one who left - whatever happened to her is exactly what she deserved. She doesn't need you."

"Gods Ana, when did you become so bitchy?" Lee demanded. "_No one _deserves to be treated the way she was. Torture is never an option, even with the enemy. Stop being so frakking jealous and go get back to work."

"Is that an order, _sir _?" she asked, face set resolutely.

"Yes it is," he growled. "Dismissed."

As he heard he steps walking away, he felt bad for jumping all over her. He knew he shouldn't use his rank in order to make her do what he wanted, but sometimes she was just more frustrating than he could handle. Things had gone really well for them ... until his fight with Kara. They'd been rocky for some time after that but had managed to iron things out, since Kara had conveniently gone to the planet and not been around anymore. Now that she was back, Lee was spending a fair amount of time with her. She was one very damaged woman and he knew that the only way to get her back was for her to have people who cared about her and loved her around to help her. Dee didn't seem to be able to handle it though. She'd always been jealous of Kara - she and Lee had been very close and many crew members thought there was more to their relationship that they let on - and she just couldn't deal with her being back. Lee had always thought she was such a nice girl and hadn't realized the extent of her jealous nature - until now.

"Hey there, how are you doing today?" he asked as he walked in and sat down outside Kara's cell.

"Nice to see you too number four," Kara quipped dryly. She still wouldn't believe he wasn't a cylon, but since he came to visit her every day she'd given him a nickname.

"My name is Lee," he said patiently, like he did every day.

"So you say. I've only heard you refer to each other as numbers though, so why would you need a name?"

"Boomer had a name," he objected.

"Yeah, and she was a cylon pretending to be a human. Are you one too? Pretending to be human in order to convince me that what you're saying is true? 'Cause I'm just not believing you."

Lee didn't answer. Instead he studied her carefully. She'd been with them five days now and there was no sign of her memory returning yet. She still thought her life was down on that planet and that he and his father were her captors. She looked tired - there were dark circles under her eyes and from what the guard had told him, she hadn't slept at all since being brought in. Lee decided then and there to get the doc to give her some sleeping pills. She needed her rest if her mind was ever to be intact again.

"I've got to get to work now. I just wanted to stop in and say hi and see how you were doing."

"Well, other than being locked up, forcefed disgusting food and being kept away from my family, I'm doing fine," she spat out angrily.

"I really hope you come back to us soon Kara," he said softly, wishing he could touch her, but she wouldn't let him within two feet of her.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

The day had been a long and arduous one for Lee. He'd negotiated with terrorists, sorry, former terrorists, recruited people from the Geminon Traveler and been to the planet and back. Fortunately though, there had been little objection on anyone's part to helping. It seemed everyone was only too happy to leave their experiences on New Caprica behind as fast as they could.

He climbed into bed, much later than usual, to find Dee's sleeping form hidden under the blankets. Good, at least he didn't have to justify himself again. He was getting awfully sick of arguing with her, even though it had only been a few days. He fell into a dreamless sleep but was woken a few hours later.

"Major Adama to the brig. Pass the word to Major Adama - Major Adama report to the brig."

"Frak," he said, pulling himself towards consciousness slowly. Then he realized exactly _what _the announcement had said. He was to report to the brig - something must be wrong with Kara.

He dressed quickly after that and ran all the way there, somewhat out of breath by the time he arrived, considering his unfit condition.

"What's the problem?" he asked the guard as he burst through the door. The guard just pointed at Kara. She was laying curled up in the fetal position on the bed, shaking like a leaf.

"Lee! Lee - help me!" she shouted in her sleep. "Lee! Lee ..."

"Let me in," he demanded of the guard.

"But sir, the Admiral said ..." he objected.

"Frak the Admiral, LET ME IN!"

"Yes sir."

Lee strode in and sat down on the bed beside her and began to stroke her forehead. "Kara, it's me, Lee."

She opened her eyes and for a moment he saw the old Kara there. "Lee, you came," she whispered and flung herself at him. He lay down on the bunk beside her and gathered her into his arms.

"It's okay, I'm here. I won't let anyone hurt you," he whispered into her hair, and began to stroke her back gently to lull her back to sleep. It took a little while but eventually the shakes stopped and her deep, even breathing told him she was asleep again.

Lee sighed. It was going to be a long night. And perhaps an even longer day tomorrow.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

The Dance You Choose - chapter 2

**ooooooooooooooooo**

"So, where were you last night?" Dee asked as she fell into step with Lee. Her tone seemed mild but Lee stole a glance at her face and her eyes were full of accusation.

Well, he was nothing if not honest, even when it got him into trouble, so he told her the truth. "With Kara."

Dee's eyes narrowed and she clutched her clipboard so hard her knuckles began to turn white. "I thought so."

Lee reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her mid-corridor. He moved close and spoke in a low voice.

"Listen, I came to bed after a long and arduous day and then barely an hour into my sleep I got called to the brig because she was screaming for me."

She blinked. "You did? I never heard it."

Lee's face grew hard. "Are you calling me a liar?" he asked in a dangerously quiet voice.

"No, no, of course not. I just don't remember hearing it."

"Well maybe that's because we've all grown too soft. Too used to the luxury of not having emergencies anymore. We spent the better part of a year wasting away up here, and even the latest battle was swift and over almost before we could blink. It's a far cry from the days when the cylons were after us every thirty-three minutes."

"So what did she want?" Dee wondered.

"She didn't want anything. She was dreaming and actually seemed to remember me." A wistful smile broke out on his face, then he sighed. "When she woke up, she thought I was one of them again."

"Doesn't she remember _anything _?"

"Not about us. It seemed they've wiped her short-term memory and replaced it with whatever it is they want her to believe."

"Why didn't they just wipe her memory completely?"

Lee shrugged angrily. "If we ever catch one of them alive again you can bet that'll be the first thing I ask."

Dee squirmed uncomfortably in Lee's grip. Every time they talked of Kara he became angry; fiercely possessive of her and defended her no matter what Dee said. She shrank back inside herself just a little more each time, knowing that while he did care for her, his tie to Kara was stronger yet. And now that she was back with them, without her husband, Lee was free and more than likely to rekindle the close friendship they'd once shared. Dee knew it would be the end between her and Lee once that happened - Lee was a man who wholeheartedly threw himself into everything. There wouldn't be room for both of them in his life.

"I um ... I have to get to work. I'm on shift in a few minutes," she said quietly, pulling away from him with an effort.

"You're not to speak of what's going on with her with anyone else, understood?" Lee asked, giving her a direct look.

"My lips are sealed."

"Good."

**oooooooooooooooooo**

"How are you feeling today Kara?" Lee asked softly as he stood leaning on the bars of her cell.

She looked at him with dark, sad eyes but said nothing. She sat on her cot, legs drawn up to her chest, but despite her still pose, Lee could feel the tension in her.

"Guard, let me in the cell please," Lee asked. The guard just raised his eyebrows at him. "She's not going to hurt me. You can stand watch and make sure if you don't believe me."

The guard reluctantly let him in but stood close by the door of the cell instead of returning to his desk.

Lee came and sat beside Kara on the bed. She gave him a sidelong glance and scooted over a few inches, making space between them.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said softly, turning liquid blue eyes on her.

She bit her lip, clearly conflicted. "You keep saying you're my friend."

"I am."

"Then why are you keeping me locked up like I'm some sort of circus animal?" she asked, tears coming into her eyes.

Lee's heart ached for her - she was in such pain. "Because we're afraid the first chance you get you'll steal one of our ships and head back to the planet."

"That's where my family is. That's where I belong." She began to wring her hands together nervously. "I can't leave them - the cylons will get them." A tear dripped out of her eye and wound it's way down her cheek. "I can't lose my daughter," she whispered, barely audible.

Lee held out a hand to her. "If I promise to come down to the surface with you, will you promise to behave? If you will, I can let you out."

Her eyes were filled with longing but her body trembled with fear. She stretched out a hand tentatively towards his.

"I will if you will," she said quietly, but one corner of her mouth turned up ever-so-slightly in the familiar 'Starbuck' smile.

"I can't promise we'll find your family," Lee said, knowing full well they weren't real, "but I promise I'll take you down there and we'll look for them." He squeezed her hand gently.

"Thank you," she whispered, and she closed her eyes. Seconds later her eyelashes were wet and she buried her face in her knees.

At least one thing about _this _Kara was the same as the old one - she hated to have people see her cry.

**oooooooooooooooooo**

Lee reddened under his father's unflinching scrutiny. The elder Adama had always had the ability to reduce him to feeling like a seven-year-old caught stealing from the cookie jar with just a level stare.

"I can't believe you told her you'd take her to the planet," Adama said, face impassive despite his accusatory words.

"I had to do _something_. She's suffering terribly," Lee explained.

"You know I can't let you go, the cylons may still have traps down there and you know how adamant they were about not letting her go."

Lee stood. "You don't have a choice. I made a promise and I intend to keep it."

Adama stood as well, taking the conversation one level deeper. " You wouldn't disobey a direct order again, would you?" he asked, as if Lee had forgotten the consequences of his mutiny with Roslin a year and a half previously.

Lee's shoulders squared defiantly. "If I have to," he said, eyes like cold steel. "Kara is my friend. I'll do anything I can to help get her back."

Adama watched him narrowly. "You'd be willing to give your life for her?"

"Yes," Lee answered without hesitation.

"You don't actually believe any of what she's saying is _true _do you?"

"No, but I hope that by taking her back there and showing her where she was kept prisoner might help jog her memory."

"Do you think they left any of her memories intact? I mean, she may never remember the last five years of her life."

"I hope she's still in there," Lee said, in an almost whisper, eyes softening.

Adama's lips pursed; he didn't like the idea of sending his son into a dangerous situation on a whim. Who knew if this would help Kara at all? But one look at his son's face and he knew that forbidding it would be inviting Lee to mutiny. He'd always known there was more to Lee and Kara's relationship than was made public, and it was never more obvious than now. The only thing he couldn't figure out was why Lee was still with Dee. He'd always liked her and had hoped the two of them could make a go of it, but obviously Lee was still hung up on Kara, despite her marriage to Sam, and despite the huge falling out they'd had not long after she'd quit the military to go to the planet.

"I don't want to see her getting hurt," he said gruffly, mind still on Dualla.

"That's exactly _why _I have to take her down there and see if we can figure out what they did to her," Lee exploded, letting out a deep breath.

"I didn't mean Kara. I meant Dee," Adama said, nailing him with a direct stare.

Lee flushed again. "I don't know what you mean," he said evasively, knowing exactly what his father meant.

"That's just an excuse and you know it. When Kara left, married Sam, you took up with Dee..." Lee half shrugged and shook his head. Adama looked at him questioningly.

"Actually we were together before that," Lee said softly.

Adama grunted. "Obviously there was more going on in your life than you were willing to admit hmm? That prostitute on Cloud Nine? Anastasia Dualla? At least tell me you weren't sleeping with her while she was with Billy," he said giving Lee a fatherly look.

"You really think I'd do something like that?" Lee demanded, outraged that his father would think so little of him.

Adama shrugged. "It's hard to know. I thought I knew you once, but you seem to have all sorts of hidden secrets these days. Anything else I should know about going on around here?"

Lee flushed slightly, thinking of the night that almost was with Kara. _That _was something he'd never told anyone about; neither had she, and they'd had an unspoken agreement never to speak of it to anyone else. They never even talked about it between the two of them ... save that one time ...

"Anyway, the point is, Dee cares a great deal for you. I can see it every time she looks at you. I don't want to see you hurting her," Adama said firmly.

"I don't intend to. Kara and I are just friends. I'm just trying to help her out. There's nothing more between us," he said, echoing the words she'd said to him that fateful night. The night that had changed everything between them.

Adama nodded but didn't answer. He shuffled some papers around nervously then turned back to Lee.

"You can take her down to the planet. But make sure you're well armed. And be careful." The last words were uttered in a soft, loving voice, one Lee wasn't used to hearing from his father. He felt his throat choke up.

"We will," he forced out, trying to make sure his voice didn't waver and just succeeding. He gave his father a small smile of thanks as he left his office.

**oooooooooooooooooo**

" If you need to alert me to what's going on in the back here ..." Lee began to explain the raptors controls.

Kara gave him a look that shut him up immediately. "I know how to fly one of these, remember?" she said sarcastically.

Lee flushed. "I wasn't sure, I mean, you seem to have lost everything else from the last five years of your life ..."

"I haven't lost anything," she stated. "You just keep wanting me to believe things that never happened. Well, I plan on showing you what the truth is, since you won't seem to believe me." She spun a few dials and typed in coordinates. "This is where I lived. We should put down near here, but we need to be careful. The cylons are everywhere." She gave Lee a strange look. "Oh yeah, I guess you'd know that though, wouldn't you?"

Lee sighed heavily. "Why won't you believe that I'm not one of them?"

"Give me a reason not to."

"Have I ever given you reason _to _believe it? Have I ever hurt you in any way?" Lee asked, stealing a quick look back at her.

"You took me away from my family," she said accusingly.

"_I _didn't. That was my father. And I just argued with my him and threatened to disobey his orders if he didn't let me take you back here. Don't you think that counts for something?"

Kara's eyes opened wider and a hurt look came into them, pushing away the anger. "I guess we'll see, won't we?" she said quietly.

Lee hit the raptor's auto controls and headed to the back for a moment. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm taking you down here to help. I just want to help you Kara. You're my friend and I love you."

Something flashed through Kara's mind briefly. She frowned. It was something ... something important ... she remembered something ... then it was gone, and her face cleared.

"We're coming close to the planet. Maybe you should get back to the controls flyboy," she said.

Lee stared at her, and she stared back at him, questioning expression on her face.

"What?" she asked, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth. "I said something funny?"

"No, not at all," he said distractedly, turning and heading back to the cockpit. He smiled as he watched the planet come closer and closer. She hadn't called him flyboy since ... well, not since before the end of the worlds. Back when she was with Zack. She'd always teased him about his flying and refused to call him 'Apollo', feeling that his newly minted callsign was too over the top.

Maybe, just maybe some of her memories were coming back. Hopefully going back down to the cylon-infested planet would help bring some more back. Otherwise this was a very dangerous trip ... for nothing.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 3**

**ooooooooooooooooooooo**

"Come on it's this way," Kara said, taking off out of the raptor like a shot, not waiting for Lee.

"Kara wait! Slow down! There could be ... shit," he swore as she ignored all safety precautions and charged ahead. Lee drew his gun, cocked it and followed her, running quickly to catch up. _Figures - she doesn't even remember she's Starbuck but still she throws herself into danger headfirst!_

It was a good half mile from the raptor till the point where Kara stopped and pointed. "This is it," she said softly, panting heavily as she wasn't used to this much exertion.

Lee just nodded and moved up close beside her, holding his weapon pointed at the door. Kara opened it and, wisely, waited a moment before barging in. She stepped in first though, followed closely by Lee, every muscle in his body tensed for a fight. What he saw made him turn white as a sheet and step back a pace, gun lowering unconsciously.

A little girl, under two Lee surmised, but not being very familiar with children, he couldn't be sure. She had long platinum blonde hair and green eyes and Lee was damned if she didn't look just like Kara. She was dirty though and had obviously been crying. There were empty packages of crackers on the floor and an empty water jug as well, much of it spilled on the ground beside her. The room smelled awful, like a sewer, as though her diaper hadn't been changed in way too long.

"Tessa!" Kara shrieked and ran towards her.

The girl looked over at Kara and there was recognition in her eyes. "Ma ..." was all she said.

Kara gathered her up into her arms and hugged her fiercely. Little dirty arms snaked up around Kara's neck and tangled themselves in her hair as both bodies began to shake with violent sobbing.

Lee could do nothing but watch, dumbstruck, at Kara's reunion with her daughter. The daughter who was only supposed to be a figment of her imagination. Lee pinched himself, hard. No, he wasn't dreaming. He blinked repeatedly, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. No, she wasn't just a vision, she was real.

"Holy lords of Kobol," he whispered. "What in the hell is going on here?"

"Kara has come back for her daughter as we all knew she would." A tall, blonde woman stepped from the shadows and Lee lifted his gun to point it at her, embarrassed at having dropped his guard. This woman ... thing ... was a cylon. He'd seen her on Galactica before she'd mysteriously vanished and Kara and Helo's description of her from Caprica was completely accurate as well. So why wasn't Kara afraid?

"You didn't leave her here all by herself did you?" Kara asked accusingly, eyes raking over the mess on the floor.

"Of course not," the blonde cylon said gently. "We tried to take care of her but she was stubborn and wouldn't let us come near her."

"Just like her mother," Lee muttered, still in shock at the thought that this was Kara's daughter. When had she ... ? He was sure he'd remember if Kara had had a child.

"Okay, how the hell is this possible?" he demanded, gun never wavering as it pointed at Six.

"Hey, what is wrong with you?" Kara demanded back in an equally outraged tone. "Don't point your gun at her."

"She's a frakking cylon Kara."

"She is not!"

"She's got you brainwashed somehow into thinking she's your friend and I'm the enemy." Six smiled evilly at him as he spoke.

"If she was a cylon, why would she be taking care of Tessa, hmm? And why wouldn't she kill me?"

Six looked shocked. "_Kill _you? Never, we need you. And as for the girl," her gaze dropped from Lee to the now silent girl in Kara's arms. "She's more important than anyone in the universe. Her survival is paramount."

Kara, now becoming frustrated and confused, looked around the room. "Where's John?"

Lee's heart constricted but Six's answer restored some of his equilibrium.

"There is no John. Never was."

"What do you mean? He's my husband! Where is he?" she demanded.

"He's dead." A copy of the Leoben cylon from the fleet entered through another door and Lee desperately wished he had a second gun.

"John!" Kara cried, standing up and hoisting the little girl onto her hip. Her eyes sparkled.

"I'm not John. Nor was my previous body. Adama was right." He nodded at Lee. "We just made you believe he was."

"Why? What purpose did that serve?" Lee demanded angrily. "Why take her away from us and make her live in a fantasy world?"

"We needed her," Leoben said simply.

Kara backed away from them, closer to where Lee stood. "Why? What's going on here? You're not going to tell me Tessa isn't my daughter are you?"

"Of course she's your daughter. Just look at her," Six said smiling.

"I don't understand," Lee said, completely at a loss. "Can someone please start at the beginning here because I need to understand what's going on."

"Me too," Kara said warily, inching towards him.

"Kara's never had a baby," Leoben started, but Kara interrupted.

"But you just said ..."

"You've never given birth Kara. This _is _your child, but she was created from ova we took from you on Caprica."

" ...at the farm," she finished quietly, paling.

"Oh my gods," Lee said, beginning to move closer to Kara but still keeping his gun trained on Six. Leoben walked over to stand beside her and Lee smiled inwardly.

"Kara has exactly the DNA we needed to create ..."

"Our saviour. The child that will lead our peoples to the path of peace."

Leoben continued on . "We knew she'd never willingly mate with one of us, given her hatred of us, so we took her ovary and began to fertilize the ova with our DNA. Only this one took, so we took that as a sign from God that this is the chosen child."

Lee shook his head. "So why did you need her now if you already took what you needed nearly two years ago?"

Kara moved a little closer her and Lee put a comforting hand on the small of her back.

"We needed love. A mother's love," Six said. "We could have kept her and raised her but we are unable to provide the love she needed."

"We wanted her to have a stable, loving family to grow up in and we knew Kara would never come and live with me by choice, since I'm the child's father technically, so we had to take her by force and find a way to make her stay."

"It was all a lie?" Kara whispered incredulously. "Everything?" She turned and faced lee. "You were right after all." Tears began to spill down her cheeks into Tessa's hair and Lee stroked her back.

"It's okay. I'll take you home now."

"You can't do that. She needs to grow up here. The humans will pollute her spirit if she lives among them."

"And the cylons won't if she stays here?" Lee threw back sarcastically. "No, I'm taking them and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"Kara," Leoben stepped forward, holding out his hands imploringly. "Please ..."

"Don't you touch me!" she snapped, leaning back into Lee and feeling a familiar warmth and comfort as their bodies touched.

"We can't let you go back to them," Six said sadly, a look of regret on her face.

"Sorry," Lee said shortly, then smoothly fired two shots, one into each of their chests.

As they both clutched themselves and fell down, blood spurting everywhere, Tessa began to cry. Kara held her head close to her chest and stroked her hair, whispering sweet nothings to her.

"Come on, we need to get out of here now!" Lee said firmly, pushing Kara and the girl ahead of him.

They ran full tilt back to the raptor, not knowing if anyone was following and not bothering to turn around and look. Kara was panting heavily by the time they got there, so Lee took the now sleeping girl out of her arms and strapped her in the back. He and Kara then strapped themselves in and took off without needing to say a word.

"Lee," she said quietly some time later when they were breaking atmosphere. "Thank you."

Lee realized it was the first time she'd used his proper name. Hopefully it was the first step on the road to recovery as well.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 4**

**oooooooooooooooooooooo**

William Adama did a double-take as Kara stepped off the raptor, child in her arms. He composed himself quickly - a leader should never appear shocked by anything that might happen. His eyes sought Lee's as he followed her down onto the hangar bay floor. They held an enigmatic expression he'd never seen before, but he knew his son well enough to know that if he was ever going to find out what was hidden behind those eyes, he was going to have to pry.

Lee put a hand on Kara's lower back for moral support as they stood before his father.

"So, um ..." Adama said, clearing his throat and stopping, unable to figure out how to begin.

"Admiral ... dad, this is Kara's daughter Tessa," Lee said, knowing Kara would be unable to do the introductions herself, given her fragile mental state.

_What a filthy mess, _Adama thought. But then he looked a little closer. Under the dirt, grime and tangled hair he could definitely see the resemblance. It was quite remarkable in fact - she looked just as Kara must have as a toddler. Had she been cloned somehow? Who knew exactly _what _the cylons were capable of; they'd proven in the last year that the only thing you could expect from them was the unexpected.

"I'm glad you found her," he said gruffly to Kara, giving her a weak smile. She didn't respond.

"Listen, we need to get her cleaned up and find a place for them to stay," Lee suggested, feeling the uncomfortableness of the situation rising for all involved. "Are there any spare quarters?"

"The brig isn't good enough?" Adama muttered under his breath, but Lee's ears were good and he caught it. He glared at him.

"I believe there are some on C deck, level 4. We'll need a guard ..." he amended.

"No need. We've been to the planet and got what we went for. She won't try to go back." Kara shook her head, as if to affirm Lee's statement.

"Considering all she's been through and the fact that she still thinks she's one of them, I'd feel safer if she were under guard."

"Is it your safety or hers that you're more concerned about?" Lee asked acidly.

Now it was Adama's turn to glare.

"She won't need a guard. I'll stay with her," Lee offered. Kara threw him a grateful smile.

Adama gave him a strange look. "You have duties to fulfill."

"Come off it dad, the XO is basically just a figurehead. When did Colonel Tigh ever do anything useful around here?"

Adama opened his mouth to argue but then shut it, thinking the better of what he was going to say. Lee did have a point. He had loved Saul like a brother but he'd been about as useful as a screen door on an airlock. And he didn't want to start an argument, not when it was obvious Kara and the child needed cleaning and rest, and the deck crew were neglecting their duties, ears cocked in their direction. It was a discussion best done in private.

"Ill put you on suspended duty for now then. You may stay with them but if something urgent comes up then it takes precedence."

"Understood," Lee said thankfully, exhaling slowly. He hadn't wanted to start a fight, but there was no way he was going to leave Kara alone now - not when she was just starting to trust him again.

"Come on, it's this way," he said, leading her off the flight deck, happy she was still allowing him to keep his hand on her back.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Kara gently began to peel off tessa's soiled clothing and removed her overly full diaper. The child had pale skin just like Kara's, but there were dirty patches everywhere and she stank horribly.

"I'll go get some soap and shampoo," Lee offered as Kara lifted her into the old metal tub they were using to bathe her. Kara nodded, too absorbed in her daughter to verbalize her answer.

When Lee came back a few minutes later, a completely different sight met his eyes. Instead of two frail, scared-looking girls, he found them splashing water at each other and laughing wildly. He couldn't help but notice that Tessa had the same mischevious glint in her eye and same wide, friendly smile as Kara. _She's going to be a heartbreaker too someday, _he thought, then wondered where the thought came from. Kara wasn't beautiful - not in the traditional sense of being slim, small-boned and petite, but Lee had always been attracted to her and found her the most beautiful woman he'd known.

"Here you go," he said, walking over and handing her the toiletry items she needed.

She smiled. "Thank you."

"Do you need any help?" he asked, rather reluctantly, as he'd had little to no experience with children.

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay, I'll just ..." He began to back out of the room, towards the sleeping area. " ... make myself useful."

He stood there, looking at the bunks, wondering how he was going to set it up for them to sleep. There were only four, being semi-private quarters - officers quarters - but nothing suitable for a toddler. He sighed, it seemed he was going to have to improvise - much more Kara's specialty than his.

He looked around and an idea came to him. He managed to tie a sheet across the outside of a bunk, like a crib wall, so she wouldn't fall out. Once he was done making Tessa's bed, he made up two more, one each for him and Kara. He wasn't sure if she'd need hers; she'd quite possibly end up squished in with Tessa, who, after her traumatic experience was likely to want to cling to her mother.

How had the bond between them grown so strong in the little time they'd been together? He thought it took the time from birth on for parents and children to bond the way they had. _Maybe she was brainwashed too - so she doesn't remember a time when Kara wasn't around. _He didn't know where the thought came from but it seemed to make sense. In a frightening sort of way.

Lee lay down on his bunk, unsure what else to do since Kara didn't want his help. So he decided to just lay quietly and listen to the interaction between them. He couldn't quite hear what Kara was saying, but her voice was soft and gentle - very unlike her normal self. It was a nice change to hear her that way; he'd always imagined what it would be like if she had a softer, gentler personality. But of course she wouldn't be Starbuck then, would she? To be honest, Lee wasn't sure which he preferred - her brash, outspoken self, or her quiet contained self.

_Why are you even thinking about it? _ his inner voice suddenly piped up. _You have a girlfriend already, remember? Dee? How do you think she'd feel if she knew what you were thinking now? _His cheeks flamed - Dee! He'd forgotten all about her. Completely, as if she'd never existed. She _had _to be wondering what was going on - one couldn't avoid the rumours for long in such a closed environment. She had to know by now that Lee was staying with Kara - and knowing her jealous streak, she'd be livid.

His musings were interrupted as Kara walked into the room, Tessa clean and wrapped in a towel.

"Do you have a t-shirt or something she could sleep in?"

Lee sat up. "Way ahead of you." He stood up and lifted a clean shirt and a bunch of cloth diapers they'd ferried over from another ship off the bunk above his. He placed them on hers, and she threw him a small smile before putting Tessa on the bed and starting to get her into a diaper. She struggled for a few minutes but eventually the little girl was dressed and sitting happily, exploring her surroundings. She was even more pretty clean. And looked frighteningly like Kara.

"I um ... had your stuff brought over ... the stuff you left here, I mean," Lee said, breaking the silence.

"My stuff?" she asked, giving him a puzzled look.

"From before you went to the planet. You left some of your stuff here, and I uh ... kept it for you in case you ever came back." Lee's cheeks flushed a deep crimson as she stared at him, hazel eyes seeming to pierce his soul.

She got up slowly and came and sat down on his bunk, making sure there was plenty of space between them. She folded her legs up and pulled his pillow over, clutching it over her stomach. They stared at one another for a moment. Lee felt uncomfortable and sought for something to say to break the silence but looking in her eyes stopped him. There was a desperate, imploring look in them.

Her mouth opened, as if she were going to say something, but then shut again. Lee's gut instinct told him to remain silent.

She tried again. "Everything I thought was true was a lie. My whole life ... everything ... none of it was real," she said quietly, sadness in her voice and eyes.

"Not everything." Lee cocked his head towards Tessa. "She's real."

Kara looked over at her lovingly. "That's true." The sad face returned. "But everything else was a lie."

"That's why the cylons are our enemies Kara. They lie and use people for their own purposes ..."

"Tell me the truth?" she asked, interrupting him. Lee didn't respond. "You say you're my friend, you must know me pretty well then. Tell me the truth - what was my life _really _like?"

Now Lee was stuck. Should he tell her everything - would she even _want _to know how screwed up her life had been, considering how happy she'd thought she was? Or should he tell her the whole truth - everything about Zack, Samuel ... himself ... why they fought, why she quit and went to go live on the planet?

He wanted to think he had a second chance here. A chance to rectify things and make her life happy in a way he'd never been able to do before, but a gut feeling deep inside told him he'd better be honest with her. Because if her memory ever returned, she'd know he lied to her. And then she'd never trust him again.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 5**

A/N: I find it interesting that this story is on an alert list for 10 different people, none of whom have ever left a review for it. Maybe I'm wrong but I figure if you like a story enough to be alerted when the next chapter is posted, it would be polite to occasionally write a review to let an author know you're enjoying it.

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee really had to think carefully about what he was going to say. She'd led an interesting life, that's for sure, and in some ways, not one that she might want to remember. But there were diplomatic ways of saying things and he was nothing if not diplomatic. It was how he'd gotten as far as he had in such a short time.

He launched into it from the beginning - what little he knew of her life before he'd ever entered it, and her half-nods told him she remembered some of it at least. An hour went by while they talked, with a brief pause for Kara to put Tessa to bed, and by the end of it her eyes were wide and there was a definite flush to her cheeks.

"Am I really that horrible?" she asked, looking like she was just about ready to cry.

"No of course not," Lee lied. "You're not _bad, _you're just Starbuck."

"Sounds like the same thing to me," she said timidly.

Lee tried to put a positive spin on it, but she'd always been sharp and read between the lines of what he was saying.

"So I'm a foul-mouthed jock who acts like one of the guys. Not afraid to buck authority or hit people if I get mad at them."

Lee's cheeks flamed. "That's about the gist of it."

"So um ... do I have any friends or does everyone around here hate me?"

"Hmmm ..." he teased, pretending to think hard, but at her hurt expression he gave in. "Of course you have friends. There are a few people who don't like you - mainly the nuggets, but mostly it was Colonel Tigh."

A scene flashed through her mind suddenly - sitting at a table with a bunch of guys playing cards, an older man with grey hair pushing over the table, her suddenly standing and socking him in the face.

"Was?" she questioned, picking on the one important word of the sentence.

Lee's gaze dropped. He hadn't liked the man himself, but no one deserved torture at the hands of the enemy. "Yeah, they killed him."

She shuddered sympathetically. "I think I remember him. Tall, older, grey hair, balding ..."

"That was him."

"Did I ... did I ever ... _hit _him?" she asked tentatively.

"Lee smiled. "Yeah you did. You were in hack for it when I first came aboard."

"You weren't part of Galactica's crew originally?"

"No. I was stationed on the Atlantia. Actually I was here for my father's retirement when the cylons first attacked and I was marooned here."

"Must have been awful." Her forehead crinkled.

"There were times ... but you were here, and my father, so it wasn't too lonely. Then I got to know a lot of people and made some friends."

Kara frowned. She hadn't missed the way he'd mentioned her before his father. Was that because he wasn't terribly fond of his father, or was it because there was something ... more between them? She gathered her courage, needing to know.

"Are we ... just friends?"

"Just friends?" he echoed slowly.

"Just friends, or is there more?" She tensed, waiting for the blow. Maybe he'd laugh at the idea or just tell her she was crazy.

Lee took a deep breath. "We're just friends. That's all. There have been times we've ... come a little closer, but it's never quite worked out."

_Why? _she wondered. He was an attractive man, and someone who, as unreasoning as it seemed, she trusted and felt comfortable with. And unless she was reading things wrong, he felt something stronger than just friendship for her. Why else would he be doing the things he was doing for her? And why hadn't things worked out for them?

Oh well, it was only the first day and she was already beginning to remember a few things, like Colonel Tigh for example. There would still be time yet to explore her other questions. Now, she was ready for sleep.

Lee noticed her hesitation and interpreted it as tiredness as well. "We've been talking a long time and I think maybe it's time we got some rest. We'll be spending a lot of time together over the next few days and we can talk some more then. Maybe you'll even begin to remember some more about your life."

"I hope so," she said quietly. "It's frustrating knowing everything I _thought _was part of my life wasn't, and that there's so much I can't remember."

"I'm sure it must be." He put a hand comfortingly on top of hers. It burned for an instant and he pulled it away. "Goodnight Kara. Sleep well."

"You too," she replied, climbing into her bunk. "And thanks."

She lay down and pulled up the covers, eyes wide open even as Lee switched off the lights. She was afraid she was too wound up to sleep, but the moment she closed her eyes she was in dreamland.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee lay awake for a while, listening to the deep, even breathing of both girls he was sharing the room with. He was glad they were both able to sleep after the ordeal they'd been through. Children were notoriously adaptable though, and a child of Tessa's age would likely not remember much about the few days she was basically alone, except for some nightmares possibly. Kara was a different story. She'd always been tough, the kind of person who acted like nothing could hurt her, but underneath she was a ball of pain and hurt. This experience was one that would scar her for life, and one she might not even recover from. It was a thought Lee's mind shied away from. It had been bad enough trying to accept she was gone and that he'd never see her again, but to have her back but yet not? That was something he wasn't sure if he could deal with. Some things were sacrosanct, and Starbuck was one of them.

His eyes closed and he fell asleep eventually but was woken several hours later to the sound of Kara talking in her sleep.

"No, no. I don't wanna die ... why ... no!"

Lee got up and went over to her bunk and began to whisper, trying to wake her. She was tossing and turning and mumbling something about falling.

Without even thinking, Lee climbed into bed beside her and put his arms around her. He'd done the same thing to comfort her before when she'd been having nightmares - after her crash landing on the moon - as had she for him when he'd had nightmares after his near-death experience.

She kept right on tossing and turning though and finally sat up with a jerk, eyes wide with fear.

"Kara, it's okay, I'm here," Lee said soothingly, raising himself up on one elbow. She was panting hard and quivering. He put a hand on her arm and stroked it, feeling the hairs still standing on end.

"Lee?" she asked, looking around curiously as though this wasn't where she expected to be.

"I'm here. It's okay. You were just dreaming."

She lay down again, beside him but barely touching. They lay in silence for a few minutes, each knowing the other was still awake.

"I was dreaming that I was falling," she whispered. "That I was in a ship and I was crashing so I ejected and just crashed down to the planet in freefall." She shuddered. "It was horrible."

"It wasn't just a dream," Lee said quietly, after a moment. "It really happened. You weren't dreaming, you were remembering."

"Really?" she said, lifting up on one elbow to look him in the face. "It really happened like that? And I didn't die?" She paused a moment. "Did you save me?"

His heart constricted at the memory. "I would have done anything to save you, but I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"I was here on Galactica when you were shot down. We searched and searched the planet but we couldn't find any trace of you and we thought you'd died."

"So how did I get back?"

Lee smiled despite the tears pricking at the back of his eyes. "You saved yourself. You found a cylon ship and you made it fly and came home to us."

"How did I do that?" she asked in amazement.

He chuckled. "True Starbuck style. You refused to quit even though everyone else had given up on you."

"Did _you _give up?" The look in her eyes was desperate.

"Never. But I had no choice." He struggled to keep his voice level. "My father and the President chose to keep going. People get left behind sometimes and we'd used up most of our resources searching for you, and when there was no sign ... they were forced to do what was best for the rest of the fleet."

"I understand," she said in a small voice, lying back down and staring at the ceiling.

Now it was Lee's turn to lift himself up and look at her. He used his free hand to tilt her face towards him. "I would never give up on you," he said seriously. "Never. And I won't give up now - not till the Kara Thrace I used to know comes back to me." He stroked her hair softly. "Now try to get some more sleep okay?" He lay down beside her, meaning to leave once she'd settled, but she inched a little closer and lay her head on his arm. He smiled.

After about ten minutes Lee couldn't feel his arm anymore, but her slow, steady breathing told him she was asleep. He didn't want to disturb her so he closed his eyes and let his tense muscles relax. Soon he was sound asleep.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Dee took long, calming breaths as she walked the corridors to the quarters Kara had been assigned to. She'd heard the rumours of the day before and could scarcely believe they were true. But apparently they had come back with a little girl; the old man had confirmed it when they'd spoken just now. She didn't want to believe that Lee was staying with them though. She'd heard that one numerous times - it seemed Apollo and Starbuck were still prime targets for the rumour mill - but she hadn't wanted to believe it.

He hadn't come back that night however, and she was furious. Angry at him, but more hurt than anything. And since she didn't have him to confront about it, she'd done the next best thing - talked to his father. Adama hadn't been particularly forthcoming, but he had assured her that the only reason Lee was staying there instead of a marine was because Kara felt more comfortable with someone familiar.

Dee could almost buy that except she knew how close Lee and Kara had been at one time. Close enough to almost be lovers; in fact they nearly had been before she'd left to rescue her 'friend' back on Caprica. No one knew that fact except her - Lee had been brutally honest but had asked her to keep quiet about it. A request she was only too happy to comply with since the Apollo/Starbuck pairing which had been number one on the rumour mill for months had only just begun to wane as people realized there was someone else in Lee's life - Anastasia Dualla.

She tried to make the jealousy that burned within her at the thought of 'them' go away before she talked with him, but it was tough. _They're just friends - they've known each other for years, since before Galactica and maybe he's the only person she recognized. Stop trying to read more into this than is really there. He's just doing a friend a favour, that's all._

She took a deep breath and knocked gently on the hatch. No response. She tried again, quietly so as not to wake the still-sleeping toddler. It _was _only just before 0700hrs after all, but Lee was usually on duty for the early shift - up and out by 0600. She figured he had to be awake by now, and she just wanted a few words with him before she was stuck in CIC all day.

She slowly pushed open the hatch, wondering if perhaps he was showering while Kara and the child slept. Obviously that wasn't the case. Kara was sound asleep in Lee's arms, her body draped half over his while her hair was spread across his face. The blankets had been kicked down and she could see Lee was bare from the waist up. Kara had nothing but her bra and briefs on, and Lee's hand - the one she could see - was splayed across her naked back.

Dee stepped back, hand over her open mouth in horror. Jealousy flew back in and took a good solid root in her heart. All along she'd felt safe with Lee while Kara was with her other man, and then after she'd disappeared too, but she'd always suspected that if Kara ever entered Lee's life again, their relationship would be in trouble. It had always been a precarious one, despite Lee's assurances that he did love her, but Dee had always felt like she was trying to hold onto a wisp of air. Turns out she was right.

Lee moved in his sleep, clasping his arms more tightly around Kara and moaning softly. "Kara," he muttered, and smiled.

Dee felt the anger burn within her. Lee was going to pay, and pay dearly for his betrayal.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

The Dance You Choose - chapter 6

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

Kara woke early, feeling a warm body wrapped around her own. She stretched langorously and snuggled up a little closer, burying her face into his chest.

"Hmmm," she murmured. "John ..."

The body under her jumped suddenly and she came fully awake and opened her eyes, blinking in surprise.

"Lee?" she asked questioningly. "What are you doing in my bed?" She pulled back and wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bunk, trying hard to keep the lump of jealousy forming in his heart from coming out in his words.

"You were having nightmares," he answered quietly, so as not to disturb Tessa. "You fell asleep in my arms and I didn't want to move lest I wake you."

"That's all? There's ... nothing more?" Her face was set, Starbuck style, but her eyes still held her inner vulnerability for Lee to see.

He wanted more than anything to proclaim his love for her - tell her yes, there was more, they'd been lovers at one time - but he couldn't lie to her. He shook his head.

"No, that's it. I was just trying to help you sleep."

"She nodded but was relieved from having to respond verbally as Tessa chose that moment to wake. She sat up and poked her head over the edge of the sheet.

"Ma-ma?" she said, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings as she searched for Kara.

"I'm here sweetie," Kara said, going over and lifting her out of bed. Tessa clung to her like she'd never let go. "It's okay, we're safe now. Nothing's going to hurt us here." She didn't know _how _she knew that, it was just a gut feeling.

It brought a smile to Lee's face though, to know that she trusted him implicitly. He excused himself to go to the washroom and get cleaned up and dressed, and when he returned, Tessa was already clothed in a clean dress and her hair was tied back in pigtails. He wondered idly where the child's clothing came from, but figured his father had probably pulled rank and requisitioned them from one of the civilian ships.

She and Kara were sitting on the floor, lost in some sort of game he was unfamiliar with, but when Kara realized he was watching them, she stopped and stood up.

"Would you ind watching her for a few minutes while I get ready?" She gestured towards the bathroom.

"I uh ... I guess," he stammered, but she'd already gone in and shut the door. Lee's spirits sank glumly; he'd had little to nothing to do with children and had always felt awkward around kids so young. Once they were old enough to ask intelligent questions he felt more at ease, but toddlers who couldn't even talk? Definitely something he wasn't ready to handle. When they cried and threw themselves on the floor in tantrums he was terrified and felt like just bolting and running away. He sent up a quick prayed that Tessa was flexible enough to deal with strangers.

He sat down on the floor in front of her and smiled, hoping that children, like animals, would be put at ease if you showed you weren't scared of them. He marveled again at just how much she looked like Kara. There was a look of fear in her eyes though, and for a moment Lee's heart began to pound, waiting for the wailing to begin. But then as he watched her, a look of interest replaced the fear and she began to smile. He wondered what it was on his chest that had caught her attention and when he looked down he saw what it was. His dogtags. His mind flew to Kara and he frowned, remembering she didn't have any on. A pang of jealousy shot through him as he thought of the one she'd given one to Sam, but where was the other one? _Cylons must have taken it. They wouldn't have wanted her seeing it and wondering what it meant. She might have remembered who she was then. _He sat very still, not wanting to spook her and slowly she crawled over to him and reached out to touch them. They spun around and caught the light and she squealed in delight, a huge smile lighting up her face.

Ten minutes later when Kara emerged from the bathroom, Tessa was still at it, crawling all over Lee and playing with the tags like they were the best toy in the world. Kara smiled.

"I see you've made a friend."

"It seems all girls like shiny things."

"Do I?" Kara asked suddenly, frowning.

Lee didn't even have to think about that one. "Jewelry was never your thing but you always loved your viper more than anything. Sometimes I think it was more important to you than anything else." He smiled warmly at her as a faint blush crept onto her freshly washed cheeks.

"Can I see it?" she asked shyly.

"Of course. I was thinking a thorough tour of the ship would be a good idea. Help your memory a little hopefully." His smile faded. "But we have to see the doc first."

She frowned. "Why?"

"Routine. You were gone for months and he's going to want to check you out and make sure you're okay - especially after what they did to you." His eyes darkened at the thought. "And of course he's going to want to see Tessa."

Kara pulled her daughter close.

"It's just routine Kara. She's a new crew member and she needs a full medical checkup like everyone else. " _And she's half-cylon - that's something he's definitely going to need to check out! _He put a bright smile on his face, hoping not to worry her, but it was difficult - he remembered what had happened to the last hybrid baby, Hera. It had died under suspicious circumstances and Lee had had a gut feeling, especially after talking to Helo later, that the death hadn't been accidental. Sharon was sure of it, but no one believed her. Not even Helo.

"Well, I'm ready, shall we go?" Kara said reaching for Tessa's hand and bending down slightly so the toddler could walk on her own.

Kara and Tessa's eyes were wide as they walked the corridors. There was so much to take in, and it was all like new for both of them. People they passed along the way smiled at Kara and the little girl by her side but threw curious looks at Lee.

"Why are they looking at you like that?" Kara wondered, giving him a sidelong look herself.

He shrugged. "I have no idea. Must be some gossip or other going around. There always is when you're in a position of authority."

She nodded, not quite understanding but not being bothered enough to pursue it.

Soon enough they arrived at Lifestation, where Cottle looked overjoyed to see them. Well, overjoyed for him. To his credit though, he put out his half-smoked cigarette as they came in.

"So, this is the new crew member huh?" he said. Tessa clung to Kara and buried her face in her leg.

"Perhaps you should do Captain Thrace first," Lee suggested.

Kara turned a shocked face to him. "I'm a Captain?"

"You'd probably be higher yet if you could learn to behave and follow the rules," Lee said, eyes twinkling.

"Amen to that," Cottle mumbled. "Now let's take a look and see what they did to you."

Tessa clung on and refused to let go but Lee tempted her with his dogtags again and she sat contentedly on his lap playing hide-and-seek with them in his uniform jacket. Kara's examination didn't take long fortunately, so she was done before Tessa had a chance to get bored of the game.

She was a little less cooperative about having the doctor poke and prod her, but it was when the needle came out that she suddenly started screaming. The doctor quickly jabbed her and within ten seconds she was unconscious.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Kara screamed, putting her arms around her daughter wildly.

"Calm down Captain, I just gave her a sedative. Children that age aren't terribly cooperative, and I can see it's going to be difficult enough to explain to you what I have to do. There's no way she'd understand. Perhaps you should go look around for a while a come back later. It might be easier if you're not here."

Kara's mind suddenly filled with images. _A small, slender pregnant woman with long, dark hair, sitting across from her and talking ... a tall dark man hugging her and crying on her shoulder ... "our baby died, I can't believe she's gone" ... the dark-haired woman screaming madly ..._

"No, I'm not leaving her," she said determinedly, knowing somehow that if she did, something bad would happen to Tessa. Lee put his hand on her back for comfort, knowing she was remembering something by the vacant look on her face. He had a pretty good idea of what it was - he'd been there when Helo had cried on Kara's shoulder. The two of them were close - had known each other back at the academy, and often trusted each other when they trusted no one else.

"Suit yourself." Cottle busied himself with syringes and bottles.

An hour later, Cottle seemed to be satisfied, and he pulled off his gloves. "It's going to take a few hours to do some blood analysis, and I'm going to need to read over your MRI as well and see if they messed with your head at all. Not," he added in an undertone, "that that would be a bad thing."

Lee turned to Kara. "Come on, let's get to that tour now."

"Tour?" Cottle asked questioningly.

"We plan to tour the ship. Maybe seeing all the old familiar places and things will help bring her memory back." Lee smiled at Kara.

"Can't but help," Cottle said gruffly. "Come back in a few hours. She should be awake then."

"I'm not leaving her." Kara's body stiffened.

"She needs to stay here, she's still unconscious," Cottle argued.

"I'm not leaving her here," Kara insisted, jaw set in the way most people knew meant you shouldn't argue with her.

"You can't carry her around the ship, you're too weak yourself."

"I'll carry her," Lee offered. "She'll be fine and we'll bring her back when she wakes up if you need to see her again."

""Fine," Cottle grumbled, turning his back on them. It was his way of ending the conversation.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

They walked the corridors to the hangar bay, Lee feeling that seeing her ships would make Kara feel more at home, and perhaps remember more. They passed more people who acknowledged Lee but gave him strange looks. He began to wonder himself if perhaps there was something wrong.

The look on Kara's face however, when they finally reached the bay, drove all other thoughts from his mind. Her eyes were wide as saucers and they gleamed with an intensity he'd rarely seen before. She strode immediately over to 'her' ship and began to run her hand lovingly over it, smiling broadly.

"I've missed you," she whispered, as if she were talking to a long-lost lover. She moved closer and rested her cheek against the cool metal, eyes shutting as if she were remembering their love affair.

Lee smiled and hefted the little girl to the other side, her head curling into his neck naturally, just as her mother had snuggled up to him unconsciously. He felt something in that moment - something he'd never felt before; desire - desire to have a family. Watching Kara, feeling Tessa snuggling against him suddenly made him want more than anything to have them as his family. He wanted to love them, protect them, always be with them. His heart swelled larger than it ever had before - THIS was where he belonged. Wherever they were.

"Lee? Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you." Dee's voice pulled him suddenly out of his little dreamworld and made him hit reality with a hard thud. She walked over and pushed Tessa aside to put her arms around him.

As Kara opened her eyes to see what the commotion was all about, Dee threw herself at Lee and began to kiss him passionately.

Lee would have struggled but for the fact that both his arms were busy holding up the little girl fast asleep on him. He pulled back as quickly as he could and looked over at Kara, seeing the sudden hurt in her eyes at the woman attached to him.

"I missed you in bed last night," Dee cooed happily, tucking her head under Lee's chin right beside Tessa, though thoroughly ignoring her presence.

Lee threw Kara an apologetic glance just in time to see the tears glint in her eyes as she turned back to her ship, seemingly intent on inspecting every inch of it. His heart ached - she was hurting yet again. It seemed that whatever Lee did to help only ended up hurting her more.

He sighed. This day had started off so well - now it looked like things were going downhill fast.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 7**

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

Kara's eyes burned. She wasn't sure why this woman - obviously Lee's girlfriend - made her feel angry, sad, depressed and nervous all at the same time, but she did. She had an unreasoning desire to take her child and get as far away from her as possible. _Why does she upset me so? _she wondered. _Lee told me himself that there's nothing between us, so why do I still feel this way about her? _ Kara couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what the feeling was, but she knew she didn't like it.

"I'll take her," she said stiffly, walking over to Lee and holding her arms out.

His eyes locked with hers and for a moment she saw fear before he shut it off.

"The doc said you weren't to carry her yet," he objected.

Kara scowled as Dee turned to face her and linked arms with Lee, smiling widely.

"You've obviously got things to do, so I'll take her back to Lifestation."

"Kara, there's nothing that's more important than ..."

"Let's go Lee - we've hardly seen each other in days," Dee simpered, tugging at his arm as Kara pulled the sleeping girl from him. He had no choice but to let her go as Dee commandeered him in the opposite direction, all the while murmuring about how much she missed him.

Kara stalked off in the opposite direction, Tessa beginning to stir in her arms.

"Ma-ma?" she said as she rubbed her eyes.

"I'm here honey, I'm here." Kara hugged her tightly as she walked. Tessa squirmed in her arms, looking around like she'd lost something.

"Ma-ma?" she said again, though clearly not wanting Kara's attention. "Ee, ee," she said, still looking around.

Kara studied the hallway, trying to figure out what her daughter was referring to. Suddenly it dawned on her what was missing - Lee.

"You mean Lee?" she asked softly.

The toddler's eyes lit up and she smiled brightly. "Ee," she nodded.

"He had ... other things to do," she explained, heart heavy but still not understanding why. Being apart from him was only making it worse. She wished she could remember why being with him felt so good. So right.

She was a little out of breath by the time she reached Lifestation and she began to acknowledge that what the doctor had said about her health might actually be true.

"I told you not to carry her," were the first words out of his mouth as she sat Tessa down on a bed.

She shrugged.

"Where's the Major?" he growled.

"Something else came up and he ditched me." The words were supposed to be funny but they came out with a bitter edge to them.

"Wouldn't be the first time," he said cryptically, giving her a glance in which sympathy wasn't entirely lacking.

She looked at him with furrowed brows but said nothing.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee kept looking over his shoulder as Dee led him away, knowing from the carriage of her body that Kara was hurt and angry. He'd spent years studying her when he thought she wasn't looking and he knew her every move, every stance, every facial expression like the back of his hand.

Once she was out of sight, he grabbed Dee's arm and pulled her roughly to one side of the corridor.

"What the hell was that all about?" he hissed angrily.

Dee opened her eyes wide and put on an innocent look.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Lee's eyes narrowed. "I'm sure you don't," he muttered. "You were just marking your territory - or what? You know Kara and I are friends and friends do what they can to help one another."

"They even sleep with one another?" she challenged, eyes fierce green.

Lee's mind raced. How had she seen them together in bed? No matter, obviously she had and was pissed about it.

"She's scared of being alone. She's having nightmares, flashbacks ... she doesn't know what's real and what's not."

"And _you_ have to be the one to be there for her?" Her arms crossed over her chest angrily and her tone insinuated there was more than just friendship going on.

"I should let a marine do it? Some guy she doesn't know or trust?"

"Does she trust you?"

"She seems to. So does her daughter."

"How sweet," Dee said mockingly. "But you know kick-ass bitch and her half-breed cylon kid won't make the perfect family you want so much. She's the worst thing that ever happened to you, Lee Adama."

His fists balled at her words and he wanted desperately to hit her, but he controlled himself. As a man you didn't hit a woman. _Except Kara, _his subconscious reminded him. She's _a woman and you had no qualms about hitting her ..._

"She's different," he mumbled to himself.

"I beg your pardon?" she demanded, having not quite heard him correctly.

"Kara is my friend and I won't have you talking about her like that," he said firmly. "You know I care for you Ana, but I will do what I have to for her and you'd better not try to stop me."

His eyes were like flint, but she matched them with equal coldness.

"Or what?"

"Or there won't be an us anymore."

She shook her head proudly and smiled, giving him no ground.

"Who knew there were such hidden depths to you?"

"Obviously not you," he growled, moving close as a group of cadets passed them. "Maybe you should have taken the trouble to get to know me better before being so eager to get into my bed."

She glared at him, unable to think of a response.

"As long as you let me do what I feel is necessary, we'll get along just fine."

"Fine. You do what you have to then."

He turned and walked away quickly, anger evident in every stride.

"So will I," she murmured to herself.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"You're not going to like what I have to say."

"Do I ever?" Adama countered with a smile.

Roslin smiled in spite of the situation. "Not very often, yet you usually end up agreeing with me."

"I'm still not sure just how that ends up happening ..."

She threw him a dazzling smile.

"Oh yes," he added, nodding at her mouth. "That must be it."

The glance between them was tense though they were both smiling. The tension faded though as Roslin took a deep breath and sighed, the smile dropping off her face.

"It's about Captain Thrace."

"Oh." He wasn't surprised, nor did he look it.

"More accurately, her daughter - the half-cylon child."

"Oh." He really wasn't surprised. He'd known from the moment they'd come aboard that this confrontation would be coming. He hadn't looked forward to it though.

He knew exactly what Roslin wanted, and there was a part of him that completely agreed with her. But there was another part of him - the part that felt fatherly affection towards Kara - that knew he couldn't force his almost daughter to give up _her_ daughter. In a way he knew exactly how she would feel. He loved Kara like the daughter he never had, even though they weren't blood-related, and he knew he could never bear to lose her - how much stronger would Kara's bond to Tessa be, even though she hadn't actually given birth to her? It was obvious Tessa was her daughter - genetics made that impossible to refute. And from Cottle's preliminary report, he knew she was very protective of the little girl.

"Yes, 'oh'. You knew this was coming." It wasn't a question.

"Of course."

"You know what we have to do."

"We don't_ have_ to do anything."

Roslin cocked her head and sighed in frustration. "How did I know this was going to happen?"

Adama shrugged but didn't answer. It wasn't a time for levity.

"Bill," she said warningly, "she's a cylon. No matter that she's half human, or that she's Captain Thrace's daughter."

"It does matter."

"We have to get rid of her. She's a threat just like the other one was."

"So what are you suggesting? We adopt her out and tell Kara she died just like we did to Boomer and Helo?" His eyes were dark and angry.

"If I thought we could get away with it, yes, but people would begin to get suspicious if we went that route again."

"Some already are."

"Nothing we can do about that. We have to keep her close for observation."

"Can we not do the same with Kara looking after her daughter?"

She gave him a pitying look. "Your love for that girl blinds you. You overlook her faults all the time."

"It's called being human Laura."

"Yes but you can't deny you have a soft spot for her."

"What does that prove?"

Roslin took a deep breath. "We can't trust her."

Adama puffed up his chest belligerently but she forestalled him as he opened his mouth.

"She's betrayed you before, she'll do it again."

"I don't believe that."

She sighed in deep frustration. "The cylons created that child; they brainwashed Kara into believing she's it's mother. What happens if they come back for her? Do you really think she'll choose us over her child if she's faced with an ultimatum?"

Adama didn't answer. Their eyes locked and unspoken words were said between them. After several minutes he finally ventured forth.

"So what do you suggest we do?"

Roslin's answer was prompt. "Put her out the airlock."

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 8**

**ooooooooooooooooooooo**

"I can't believe you just said that." Adama's voice was low, tense - not what Roslin had expected. Anger, shouting - much more his style when it came to his children. And Kara was one of them - a replacement for the son he'd lost.

"Do you really think we have a choice?"

"There's always a choice."

"You can't deny what I've said is true."

Adama stood and walked around the room, stopping behind her.

"Perhaps, but I refuse to murder that child in cold blood."

"That child is half-cylon!" She stood and whirled around to face him, hands firmly planted on her hips.

"And she's half-human," Adama countered, voice rising in anger. "I know you think I'm favouring her because she's Kara's daughter, but I'd feel the same no matter whose she was. Enough people have died under my command already - I won't let another one die if I can help it!"

"This is no time to get personal Bill," she challenged.

"It's not personal." He forced himself to drop his tone. "Weren't you the one who insisted that our first priority be to have babies? Preserve our species?"

"I didn't mean half-breeds!"

"I'm shocked at you Laura. Would you be racist like this if two people from different colonies were to have a child?"

"That's different and you know it. The cylons are our enemy, or have you forgotten that?"

"I haven't forgotten," he said shortly. "But the cylons created that child for a purpose. How much better is it if we can thwart that purpose than to kill her outright?"

"How do you propose we do that?" Her tone was skeptical.

"I don't know yet, but she's still young. Imagine what we might be able to do if we have her grow up among humans instead of cylons. She and Helo's child are much of an age. They can grow up with us but yet still have each other."

"Yes but Isis doesn't even _know_ she's half-cylon, and if Lieutenant Agathon ever finds out she's still alive, he'd put a gun to your head in an instant."

"I've no doubt she'll find out the truth eventually - perhaps not from us, but her true nature will eventually assert itself."

"And then? We have two half-cylons that rebel against us?"

"The hope is that growing up with us will teach them to love us and respect us. To fight against whatever inborn instincts they may have."

Roslin looked unconvinced. "If all we're resting on here is a hope ..."

"It's all we have. Who knows how many of them they've created? More clones of Kara? Hundreds of women on the farms on Caprica bearing children? Maybe more on the other colonies? I'd rather have two on our side than none."

Roslin smiled in spite of herself. "You really are very convincing, you know that Bill?

"I can be - when I want to." He smiled.

"Okay you've swayed me, but we need to have the utmost security on them at all times."

"I've got Lee with them."

She let out a delicate laugh. "Bill you're so blind. Your son is more in love with that woman than you are. He'd do anything for her."

"Lee? Kara?" His brow furrowed. "I know he cares for her, but he'd do the right thing if he had to."

"Ask yourself the same question we asked ourselves about Captain Thrace. If he had to choose between us and her, I have no doubt what that choice would be."

Adama's face set disapprovingly but he didn't dispute it.

"Are you suggesting we keep them apart?"

"Not at all. I doubt we could even if we tried." She smiled. "Just add more security - people who aren't likely to pick sides."

Adama sighed. "That's getting harder and harder these days."

She laid a hand on his arm as she rose to leave. "I'm sure you'll work it out."

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee arrived back at Lifestation very out of breath after sprinting all the way from the hangar bay. Kara stood by Tessa's bedside where the little girl was babbling something - incoherently to him anyway. He caught a quick look of reproach from her before her features returned to normal.

His heart cracked slightly - he was supposed to be helping her heal, not hurting her more.

Cottle was also unimpressed. "You can't allow distractions to get in the way of your duties," he growled, throwing him an angry glare.

Lee flushed bright red. "It was nothing important."

Cottle grunted. "Well, we're about done here. Why don't you head back to your quarters and I'll get back to you with results later."

Kara nodded and picked Tessa up off the bed.

"Ee," she shouted gleefully, eyes sparkling as she noticed him.

"I'm here little girl," he said, smiling as he walked over to her. She immediately shoved her hand down his jacket and plucked the dogtags out, laughing happily.

"Let's go," Kara said, forcing a smile onto her face as well. Lee slipped the dogtags over his head and let Tessa carry them.

Once they were back at their quarters and Tessa was absorbed in playing, Lee came over and sat beside Kara on the bed.

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier," he said softly.

She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "It's your right to have a private life."

"Not when it interferes with you." He turned and faced her head on, ready to take whatever sarcastic comment she was about to throw his way.

She searched his eyes, not finding the answer to what she needed to know.

"Why was she acting possessive of you like that? Is she always that way?"

"Sort of." He blushed. "She's a little scared of losing me I think."

"I can see why she would be," Kara said, frank admiration in her eyes.

Lee's blush deepened. He'd seen her staring at him undressed before but never had she actually come out and made an honest comment about his looks. One tha_t didn't _involve sarcasm.

"Is there anyone in particular she's afraid of losing you to?" she asked curiously.

How to answer that one. Should he tell her about them and what had almost been? He opted to go the partially truthful route.

"There is," he said, standing up and beginning to pace. "You."

"Me?" Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

He took a deep breath. "You and I ... have always been close. Some people thought we were more than just friends at one time ..."

"Were we?" she interrupted.

"Not exactly. We've kind of been more than friends, but less than ..." He sought for the right word.

" ...lovers?" she supplied, flushing slightly.

"Exactly." He turned to face her. "And then you met Samuel and one thing led to another ... and you married him."

He shifted uncomfortably. Every time he thought about Kara and Sam together a mental picture of the day she brought him back from Caprica came unbidden into his mind. It wasn't a memory he wanted to keep, but it had haunted him since the day it happened. It was as if she'd taunted him - hung Sam on a string in front of him, as it were. Showing him how happy she could be with someone else.

"Tell me about him?" she begged, the name Samuel causing small snippets of memory to flash through her mind. She needed to know if she was remembering correctly.

"I'll do the best I can, but I wasn't around for a good amount of the time you were together." He began at the beginning.

Kara noticed a change in him as he talked. It was subtle, but she could feel it. Disquiet, discomfort ... he didn't like Samuel. Or was it perhaps Samuel with Kara he didn't like? She couldn't tell. All she knew was that the vibe she was getting from him was very different than the one she'd gotten when he'd talked about her life on Galactica.

When he was done she studied him for a moment.

"Can I see him?"

"Kara, he uh ... he died on the planet. Months ago already."

"Oh." Her face fell. "How?"

"Pneumonia."

Her face went chalk-white suddenly and her eyes widened.

_"I ... I need a favour," she said humbly, knowing he was likely to refuse, given the anger between them._

_"Really." She could hear the dryness in his voice. Yep, he was going to make her beg and even then probably refuse to help._

_"Anders is sick. He has pneumonia Lee. I think ... I think he might die."_

_Whatever response he might have made was lost as the crackling of the headset signaled loss of connection._

"I asked you for help," she said slowly, "and you were going to say no. Did he die because you wouldn't help us?" she added accusingly, eyes full of hurt.

"No, of course not ..." Lee began hotly but realized he wasn't being entirely truthful. "I'm not really sure." He looked down guiltily. "You asked me for help and I never got a chance to answer - the cylons arrived exactly at that moment and things went a little crazy after that."

She had to know. "Would you have helped if you could have?"

He sighed. "I don't know. I didn't want him to die ... but I was so angry with you then. We'd had a big fight and ..."

" ... weren't speaking to each other," she finished. "I remember. Vaguely anyway."

The silence after her statement was compelling Lee to lift his eyes to meet hers. He needed to know. There was sorrow there - extreme sorrow.

His heart began to ache. And pound. Much as he wanted his 'old' Kara back, he'd hoped she wouldn't remember this.

"What was it that was so bad that we stopped speaking to each other?" she asked wistfully.

He sighed and took a deep breath before beginning.

"Well ..."

**TBC **


	9. Chapter 9

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 9**

**ooooooooooooooooooooo**

There was a pause.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Lee asked, loathe to get into the details. Their history was something best forgotten as far as he was concerned.

"Please? I _need_ to know Lee. I need to understand what my life was like before they took it away from me."

Lee gulped and glanced over at Tessa, who'd lay down on the bed and fallen asleep. Good - he didn't want her hearing any of this. She was probably too young to understand much of it, but still, he felt uncomfortable talking about it in front of her.

"Well ..." he began again, " it all started about two months after you'd married Sam and moved to New Caprica ..."

_An officer she didn't know strode towards her purposefully, stopping just short of where she and Sam stood watching him._

_"Captain Thrace?" he said tentatively._

_She studied his uniform. "Not many people call me 'Captain' anymore Lieutenant. In case you're unaware, I'm not in the military anymore." _

_Sam slung an arm around her shoulders and she smiled, feeling his weight and warmth as he touched her. That was one of the things she loved most about being with him - he made her feel warm and loved. And happy._

_"All I know is Commander Adama sent me with a message for you."_

_"Lee?" The word came out suddenly. Too suddenly. "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing's wrong Captain. He'd like you to come to the Pegasus for an assignment."_

_"But I'm not in the ..."_

_"I know Captain. But he specifically requested you. He said only you've got the qualifications needed for the job."_

_Kara felt herself blush as Sam's arm tightened. "He said that?"_

_"Yes ma'am."_

_She felt an unfamiliar feeling start at the pit of her stomach and spread through her. It had been a long while since she'd felt useful. She'd tried to fit in here and had even created a new kind of paint and begun painting again, but something had still been missing. She needed to fly. _

_Obviously that was what Lee wanted her for - it was the only thing she did well. He knew her abilities and had finally acknowledged, after what seemed like forever, her superiority in the sky. So what was the harm of a small assignment?_

_Sam seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. "How long would it be?" he asked._

_"Pardon me sir, but may I ask who you are?" the Lieutenant asked curiously._

_"My husband, Lieutenant," Kara answered quickly._

_"I see. The Commander said it would be no more than ten days. Possibly less."_

_Kara looked up at Sam imploringly. The pull was so strong ..._

_He couldn't resist those eyes. He knew she'd missed flying terribly through she'd never said so out loud. Most of her pictures implied it though, with masses of blue and objects seemingly flying across the canvasses._

_"I think you should go," he said softly._

_"Are you sure? You could come with me," she said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth._

_Sam shook his head. "I can't leave for that long, you know that. They need me here. And anyway, I wasn't the one who was invited."_

_"No, but Lee has to know if he gets me he'll get you too."_

_He spun her around to face him and encircled her waist. "Kara, go. I know you've missed it. You gave up everything to come here with me and I love you dearly for that. Go - if you can go do what you want to for a little while then come back, then you should."_

_Kara threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest._

_"Thank you," she whispered, a sob catching in her throat. After a minute or so she was able to get herself together. She turned and faced the Lieutenant, still standing calmly, waiting for her answer._

_"When does the transport leave?"_

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_She stepped off the transport three hours later, backpack in hand. Lee was there to greet her, as if he'd known she would come without any doubts._

_"Starbuck," he said lazily, familiar challenging look in his azure blue eyes._

_"I'm not technically Starbuck anymore am I?" she said, walking over to stand before him, only a few inches away. _

_"I guess not, technically, but the name Starbuck is legend around here so we'll let you borrow it back for a while."_

_"Gee thanks." She sauntered past him towards the corridor that took her to crew quarters. "I hope you've got a spare flightsuit and helmet. I left mine on Galactica."_

_"I had them sent over," he said smoothly, joining her._

_She cocked an eyebrow but kept looking straight ahead. "Thinking ahead Apollo?"_

_"You know me - I like to over-think things," he answered with a straight face. "And by the way, you should be addressing me as 'Commander'." He dared a peek to see how she'd react to that one. Things had been a little strained between them when she'd decided to quit and leave Galactica, but it was no more tense than some of the other conflicts they'd had. He felt sure they could find their way back to the friendship they'd shared, if only given an opportunity. And here it was._

_"I was going to ask if you wanted that stick up your ass shoved up further because you know I'd be happy to help with that," she said with exaggerated enthusiasm, "but I see it's up about as far as it can go already."_

_He stopped and she did too a stride later. The look on his face was priceless - she'd shocked him good. Then he suddenly broke into laughter. It was infectious and within seconds she was laughing too._

_"I've missed you Kara, " he said, pulling her into a hug. Surprised, she returned it, feeling the familiar warm sensation she always got when touching him flooding back immediately._

_'It's good to see you too Lee," she returned, squeezing hard._

_They broke apart and continued walking._

_"You're wrong you know," he began._

_"About what?" she demanded._

_"The stick." She shot him a narrow glance. "It's not all the way up yet. I've got to make Admiral for that." He grinned._

_"You'd better not let your father know you're bucking for his job. He may be retirement age but he's still a pretty tough fighter." She grinned back._

_"I don't have to fight him. The rites of succession and all ..." he joked._

_Kara elbowed him. "Your ego has certainly grown while I was gone."_

_"Yeah, well I had to do something to alleviate the boredom without your frak-ups to smooth out."_

_Kara was suddenly reminded of the last time he'd told her she was a frak-up - right here on this very ship only a few months earlier. This time she could tell he was kidding her though so she didn't bristle up like she usually did._

_"Dualla not keeping you busy enough?" she said lightly. Lee's mouth tightened visibly. "What? Aren't you still together? Because I've heard and lot of gossip from the supply run guys ..."_

_"We're still together," he said flatly, "but since we're the two head officers of this ship we don't get a lot of free time together."_

_Kara nodded. "I see." And she did. She'd always wondered how they'd hooked up, being so different personality-wise, and now she could see the truth - there wasn't much between them. Likely inertia was what was keeping them together. When no one else was available, you took what was at hand._

_"So, these will be your temporary quarters," he said, changing the subject as they reached the pilots bunkroom hatch. "We begin tomorrow morning at 0700hrs in the briefing room."_

_"You wanna tell me what I'm here for?" she asked playfully._

_"And ruin the surprise? I think not. You'll find out soon enough." He smiled and her heart suddenly did a backflip and ended up in a heap at the bottom of her stomach. He still had that 'come frak me' teasing look and he was using it on her full force. _

_She cleared her throat nervously. "I'll be there."_

_"Sober please, I need everything you've got."_

_She stepped close - very close and Lee could feel her breath on his face as she spoke. "It's yours."_

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

_"You've got to be kidding me." Kara looked at him in disbelief._

_"It's no joke," Lee said, completely serious. "They've all had basic training but I need someone to teach them combat and all they stuff they never taught at the academy. All the stuff you're good at."_

_"But Lee, I haven't even been _in_ a ..."_

_"You can do it Kara, no one better." He looked straight at her. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't know you were capable."_

_She returned his gaze and it held until the hatch opened and pilots began filing in._

_Lee broke off the stare and cleared his throat. "At ease everyone." They all sat. "We have a guest teacher here with us for the next week or so. This is Starbuck, formerly of Galactica."_

_She nodded brusquely at them, quickly reading as many faces as she could. In most of them she saw awe and admiration - evidently Lee was right - the name Starbuck meant something to them. There were few belligerent ones, but that was nothing new. She'd trained her share of people that thought they were too good to need lessons. They were always wrong._

_"She's the best there is," Lee went on, "and I want you to pay careful attention to everything she shows you. _ Everything_, no matter how unorthodox it seems."_

_"I thought Kat was the best," one of the belligerent ones piped up._

_Lee turned a cold eye on him. "Kat is good," he said simply, "but Starbuck is frakking fantastic. There's no one to touch here out there."_

_Kara coloured as all eyes swiveled her way._

_"I thought you were reputed to be the best pilot there ever was sir. You know, what with being 'Apollo' and all ..." another voice spoke up._

_Kara leaned close to Lee and muttered under her breath. "Must've been reading Tigh's reports."_

_Lee tried not to smirk. "I _was_ good," he admitted. "Just not as good as she is. Pay her careful mind and do everything she says. I'll warn you now, she doesn't have a lot of patience and everything that pisses her off will come straight back to me. Is that understood?"_

_Every voice in the room was in unison. "Yes sir."_

Well, he certainly runs a tight ship, _she thought. _Must be that stick ... _She grinned._

_"I'll leave you to it then," Lee said and glanced over at Kara. Their eyes locked and held for just a moment longer than propriety dictated, then he turned and left. _

_He stood just outside the door and listened as she addressed the group._

_"Morning everyone. Looks like we've got a tough week ahead of us." She reeled off all the maneouvres on the list Lee had given her and he could hear some of them gasp in surprise._

_"Can you show us how they're done ... um ... Lieutenant? ... Captain ? ..."_

_"Starbuck. Just call me Starbuck. I don't have a rank anymore. And yes, I can show you how they're done but you'll have to give me a little slack. I haven't even been in a cockpit in over two months."_

_Lee smiled. Regardless of how modest she was being, he knew she'd fly circles around them._

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

"You wanted to see me?" Adama was never a man to mince words.

Neither was Cottle. "You're not going to believe what I've found."

"Give it to me straight doc."

"They're trying to turn Starbuck into a cylon."

"What?" Adama shouted. He'd expected something pretty shocking - Cottle wasn't one to overstate things - but he'd expected it to be in connection with the child. Not Kara.

Cottle looked at him gravely. "They've implanted a chip in her head." He pulled out the x-ray he'd taken earlier and attached it to the light. "Here," he pointed.

"My gods," Adama whispered, eyes wide with shock. "Why? Why would they do this to her?"

Cottle shrugged. "No idea, but the technology is insidious."

"Can you remove it?"

Cottle squirmed uncomfortably. "I ... I don't know. Look here," he pointed , "these tendrils?"

"Mmhm," Adama murmured.

"They're biological, yet they're emanating from the microchip. They've already encircled here, here and here. I'm not sure I can remove them without doing some serious damage."

"Frakking hell!" Adama exploded, punching the examination table so hard it reverberated for several seconds.

Cottle cocked an amused eyebrow at him.

"Sorry for the language. Is there nothing you can do?"

"I could perhaps go in and try to remove it, but I'll have to do more tests to see the extent of the takeover and find out if it's increasing. There's no guarantee it would be successful though, and I might do more damage than good."

Adama stared at him pointedly.

"Hey, I'm a military field doctor, not a brain surgeon. I know some basics but I'm not expert." He shrugged apologetically. "How about I start with keeping her under observation and we go from there?" he added kindly, knowing how strongly the Admiral felt about Kara.

Adama nodded, now knowing what else to suggest. He hated feeling utterly helpless but that was exactly how he felt right now.

As Cottle walked over to his office to gather some notes, Adama bowed his head and began to pray - something he hadn't done in years before the first cylon attack. Now it seemed he had reason to more often than not.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 10**

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Cottle walked back into the room. "There's something else."

Adama rolled his eyes. More? There could be _more_ bad news?

Cottle threw the folder down on the bed between them, squarely facing the Admiral.

"The child's human. Fully human."

"What?" Adama roared. "But I thought ..."

"We all did." Cottle lit a cigarette. He had a feeling he was going to need to calm his nerves a little.

Adama reflected a moment, allowing his initial reaction to subside into something a little less harsh.

"How did this happen doc? Kara's never had a child."

"No, that's true." He puffed contentedly. "Her medical records bear that out. But she _is_ missing her left ovary."

Adama's mind raced - and found the memory he was looking for. "Caprica?"

"Yup. Caprica. They took out her ovary while she was a prisoner."

"That would explain why the cylons had the child," Adama mused. "The question is, _whose_ DNA did they use to create the embryo in the first place?"

"Well, that is the question isn't it?"

"Do you have an answer?" Adama asked patiently, knowing Cottle well enough to know that he was incapable of responding without sarcasm.

"Not yet. I began doing specialized cylon testing but when it became clear they were negative I started a new batch of regular genetic tests."

"How long will that take?"

"To be honest, we may never know the answer," Cottle admitted. "I can identify blood type and basic nucleic structure, but unless the father is someone on this ship, we'll likely never find an exact match for the DNA."

"How the hell would they get DNA from one of my crew members?" Adama growled, a knot of fear beginning to gnaw at the pit of his stomach. Were there more 'sleeper' cylons within the fleet? They'd been told yes. Were they members of his crew? He felt the bile rise in his throat at the thought that others he'd liked and trusted were part of the enemy.

"Well that's more your department than mine Admiral. All I'm concerned with is that you get Starbuck down here as soon as possible. I wouldn't trust those toasters for a second and I have a feeling that whatever they did to her is going to be damned near impossible to reverse."

Adama nodded curtly, signaling that the meeting was over. He walked over to the phone by Cottle's desk and called security.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

A knocking at the hatch pulled Lee from his daydreams. He glanced over at Kara and saw that she was still sleeping. They'd talked for some time about the past, but around the time he became antsy about continuing, she'd confessed to being tired and wanting a nap. So Lee had been given a reprieve to gather his thoughts and figure out how best to broach the delicate subject of exactly what she'd done to ruin their friendship.

He noticed Tessa was stretching and blinking but not crying. She'd obviously slept well.

He opened the hatch to find a detail of three marines, armed, behind it.

"Move aside Major," one of them said.

"Excuse me?" Lee could feel the nerves beginning to hum inside of him so he put on his best bravado to cover them up.

"Move aside Major. We don't want to have to hurt you."

"I can assure you, you will only take her over my dead body," Lee stated coldly, folding his arms over his chest. There was no way in hell _anyone_ was going to take Kara's daughter.

"I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to," the lead marine said, pulling his gun.

"When the Admiral finds out about this ..." Lee began hotly.

"We're under orders _from _the Admiral sir," one of the others put in.

"We're to escort Captain Thrace to Lifestation immediately."

"Me?" Kara said, walking over to stand beside Lee. "Why me? What do they want with me?"

"I can't answer that sir, but you're to come with us now," the leader stated, reaching for her arm.

"Don't you touch her!" Lee blazed, stepping between them.

"But sir ..."

_"I'll_ take her," Lee said firmly.

"I'm not going without Tessa," Kara said, a familiar stubborn placement to her chin.

"I'll carry her," Lee offered, going over and collecting the little girl from her bed. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck.

Watching her, that was exactly what Kara wanted to do too. _What is it about him_ _that makes me feel safe and protected? _she wondered, as they walked side-by-side down the corridor, hips accidentally brushing each other's now and then.

"Welcome back Captain," Cottle said as they entered Lifestation. "I see you brought your entourage."

Kara scowled at him. "What's this all about? "

"And why did you need guards?" Lee demanded. "What's going on here?"

Cottle turned to Adama. "Do you really think security needs to stay? I can always sedate her if she doesn't cooperate."

"Lee can stay. He should be enough of a deterrent for her not to make a break for it."

"Dad, what the hell is going on?" Lee demanded, swiveling to face his father.

"Do you need us sir, or should we return to our regular duties?" the lead marine asked Adama.

"Would SOMEBODY please tell me what the frak's going on around here?" Kara yelled, silencing the many questions still unanswered.

Cottle smirked. "Still the Starbuck we all know and remember fondly."

"I swear unless I get an answer from you I will not be responsible for my actions!" Kara said dangerously, advancing on Cottle.

"Settle down Kara. The doc needs to do some more tests on you," Adama explained gently.

"Why? What's wrong?" Lee asked worriedly.

"Come with me," Adama said brusquely to him. Then he looked over at Cottle. "The marines should stay until Lee comes back."

Cottle nodded.

"What are we going to do with Tessa?" Kara asked in a small voice, anger now dissipated.

"I'll take her with me," Lee offered, as the toddler tightened her grip on his neck.

Kara's eyes met his and he could see fear and desperation in them.

"It'll be okay. I'll be back soon. Just do what the doc says and everything will be alright." He tried to reassure her, lowering his voice and speaking as gently as he could, but her look told him it didn't work. There wasn't much else he could do though, as his father had his elbow in a vise grip and was leading him away.

**oooooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee sat and arranged the little girl on his lap so she had access to his dogtags. Once she was immersed in play, he turned serious eyes on his father.

"What is going on?" he asked in a quiet, solemn voice. His heart was pounding wildly and though he was trying to appear calm he was sure his father _must_ be able to hear it, or at least see the pulse beating in his throat.

Adama wasted no time getting to the point. "The cylons have been messing with Kara's head."

"Well that's pretty obvious isn't it?"

"I mean_ inside_ her head. They've implanted a microchip in her."

Lee's face went chalk white. "My gods ... why?"

Adama's eyebrows shrugged. "No one knows."

"Can the doc remove it?" Lee whispered.

"He's not sure. That's why he needs to do more tests on her."

"Fra ..." He stopped himself when he realized he was about to swear in front of Tessa. "What do you suppose the chip is there to do?" he asked instead.

"That's a good question. And one I don't have an answer to. Has she started to regain any of her memories yet?"

"Some," Lee answered, somewhat distantly, mind racing.

"Well, hopefully that's a good sign," Adama said softly.

Lee unconsciously stroked Tessa's back, as though trying to calm her, though in reality _he_ was the agitated one.

"What are we going to do?" he asked dejectedly, eyes brimming with sorrow.

"We're going to do everything we can to bring _our_ Kara back to us. In the meanwhile though, she needs to be kept under constant guard. Who knows what they programmed into that device and how she'll react to it."

"Can I ... stay with her?" Lee asked tentatively.

I"m going to keep a guard on her, but yes, as she seems to trust you, you stay with her and don't leave her for a second."

Lee nodded earnestly and rose to leave.

"One more thing."

His father's tone put him off guard - it was harsh, unforgiving.

"I generally tend to ignore most rumours I hear, but I heard one the other day that I just can't seem to shake. Perhaps you can tell me why I've been hearing that you and Kara have been lovers ever since you came aboard this ship, and why people are saying you're the father of that child you're holding."

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 11**

A/N: Seems I'm torturing you all here by not getting to the 'good' stuff fast enough. Sorry about that - the story is just unfolding a little slower than I thought it would. Hope you'll all stick around for 'the big event'. :)

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee's face paled, then he blushed a deep, dark red. "I don't know what you're talking about," he protested.

Adama glared at him. "People only say that when they have something to deny."

Lee's anger spilled forth suddenly. "Kara and I are not lovers!" He squeezed the girl in his arms in a tight hug. "And as fond as I am of Tessa, she's not mine."

Adama nodded, showing his appreciation for Lee's honesty, but his eyes were still hard, dark, and there was something hidden behind them.

"Where did you hear that rumour anyway?" Lee's cheeks weren't the only part of him that felt like it was on fire. How was it his father always seemed to penetrate to his innermost secrets and lay them bare?

"It's the talk of the ship, Lee. Gaeta was the one who came to me first, figuring it would be better for news like that to be told straight out than I find out through the grapevine."

"How kind of him," Lee said dryly. "Who would make up such a ..." A light dawned suddenly and Lee knew exactly who it was. "Frak," he muttered under his breath. "I can't believe she would stoop so low ..."

"I beg your pardon?" Adama interrupted, the question, normally just a rhetorical one, obviously requiring an answer.

"I know who started it," Lee said, drawing himself up proudly. "I'll end it."

"See that you do. I don't need rumours like that spreading about my XO, whether they be true or not."

"They're not true," Lee said angrily.

"_You're_ the one who told me you loved her and would do anything for her," Adama reminded him.

Lee flushed again. "I know, and I do, I would. But the feelings are all on my side. She just thinks of me as a friend."

"An awfully close friend," Adama pointed out.

"Yes we're close ... or we were anyway, but I swear to you, it's never gone beyond that." As he spoke, the memories flashed at him suddenly and he paled.

Adama, skilled at reading people, didn't fail to notice the change in him.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me the truth?"

Lee's eyes dropped and he shifted uncomfortably. He felt his father's stare, demanding an answer.

He looked up proudly, ready to share the truth - for the first time.

"Kara and I_ haven't_ been lovers since the beginning, that much is true. But there was a time nearly a year ago when she spent ten days on the Pegasus ..."

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"So," Kara spoke up after a half hour of total silence. "Guess I have a reason for being crazy now huh?"

Cottle smirked as he lit up a cigarette. "You've never needed on before, why start now?"

As he turned away to shut off the scanner, Kara stuck out her tongue at him, feeling like it was something she'd been doing all her life, even though she couldn't remember him at all.

He turned back towards her. "I'm going to need you to stay here until I've deciphered the results."

"Why?" she demanded, hopping off the table and giving him an angry glare.

He gave her a pitying look, as though he were explaining the situation to Tessa rather than her.

"Because I said so," he said slowly, "and because I outrank you."

This time she stuck out her tongue right to his face.

He clicked his tongue. "Now, now, it's a good thing you're technically not part of the crew anymore, or I'd have to report that."

"Good thing," Kara agreed dryly. "So what am I supposed to do while I wait?"

Cottle was about to plaster her with a rude comment but just as he opened his mouth, another voice spoke up.

"I'm sure I can figure out a way to keep her out of your hair."

Cottle grinned as Lee, Tessa clinging to him, walked over to stand beside Kara. All traces of grumpiness fell from her face as she smiled back at them. Tessa climbed into her arms and snuggled up.

Cottle shook his head mentally. He didn't think he'd ever see Starbuck, the acid-mouthed kick ass, in a mothering role.

"She's all yours," he said to Lee. "Have a good time."

Kara sat back on the examination table, Tessa balancing on her lap.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked.

"Well, we could continue our exploration of the past," Lee suggested, not really wanting to but knowing if he didn't mention it she would.

Her eyes lit up hopefully. "Can we? There's so much more I want to know."

"Well, some things are best left forgotten," he said without thinking.

Her face became downcast. "So you're not going to tell me about us?"

Lee sighed but faced her squarely. "There are things I'd really rather forget and you might too once you remember them, but it's one thing to _choose_ to forgive and forget. It's another to have someone erase your memory."

Kara stroked Tessa's hair, absently playing with it as she watched Lee intently.

"I'll tell you everything and then we can work through it all again. Maybe things will turn out better this time."

He couldn't help but have a sinking feeling though, that it might be better for their newfound relationship if she never remembered. Well, he'd vowed to tell her the truth, and if the truth hurt maybe she'd learn something from it and they'd come out stronger in the end. She didn't have Anders to run to this time after all. _But you still have Dee. You know how jealous she is, and that she's the one who started that rumour about you. Maybe it's time to break that connection once and for all._

Inwardly he was relieved at the decision. He'd thought taking up with her, since she was obviously interested, would be a good thing after Kara had firmly shut the door on any possibility of anything happening between them. It hadn't worked out very well though, especially after the 'event' between him and Kara before their complete split, and he and Dee had been walking on eggshells ever since. Kara's return had obviously crushed them.

He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to talk in front of Tessa. _Now_ was when things weren't going to be pretty.

"What's the matter?" Kara asked.

"Nothing, I just ..." An idea popped into his head suddenly. "I'll be right back." He reached for Tessa and she crawled into his arms gladly, big smile splitting her face. The two of them disappeared before Kara got over her shock and demanded to know what was going on.

Lee returned a few minutes later, minus the child.

"Where'd you take her?" Kara asked shortly.

Lee grinned widely. "I left her with my father."

Her eyes widened. "Your father?"

"Yup. He likes kids, always has, and besides, she's _your_ daughter. He's always thought of _you_ as his daughter so I guess in a way Tessa is like his granddaughter. I figured he wouldn't refuse spending some time getting to know her."

"He didn't seem all that keen on her when we first arrived," she pointed out.

"Well that was just his native caution speaking," Lee explained. "We've been burned a few too many times by the cylons and he's learned to be overly cautious until it's proven unnecessary."

"Is that why he's got guards posted outside Lifestation? Because I'm a threat?"

She looked calm but Lee could tell underneath it was hurting her not to be trusted. He sat beside her and put an arm lightly over her shoulder.

"He loves you and of course he trusts you, but you were captured by the enemy and held prisoner while they erased your memory and brainwashed you. He's just worried because those metal motherfrakkers can't be trusted - the humanoid ones neither. He just wants to make sure you're _you_ and that they didn't do anything ... dangerous to you."

"You mean like programming me to kill someone?" she said in a small voice.

"You've been watching too many thrillers Kara," he chuckled. "I'm sure you're fine."

She nodded, somewhat reassured. Though whether she was reassured by his words of his touch, she wasn't quite sure.

"So why did you take Tessa away?" she asked, finally getting back to the point.

Lee hopped off the bed and pulled the privacy curtains around them. "This is where the story gets ugly," he said quietly. "I know she's probably too young ... but I didn't want her hearing this."

Kara's heart began to pound.

_The next few days had been absolute torture for Lee. Yes, he had been the one to request her, and he'd looked forward to seeing her again, but the time they'd spent apart had made him forget the effect she'd always had on him. Every time they were together, and it seemed that was happening with increasing frequency, he felt the magnetic pull that he'd been fighting ever since the day they'd met. _

_They'd touch briefly, accidentally, and his skin would feel like he'd been burned. Every time she looked at him and smiled that impish smile he felt a ball of desire form low in his belly and all he wanted to do was throw her on the floor and frak her senseless. He had to look away whenever it happened, knowing that however hard he tried to hide his feelings, she could always read them in his eyes. _

_They stopped and stared at one another in the middle of a conversation for no apparent reason, and his eyes unwillingly drifted down to her mouth, forcing him to imagine how sweet and wonderful it would be to taste it again. On more than one occasion, he'd gone back to his quarters after being with her, finding Dee there, and taking her again and again until his desire was sated, and his thoughts of Kara faded into a blur._

Lee was blushing furiously as he spoke, but he held himself still and tried to keep his voice even.

Kara's cheeks flamed as well, at the thought of what her presence did to him, and her mouth hung open in a small 'o' of surprise as he continued.

_One evening Lee had asked her to come to his quarters to discuss her evaluations. He hadn't had any conscious intent other than to find somewhere more private than the mess hall, where they would be interrupted constantly._

_It all went well for the first little while, until Lee had asked about a particular report she'd written. She'd disagreed with him and they'd argued until he came around the back of her and leaned over to show her what he was talking about._

_"Right there. You say that he's not capable of ..." He trailed off as her scent reached him suddenly. He leaned closer so he was only an inch away from her ear and breathed deeply. He felt himself begin to stir immediately. She didn't smell good in the sense of fragrant soap or shampoo, or any sort of perfume, but it was as though she'd suddenly let loose thousands of pheromones that were begging him to mate with her._

_She turned her head slightly to see what was wrong, and their noses were almost touching. Her eyes were a deep, dark green and her breath tickled his lips. He licked them unconsciously and stared at her, eyes drifting down, as always, to her wide, full lips._

_"What?" she asked softly. "Why did you stop?"_

_"I don't ..." His restraint snapped as her breath quickened and her pupils dilated. He wanted her so frakking badly he just couldn't help himself._

_He leaned over and gently brushed his lips across hers, a thrilling shiver starting at the roots of his hair and going like an arrow straight down to his groin._

_Her lips responded, softly and slowly, holding the kiss for a full minute before pulling back._

_"Lee," she whispered warningly._

_"Kara," he said desperately, the sound almost more a moan than a word._

_Their eyes locked and Lee knew he was lost. It didn't matter that she was married to Anders or that he was committed to Dee. He needed her, she needed him. They couldn't fight it any longer._

_His last coherent thought as he grabbed her head roughly and pulled her mouth to his was that he hoped Dee wouldn't be coming off shift for a couple of hours. They would need at least that long to satiate the desires they'd been denying so long._

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 12**

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

_Bodies clawed frantically at each other as their mouths hungrily devoured every inch of visible skin. Soon Kara was in nothing but a bra and panties, ironically the same ones as last time they'd attacked each other so passionately, and Lee was clad only in his underwear, though desperately wishing that would come off soon as well._

_"Lee," she gasped, breathing heavily between kisses, "we can't ..."_

_"Why not?" he murmured, lips never leaving hers._

_"What ... about ... Sam?" she managed to sneak out between kisses. _

_Her mind was filled with conflicting images - Lee touching and kissing her, Sam making love to her, Lee staring at her, never able to keep his eyes off her lips, Sam's wide, open smile of invitation ... Yet despite these images that tore at her soul, she couldn't stop her body from reaching out and taking that which she'd wanted so desperately for so long._

_"Frak him," Lee whispered callously, pushing her roughly against the wall and tearing at the cotton straps of her bra._

_"I am ... I do ... every day," she said, hands pushing his away so she could rip it off herself._

_"Good for you, now forget him and frak me!" Lee growled, bending down and taking a nipple in his mouth and squeezing it unmercifully._

_Whatever scathing reply was brewing in her mind was abruptly forgotten as he took the other nipple and did the same, causing her to whimper and shake against him as a small orgasm took hold of her._

_"You want this don't you Kara?" he whispered, kissing down her abdomen softly as he went down on his knees. "You want me don't you?" he asked, pulling her panties down and flicking his tongue swiftly along her core._

_She jumped as though she'd been electrocuted. "Yes!" Her body began to quiver as, after her admission, he began to work his tongue slowly, hands cupping her buttocks and squeezing gently. Her hands grabbed his hair and pushed him closer against her._

_"Gods yes, I want you so much Lee ... " Her breath became ragged and she felt herself quickly losing control. "I never wanted ... hurt Sam ... I love him, but ..."_

_Lee stuck two fingers up inside her and began to work in and out quickly as his tongue flicked furiously back and forth. She cried out as another more powerful orgasm swept through her body. She was unable to speak - unable to think clearly even, so she just rode the waves of pleasure till her body stopped it's wild bucking and Lee stood up, face flushed and sweaty, and looked her straight in the eye._

_"Is is still him you want?" he asked quietly. "Or me?"_

_Kara panted, mouth open as she sought for words._

_"You," was all that came out. She let out a low growl of desire and pushed him back against the bed, tearing his underwear off and throwing him down._

_She straddled him and sank herself down on him immediately, beginning a fast and furious rhythm that she knew would have her coming in a matter of seconds._

_"When I married him," she gasped out between breaths, "i swore to be faithful to him ... to always love him ... to never love another ..."_

_She cried out as her orgasm shot through her and she pushed down hard, trying to get him as deep inside her as she could. _

_"Shit, Lee! ... I wish I didn't love you so frakking much ..." She pushed down hard again and nearly screamed as another orgasm followed the previous one, with barely a moment's breath in between._

_"Makes it so much harder ..." She drew in a huge breath as her body slowed finally. " ... to leave you ..."_

_Lee growled something unintelligible in his chest and grabbed her hips roughly, throwing her to the side and climbing above her, never leaving the warm, throbbing cave he was so firmly esconced in._

_"You're not leaving." _

_He began to thrust in and out of her hard and fast, exactly the way he'd spoken, body harsh and unforgiving._

_"You're _not_ leaving," he repeated firmly, voice becoming breathy as he began to pant. She felt him swell within her and her muscles responded, pulling him in deeper and deeper each time._

_His movements became fierce, possessive, almost animalistic as he claimed her, body and soul. Finally he could take no more and he thrust deep inside her as his orgasm shook him. _

_" _You're not leaving me!_" he cried out, and through the words were firm and possessive, there was an undercurrent of vulnerability and desperation to them. _

Oh Lee, if only you'd said those words earlier ... _Her body bucked up against his and the two shook in perfect rhythm and pleasure for many minutes before they slowed and he collapsed, sated, on top of her. _

_They lay together, unspeaking, five minutes ... ten minutes ... then Kara pulled out from under him and began to dress. Lee sat on the bed, still buck naked, watching her._

_"Tomorrow?" he said quietly, the invitation in his eyes as well as his words._

_She looked at him for a split second, eyes unreadable, before she resumed dressing and looked away._

_"I'll be here for a few days yet," she said cryptically, not really answering the question he'd asked. But then again, he hadn't really asked it. He hoped that the next few days were enough for him to convince her to change her mind about leaving. It wasn't till he'd lost her then gotten her back that he realized _she _was what he wanted, not the woman he'd tried to replace her with._

_As he stepped into the shower spray after she left, he wondered what Dee would do if she ever found out what had just happened. She'd done everything in her power to get him in the first place and he didn't think she would be content to just let him go. Especially to _her

Lee lifted his eyes to meet hers, for the first time in the telling of the story, and nearly decided to stop then and there. Her eyes were wide as saucers; dark and liquid with unshed tears. Her cheeks were coloured with a delicate blush and she looked uncomfortable to the extreme.

Kara for her part, did feel uncomfortable but she also felt an excitement in finding out her gut feelings about Lee had been right. She could tell by the way he'd been treating her the past few days that he cared for her as a friend and would protect her, but she'd felt a sexual thrill run through her body every time he touched her. While it had been a good feeling, it had also been saddening to learn that there was no 'them' - it meant the attraction was all on her side.

"Do you want me to continue?" he asked softly.

She nodded. "I need to know."

He nodded back, resignation written all over his face.

_After their first night together things had only gotten more intense. Lee had worked the schedules himself to make sure he was off shift in the evening and Dee was on till midnight. He found reasons to ask Kara to come to his quarters and within minutes they were naked and all over each other._

_The first couple of nights it was a wild frenzy, each of them having long pent-up desires that needed satisfying. By the fourth night however, things had changed. It wasn't that the love-making had gotten any slower - given the strength of the passion between them that wasn't likely to happen any time soon - but it was less desperate, more possessive. Lee sought to show her that she was _his_ and always had been, even though she'd pulled away from him numerous times. Mind you, it wasn't like he hadn't himself - they'd both been so afraid of letting the feelings between them run wild that either or both of them had run at the first sign that things were going deeper._

_The last night had been the toughest. Kara had come to his quarters voluntarily and had been the one to direct the pace and style for the evening. Lee had happily gone along with her as the aggressor, as that was the role he'd always cast her in in his imaginings. One just couldn't picture Starbuck as a passive participant, allowing the man to take full control, but he had been surprised in the six nights they'd spent together that she'd allowed him to direct things more often than not._

_Kara slipped off the bed, sweat dripping down her temples and in rivulets down her back, and headed for the sink to wash off before dressing. Lee followed her._

_"You can use the shower you know," he remarked._

_She looked up and saw his naked, muscular body, glistening with sweat looking back in the mirror at her._

_"I might be persuaded to join you," he coaxed, smirking._

_Kara shook her head. "I don't think so."_

_"Why not?"_

Why the hell hadn't he been this forward months ago instead of beating around the bush and driving her away, into another man's arms?

_"I don't want to get too comfortable. These aren't my quarters."_

_"They could be."_

_She looked up and stared at his reflection levelly. "I'm going home in the morning."_

_"You don't have to. You could stay here. I can always use another good pilot and you're a fantastic instructor. You've worked miracles with my people."_

_She spun around and wiped her face dry. "I have a husband waiting for me."_

_She brushed past him and began to pull on her clothes. _

_"So what was _this_ all about then?" he asked, the anger seeping into his voice as he followed her._

_"Nothing. It was nothing."_

_"So, we're back to that huh?" he asked, eyes darkening by the second. "Nothing. Why were you so willing to spend the last week in my bed if it was nothing?" he demanded._

_She looked him straight in the eye. "It was good sex."_

_"Good sex?" he shouted angrily. "That's it? It didn't mean anything more to you than that?"_

_Kara turned and walked towards the hatch._

_"What about 'you love me'? You said you wished you didn't love me so much. Is _this_ how you treat people you love? If so, I might actually consider feeling sorry for Anders."_

_Kara's hand hovered on the hatch, holding it open a few inches. Her eyes narrowed as she stared back at him._

_"What do you want from me Lee?"_

_"I don't know - maybe to tell me you love me, that our time actually _meant _something to you ... that you want to stay?"_

_"i can't." She stuck out her arm. "I'm a married woman, remember? Sam is back there waiting for me."_

_"You could leave him." There was a note of pleading in his voice._

_"You _have_ someone already."_

_"Only because I couldn't have you."_

_There it was, the truth Lee hadn't been willing to admit to anyone, even himself, and the truth Kara had suspected all along but didn't want to believe._

_She shook her head vehemently. "No, it couldn't work and we both know it. There may be something there," she went on, alluding to the last time they'd had this conversation, "but it's not the kind of thing you can build a relationship on." Her eyes dropped, unwilling to see the hurt radiating from his. "It's the stuff torrid love affairs are made of, and now our time together has come to an end. I have to go home."_

_"Kara please ..." he begged, the tears audible in his voice._

_She turned her back and swung the hatch open completely. "Goodbye," she said softly, blinking back the tears she could feel gathering hotly in her eyes. She stormed out quickly and slammed the hatch behind her, not even noticing the small, dark-haired woman who stood there, a look of utter shock on her face._

_Lee sat down heavily on the bed and buried his face in his hands. The tears soaked through them and began to drip onto his lap, spilling slowly down his legs and wetting the already damp sheets._

Kara had slid off the bed and scooted behind it during his continuation of the story, as if to hide from him.

"My gods," she whispered as he stopped. "I can't believe I was so horrible to you. Why ... why would I ...?"

Lee shrugged. "Things have always been tricky between us."

"But how could I _do_ such a thing to you?"

His eyes met hers sadly. "That's not even the worst of it."

_That was the last he'd heard from her in nearly three months. He'd heard _of _her from pilots who'd done supply runs and knew she was flourishing and seemed happy on New Caprica, so he never tried contacting her. His wounded pride constantly reminded him that he was better off without her anyway. So did Dee, who'd confronted him after Kara had left that night._

_They fought quite a lot after that, but once he'd shown her that Kara was out of his life for good, she'd forgiven him and they'd become somewhat closer again. After all, he'd reminded her in one of their numerous arguments, hadn't she been frakking around with _him_ while she was still Billy's girlfriend? There wasn't much she could say to dispute that and so the subject had been closed. Permanently he'd thought, until the day _she_ came to visit._

_"Commander Adama, report to the flight briefing room. Pass the word to Commander Adama. Report to the flight briefing room."_

_He picked up the nearest phone and contacted CIC._

_"What's up Lieutenant?" he asked as Dee answered._

_"You have a visitor." Her voice was like ice and Lee felt a shiver go down his spine. A somewhat familiar shiver ..._

_"Who is it?"_

_"You'll see when you get there." She hung up before he could ask any further._

_He headed quickly down two floors and across the ship, noticing not for the first time how out of shape he'd become since quitting regular exercise. He was panting slightly when he reached the door, so he took a few deep breaths to steady himself. _

_He swung open the hatch to see a blonde vision in civilian clothes facing him. Kara._

_There was silence between them as they looked each other up and down._

_"What are you doing here?" he asked, somewhat rudely._

_She was obviously flustered as her cheeks were flushed and she fidgeted nervously._

_"I had to go to Galactica for a med scan and I thought I'd drop in and see you," she answered in a small voice._

_"Something wrong?" he asked, tone not nearly as courteous as his words._

_"No, no ... it's just ..." She seemed afraid to tell him. "I'm pregnant," she finally blurted out._

_His eyes widened. "And you're telling me this because ..." He stopped and read her face. "Oh gods ... is it mine?" He paled visibly._

_She nodded, unable to say the words._

_Lee sat heavily. "Holy frakking hell."_

_**TBC**_


	13. Chapter 13

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 13**

A/N: Wow, I can't believe I've got more than 100 reviews for this story! Thank you so much to all you who've kindly read and reviewed - I greatly appreciate the feedback. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story. :)

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

_They stared at each other for a full two minutes before Lee broke the silence._

_"Are you _sure_?" he asked, colour coming back to his face._

_"Sure of what? Sure I'm pregnant, or sure it's yours?"_

_"Both."_

_"Yes and yes."_

_"How do you know it's mine? I mean you are married, and presumably you do have sex with _him_ ..."_

_"Of course I do," she snapped, getting up and pacing around uncomfortably._

_"So ... how do you know then?" he demanded. "We were together less than a week. Odds are the kid is his."_

_She faced him squarely, hands on her hips. "The doc did a scan to confirm how far along the baby is and the conception date was right in the middle of the week I was here."_

_"Frak." Lee turned and paced away from her, breathing hard as he crossed his arms over his chest. He spun around quickly, a thought assailing him. "Weren't you on birth control? How could this have happened?"_

_"Of course I wasn't," she blazed, eyes fiery._

_"What?" he bellowed "Why the frak not?"_

_"Haven't you been paying attention to what goes on around you, _Commander_?" she demanded, heavy sarcasm on the last word._

_"Don't you lecture _me_ on paying attention ..." he began, angrily, taking steps towards her._

_"Well, if you were, perhaps you'd have known that the President decreed that the civilian's first priority was to preserve the species."_

_Lee's eyes widened - obviously he hadn't known._

_"All women aged twenty to forty _not_ in the military have been denied access to birth control."_

_"You can't be serious."_

_She glared at him. "I'm living proof aren't I? You don't think I'd actually_ choose_ to get pregnant do you?"_

_**ooooooooooooooooooooo**_

_Dee wandered past the flight ready room for the fifth time, wondering if there was a way she could get in and see what was going on, but short of actually barging in uninvited, she didn't see how it was possible._

_The door was slightly ajar where Lee hadn't closed it, but all she could hear were murmured voices. Until one word suddenly popped out at her - pregnant._

_She gave up all pretense of walking past nonchalantly and stood, ear pressed to the crack in the door._

_**ooooooooooooooooooooo**_

_"Doesn't your _husband_ want to have a family?" Lee asked curiously. "He seems like the 'dad' type to me."_

_Kara shrugged. "I guess. We haven't really talked about it much yet."_

_"Does he know about ...?" he gestured at her stomach._

_She nodded. "I had to tell him when my period was late, and then the doc asked me to come fora scan, so ..." she trailed off._

_Lee stepped forward till he was only a step away. "Does he know it's mine?" he asked, voice lower._

_She shook her head. "I came here right after I found out. I mean, I was almost here anyway." She looked down, afraid to meet his eyes._

_There was silence as Lee sought for words._

_"So, what are we going to do about it?" he asked, a trace of gentleness entering his voice._

_"Nothing."_

_"Nothing? What do you mean 'nothing'?" he asked, irked at her lack of a real answer._

_"I mean nothing," she said forcefully, finally looking up at him. "There's no choice - I have to have this baby whether I want to or not. Abortions are illegal."_

_Lee stepped back, affronted. "I would _never_ suggest ..."_

_"Then what_ were_ you suggesting?" she asked, eyes narrowing._

_"We're having a baby Kara," he said, as if explaining it to a three-year-old. "_We_, you and me. Don't you think we should be in on this together?"_

_Kara laughed mirthlessly. "I'm married Lee, and from what I hear you and Dee are as good as married as well."_

_"So? Nothing is permanent."_

_She cocked her head and looked at him in amazement. "Are you saying what I _think_ you're saying?"_

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

_Dee's jaw dropped almost literally to the deck. He couldn't possibly be saying ... but apparently he was. _

How could he even possibly think of dumping me for that ... that ... woman? _she thought, unable in her anger to even come up with an insult low enough for Kara. _Bad enough she turned Lee into a two-timer, now she's going to marry him and have his baby? Not a chance!

**oooooooooooooooooooooo**

_"Leave Anders and come here with me. We can raise this baby together."_

_There was a wistful tone in his voice and a look in his eyes that Kara had never seen before, but she ignored it. She and Lee together? Parents? It would never work. Besides, she'd married Sam and she owed it to him to give it a real try. She'd made a commitment, and though she'd screwed it up already she was trying to forget it had ever happened and had started fresh._

_"No."_

_"You're planning on staying with him," Lee said flatly, trying desperately to keep his sorrow and anger in check but not succeeding very well._

_"Yes," she answered defiantly._

_"What do you think he'll say when you tell him the baby's mine?"_

_"I don't plan on telling him."_

_"You what ...? You're going to ..." he spluttered angrily, face reddening._

_"As far as he's concerned, the baby is his. No one is ever going to know the truth but you and me."_

_Dee burst in suddenly, unable to control her anger any longer. "You adulterous, lying bitch!" she yelled, stalking over to join them._

_"Nice to see you too, Lieutenant. Been eavesdropping?"_

_Dee was only angered more by Kara's calm, unruffled behaviour._

_"You little whore! You _have_ a man already and yet you couldn't keep your hands off mine!"_

_"Actually it was more like he couldn't keep his hands off me," Kara said, giving an embarrassed laugh. "But how could I resist when the 'Arrow of Apollo' had my name written all over it?" She shrugged, smiling provocatively._

_Dee paled._

_"Of course now I'm stuck with the consequences, but I can deal with them. You two just go back to your pretty little lives like nothing ever happened and I'll go back to mine and no one ever need know what really happened."_

_"Kara, you're carrying my baby ..." Lee protested angrily, but she cut him off._

_"And that was an accident. We both know what happened between us never should have. I should have been smart enough to stay away from you."_

_"Too bad you're not though," Dee muttered._

_Kara turned on her, a nasty smile on her face. "I wouldn't be passing judgment if I were you. You were the one who was frakking around with Lee while you were still with Billy. You could easily have been the one to be in this situation.'_

_"How dare you bring that up?" Dee choked out self-righteously._

_"Well as long as we're all talking infidelity here, I figured you shouldn't get left out." She smiled with saccharine sweetness._

_"Kara," Lee said warningly._

_She whirled around to face him, all sweetness gone. "You're no better are you Lee? You knew she hadn't broken up with Billy before you started frakking her didn't you?" _

_Lee shifted uncomfortably but didn't answer. Instead he shot Dee a quick look._

_"I thought so. And you came on to me even though I was married and only here as a _favour_ to you. Not to mention," she added, gesturing at Dee, "that you were committed to someone else. Someone whom rumours say you plan on marrying."_

_"So what's your point?" Lee asked impatiently, face turning red with embarrassment._

_Kara smiled. "I'm just pointing out the fact that though I have faults and have done things I shouldn't have, neither of _you_ is perfect either." _

_She clutched her stomach suddenly and paled slightly._

_"Are you okay?" Lee cursed himself. Despite the fact that he was angry with her - angrier than he'd ever been - his protective instincts always kicked in when it came to her._

_Dee flinched as Lee went to her side and put an arm around her shoulders. She'd always suspected that while she had Lee's body, Kara held his heart. Even though he'd sworn to her that it was over and there was 'nothing there anymore', circumstances now were proving him a liar._

_"I'm fine. Just a little queasy. It'll pass."_

_Dee huffed angrily. "This is all your fault! You've ruined our lives!" she cried, green eyes flashing at Kara._

_"Ruined _your_ lives? _I'm _the one stuck having a baby I don't want!" Kara screamed at her, finally fed up. "You can just forget about this whole thing but I can't!"_

_"I don't want to forget! It's _my_ baby too!" Lee shouted back._

_"Not anymore," Kara said quietly. "I've put Sam's name down as the father and I suggest you don't tell anyone otherwise._

_"Or else what?" Dee demanded, hands on her hips._

_"Or else everyone will know what the moral, upstanding Commander of Pegasus has been up to in his spare time," Kara said, a nasty smile on her face. "And then everyone will know you weren't good enough for him."_

_Dee exploded. "It's not like they don't anyway! Haven't you heard the rumours? Everyone thinks you and Lee have been sleeping together since the beginning! This is just proof of it."_

_"I don't care about my reputation," Lee said, somewhat more calmly than his counterpart. "I care about you, and our child."_

_"I don't want to hurt Sam,' Kara said softly. "He deserves better."_

_"Better than _you_, that's for sure!" Dee snorted, cheeks flaming with anger._

_"Yes, I made a mistake but I don't want that to affect him and I'm not about to let it. He's happy thinking he's going to be a father and I won't let anything ruin that for him."_

_"Yeah? And what's to stop _me_ from telling him even if you won't?" Dee challenged belligerently._

_"Well, Kara began, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "For starters, I might have to tell everyone about your and the former Lieutenant Gaeta."_

_Dee paled and shrank back. "How do you know about that?"_

_Lee turned furious eyes on her. "What about you and Gaeta?" he demanded, voice deadly quiet._

_"I saw them having sex in his office when I had to deliver something to the President. When was it you were down on the planet?" she asked Dee sweetly. "Two weeks ago? Three? I've forgotten now. The days all seem the same to me."_

_"It was three weeks ago," Lee said, jaw set firmly. "Long after you made me apologize about my affair with Kara and promise to be faithful to you."_

_"Well apparently she doesn't know the meaning of the word 'faithful'," Kara explained, eyes twinkling slightly._

_"I'm sorry Lee, it just ... well it just _happened_, and I didn't mean ..." Dee said, words tumbling over one another in her eagerness to exonerate herself._

_"Shut up," Lee said through clenched teeth. "Just shut up. I don't want to hear anymore."_

_He turned back to Kara, a pleading look on his face. "Please reconsider?"_

_She backed away. "You know what? I don't even want to get involved here. I've got a life waiting for me down on the planet. You two just work out your own issues and leave me alone or everyone will find out what's been going on around here the past few months."_

_She pulled the hatch open and exited quickly._

_"Kara!" Lee shouted after her. "Kara, come back!"_

_She ignored him and moved as fast as she could. She had to get out of there quickly - before she broke down. There was a part of her that desperately wanted to take him up on his offer - marry him, have children with him, finally be his alone. But she knew in the part of her mind that made rational decisions that it could never work out and they'd both end up in heartbreak. _Would that be any worse than this?_ her subconscious asked, but she pushed those thoughts way._

_She'd made her decision._

**TBC**


	14. Chapter 14

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 14**

A/N: I edited this chapter to change the dates, as it was pointed out to me that I screwed up in calculating when Tessa would have been conceived. Duh! You'd think I'd know better, being pregnant myself and all! Thanks for the eye-opener. :)

**ooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee opened his closed eyes.

"Kara are you okay?" he asked quickly, seeing her shocked, pale face staring at him.

"I remember," she whispered. "I remember all of it." She buried her face in her hands, far too embarrassed to even look at him after what she'd done.

Lee walked over to her and put his arms around her but she flinched away from him.

"No, don't please," she choked out. "I don't know how you can even stand to be in the same room with me."

Lee could see the tears trickling down from beneath her hands.

"Kara, it's okay ..."

"No! It's not okay! How could I have done what I did to you? I cared for you so much, how could I have hurt you like that?"

Lee pulled her hands away from her face and held her wrists firmly.

"Kara, please," he pleaded. "Look at me."

She reluctantly lifted her red-rimmed eyes to his.

"I won't pretend what you did didn't hurt because it did. A lot." He smiled dryly. "But no matter what happens between us, my feelings for you never seem to change."

"Don't you hate me?" she whispered sadly. "I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"There have been times I wished I could ... like that one, but I don't seem to be able to."

He shook his head to dispel the tears that were beginning to form.

"When you walked out of my life that day I swore to myself I would never speak to you again. That we were through. Finished. Forever. I think I even managed to fool myself into thinking it was true. I immersed myself in work, and in trying to work things out with Ana - she was all I had left. But then the cylons came back and I couldn't stop thinking about you down on the planet."

He blinked back the tears.

"I know then that it _wasn't _over. That it would _never_ be over because you're in my heart; locked in deep and I can't get rid of you even when I try. They told me you'd been captured and tortured." Lee's hand instinctively came up to cover his heart. "Gods Kara, I thought I was going to die," he said brokenly, the tears finally breaking through. "We searched and searched for you, but there was no sign ... we thought you were dead," he whispered.

Her tears matched his.

"I knew if we ever found you I wasn't going to waste time trying to deny how I feel anymore. I love you Kara and I want to be with you - no matter what it takes."

"What about _her_?" Kara asked in a whisper, a big lump in her throat.

"She doesn't matter," he said, as though swatting away a fly.

"But ..." she protested.

"No." Lee held up a hand to stop her. "I love you, I've always loved you. I just wish I would have been able to ... before it was too late. But it was too late. You moved on, so I had no choice. She wasn't you, but she was nice enough ... and she was there ..."

"But she cheated on you!"

Lee chuckled humourlessly. "I cheated on her too didn't I?"

"And I cheated on Sam," she said, almost awestruck, as if really thinking about it for the first time.

Lee nodded.

"What a frakked up bunch we are," Kara said, grinning slightly though there were tears in her eyes. "How could I have done that to him?"

Lee took a deep breath. "I'd like to think it was because you had feelings for me that you just couldn't deny, like I do for you, but maybe I'm just wishing here." He smiled ruefully. "You did say there was nothing between us once ..."

She coloured. "I was lying," she whispered. "It's always been you Lee, I was just afraid."

"Afraid of what? Me?"

"i could never be afraid of you. I know you would never hurt me," she said softly.

"What about the time I smacked you in the mouth?" Now it was Lee's turn to blush.

"It wasn't like I didn't hit you first," she reminded him with a smile, cheeks still wet as a few tears trickled down.

"Then what were you afraid of?" he asked curiously.

The tears began to fall faster. "I don't ... I can't explain it," she said.

Lee came over and took her in his arms and began to whisper comforting words. Her tears didn't last long, as expected, and she pulled away, instinctively knowing the kind of comfort he would offer wasn't where they should be going just then.

"Lee, there's something I still don't understand," she stated, confusion wrinkling her normally beautiful face.

"What's that?"

"If this all happened a year ago, wouldn't the baby be three or four months old?"

Lee nodded, eyes shadowed.

"_So where is our baby?"_ she demanded.

Lee looked into her eyes - wide and full of pain.

"I'm sorry Kara ..." he began.

Suddenly the memories came back to her.

_She lay in their bed sweating, stomach clenching in cramp after cramp, wondering what the hell was happening. She kept trying to tell herself that everything was okay - she just didn't know anything about pregnancy and maybe it was supposed to be more painful than she thought it would be._

_The cramps were worsening though, and the lie she was trying to convince herself of was beginning to wear thin. _

_She'd woken up feeling off, but had still headed off to the Chief's 'workshop' where she spent many hours every day tinkering with his machines with him. Despite the cool weather, she'd begun to sweat profusely and feel sick to her stomach. The Chief, having watched Cally go through a rough pregnancy, knew enough to send her home to rest, an order she followed meekly for once._

_As the hours had passed though, she'd felt worse and worse. A few times she'd toyed with the idea of sending someone to fetch Sam, but she didn't want to disturb him at work for what might be nothing._

_The tent flap pulled aside though, and there he was, his large frame filling the space._

_"Kara? You okay? The Chief sent me. He said you weren't feeling so good." He walked in, smiling, till he saw her wan face._

_"Kara, is something wrong?" he asked worriedly. "Is it the baby?"_

_She nodded wordlessly._

_He pulled back the blanket and began to stroke her tummy but she pulled away from him and curled up into a ball. It hurt marginally less that way._

_Another cramp gripped her and she whimpered in pain._

_"What can I do?" he asked, sitting on the bed beside her. "Shall I get Cottle?"_

_She didn't answer._

_He stood up. "I'll be right back ... no wait, I can't leave you." He wavered between leaving and staying, knowing she needed both. After a minute he walked decisively to the tent flap and stepped out for a moment, calling to one of his buddies and asking him to get the doc pronto. Then he came back and sat beside her, laying a gentle hand on her damp back._

_"The doc will be here soon. Hang on sweetie." His face was the picture of worry._

_She cried out in pain as a rush of blood suddenly poured from her._

_"The baby! I'm losing the baby!" she shrieked as the realization dawned on her and she began to weep._

_The days passed and the weeks after her miscarriage, but she never seemed to recover fully. Sam did his best to comfort her but it wasn't enough. He didn't know, couldn't know, that while she was grieving the loss of the baby, inwardly she was also mourning the loss of the one thing that kept her connected to Lee; the small piece of him that would always be hers despite the fact that they could never be together again. Now she'd lost that too, and it was over. _ Completely_ over. There was nothing more of 'them' than memories of something that could never be regained._

_As the months had passed, she recovered physically and mentally as well, but something was missing. The spark - the part of her that was Starbuck to Lee's Apollo was gone. Now she was Kara,_ just _Kara; a woman struggling to find happiness in a life that continually dealt her near-fatal blows, be they physical or emotional. _

_She knew, after everything that had happened, that she would never be the same again. _Never

By the end of her story, she was curled up almost in a fetal position again, only sitting on the mattress of the emergency bed. Tears were streaming down her face and Lee's as well.

"I never knew," he said helplessly, pain like jagged spikes in his eyes. "I never knew how you felt. I heard from the pilot's gossip that you'd miscarried - news like that travels quickly - but I thought it was for the best. I knew you were never keen on the idea of having children, after all the things you'd hinted about your childhood, and I thought it was best for me and Ana as well. I convinced her that the past was best forgotten - all of it, and we decided to start again and never talk about everything that had happened between the four of us."

He stopped and drew in a shuddering breath.

"I felt dead inside though, like I was just going through the motions of living. I wasn't really caring about anything. All I'd loved was gone, and though I did have a life, it wasn't the one I wanted. I didn't realize till after you lost the baby just how much I wanted it, and you. I was so angry when you left and told me I could never even acknowledge my child, let alone be it's father, but once it was gone I let go of the anger and it hurt Kara. It hurt so frakking much! I wanted you and our child. I wanted us to be a family. I wanted to love you both for the rest of my life, but I'd lost you and there was nothing I could do."

His voice broke as the tears spilled free like a great waterfall. He pulled her back into his arms and held her tightly as they both cried for their loss together. Each had been unable to grieve properly and all the bottled up emotions broke free as they finally allowed themselves to feel their sadness and despair at both the loss of the life they'd created together, and at the loss of the closeness they'd once shared.

In time their tears waned, and they were left just holding one another as they'd done so many times before. This time was different though. Now their demons had been purged and it was time for new beginnings.

"Lee?" she said slowly, as a thought dawned on her.

"Hmm?" he murmured into her hair.

"If Tessa is my daughter, though the cylons took her from me before she was born, _who is her father?"_

Lee pulled back slightly to look directly at her. "Well, how old is she?"

"Doc says she's eighteen months."

"So, count back two years and a bit and maybe we can figure out what was going on then," he suggested, mind already working.

"If a year ago was ... then back another year... two, no three months ... before Caprica, because that's where ..." She stopped, face suddenly draining of colour.

Lee turned shocked eyes on her as it hit him as well.

"Colonial night," they both said in unison.

"Holy frak," Kara whispered.

"Baltar is Tessa's father," Lee said, feeling a little dizzy as the implication sank in. She could have been _his_ - Kara had flirted with him and made it clear_ he_ was the one she wanted to take to bed with her, but Lee had run, afraid of giving in to his feelings._Shit! If only I had, she would be my daughter not his, _he thought, pain stabbing his heart. He'd known he'd frakked up that night, especially after what had happened the next day, but he hadn't realized then that the repercussions of his screw up would still be haunting them.

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 15

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 15**

**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"Oh gods, I think I'm going to be sick," Kara said, covering her mouth as all colour drained from her face.

"Really? Is there anything I can ... ?" Lee scrambled frantically, wondering what to do.

"Nah, I'll be okay. It's just the thought that that slime ball ..."

" ... ever laid a hand on you!" Lee interrupted, venom in his tone that Kara had never heard before, even when he'd berated her after first finding out about 'them.' She coloured again as the memories swept back.

"I ... I'm sorry Lee, I should never have ..."

"No,_ I'm_ sorry," he broke in, eyes meeting hers directly as he took her hands in his. They trembled and it hit him like a cylon missile - she was afraid of him. Not surprising, given his response after he'd first found out about 'them'.

"I should never have let that weasel dance with you. I should never have let you out of my arms that night. It's all my fault for running away scared. You wanted to push our relationship further but I ... I ..."

"What?" she prompted softly, eyes inquisitive.

"I was afraid."

"Afraid? Of what? That I'd hurt you? Okay, granted I _can_ be a bit tough at times and a little domineering, but you're more than a match for me ..."

He shook his head and she stopped.

"It's not that." A small smile played around his lips. "I think we've since proven we're equals, in many ways, it's just ..." He paused briefly. "I was afraid of my feelings for you."

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"I've never felt so strongly about anyone before. I didn't know if it was love, lust, or something altogether different, but the intensity of it frightened me. I couldn't stop thinking about you even when we weren't together, and when we were, I had to restrain myself from tackling you to the deck and having my way with you."

He gulped - no mean feat over the growing lump in his throat. "Every time we were together I felt like I was losing control of myself ... and I've always been the kind of person who prides himself on keeping control and not letting emotions dictate actions. But with you ... I just couldn't help myself."

"Maybe it's time you tried letting go," she whispered. "Going on instinct isn't as bad as you think you know." She smiled weakly.

"I did," he said, somewhat vacantly, a lost expression on his face. "And look what happened ... you and I cheated on our partners and you got pregnant. I nearly lost Ana, and she was all I had after you moved away and left me. I got exactly five days of pure bliss with the woman I'd wanted more than anything in the universe, but then I lost it all ...you, my child, Ana, my self-respect ... my will to live ... Frankly Kara, I'm not really sure risking everything for a little enjoyment is worth the pain it causes.''

"So what you're saying is I'm just 'a little enjoyment'? A passing fancy?" Her eyes were dark hazel - almost brown as they filled with tears.

"Frak Kara, don't misunderstand me on purpose," he shot back, a trifle angrily. "I told you, my feelings for you are so strong they overwhelm me - even now, though we've been apart for months and been committed to other people. Even after what you did with the baby ... If I could marry you and live happily ever after dammit, I would, but happily ever after doesn't seem to be possible for us. Whenever things are going well, one of us screws it up and we both end up hurting."

"You mean_ I _screw it up," she said meekly.

"No, I've done my fair share of that too, especially on Colonial Night." His gaze softened. "Gods, you were so beautiful that night ... and you dressed like that for me didn't you? Because I'd been teasing you about the way you looked."

"And because I wanted to show you I could be a woman too, not just a jock viper pilot like the other guys."

Two red spots appeared on his cheeks. "I've never thought that. I've always been one hundred percent aware of the fact that you're a woman."

She looked him directly in the eye. "You rarely show it."

He took a deep breath then exhaled slowly before continuing. "It's_ because _of the fact that I'm so attracted to you as a woman that I've had to work so hard at pretending you're not. That you don't mean anything more to me than any of the other guys."

A shadow of sadness crossed her eyes.

"But you _do_," he continued softly. "The more I tried to deny how I felt about you, the stronger my feelings became. Until I just couldn't control them anymore. So I invited you back here. I needed to see you again. To be with you, near you ... to touch you."

"And you did," she whispered sadly. "We loved, we made a baby and it died. What does that say about us and our relationship?"

"It doesn't say anything Kara. It was an accident of nature. Miscarriages happen to a lot of women. And after what happened to you on Caprica, I'm surprised you were even able to conceive."

She looked at him curiously. "How do you know what happened? Did I tell you?"

He shook his head. "Caprica was something you would never share with me ... either what the cylons did to you or what happened with Sam. But I saw the scars ..."

Her hand instinctively flew down to her lower abdomen and caressed it involuntarily as her cheeks reddened.

"What happened between me and Sam? I remember a little, but it's hazy."

Lee bit his lip, about to tell her they should discuss that another time when suddenly she paled and cried out in pain, hands grabbing her temples.

"Kara, are you okay?" he asked quickly, heart beginning to pound wildly.

She shook her head slowly. "Make it stop," she begged weakly, voice barely a whisper. "Make the pain stop, please!"

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Cottle gave a low whistle as the computer beeped a positive result - they had a DNA match for Tessa; Gaius Baltar.

"Well frak me," he muttered under his breath so none of his staff would hear and become curious. "Of all people ... our resident insane genius. I wonder if she went along with it willingly ... or how much ambrosia he had to ply her with till she was blind-drunk enough to forget who he was." The thought never occurred to him that she might have chosen him. Starbuck was ... Starbuck after all, and there were many, many more eligible men on Galactica alone who'd have been more than willing to see if she was as arrogant and domineering _in_ bed as she was out of it. He would have figured Baltar the weasel would have been one of the last on the list.

"Well, I'll check the brain scan first then we'll have a little talk," he said to himself, beginning to grin at the thought of confronting Kara with her indiscretion. She was particularly vulnerable now, it was true, but she'd been the worst patient in the history of his practice and had probably shaved several years off his life in frustration, so he was looking forward to a little retribution.

His musings were interrupted though by a sharp cry; Apollo's voice.

"Doc!"

There was an urgency to it he'd never before heard in the young man's voice, so he took off at a run.

The doctor only took a few moments but in that short time Kara had worsened immeasurably. Had she been anyone else, she'd have been screaming in pain, but as she wasn't, she was simply moaning and biting her lip to hold the sounds in as she pressed her hands against her head. Blood began to trickle down her chin; dark crimson in contrast to her rapidly paling skin.

Cottle took one look at her and his face set gravely.

"Help me get her to the scanner," he barked out and Lee wasted no time in complying with his order. He picked Kara up and for a brief second marveled at how light she was - normally she was a very curvaceous, well-muscled woman, but now she was think and bony. he swore a silent oath to himself that if he ever face those responsible for doing this to her he'd shoot first and ask questions of the puddle of goo later.

The doc shooed him to one side while he attempted to get her under the scanner. She was writing and moaning, begging Lee to do anything he could to stop the pain. He stood, literally shaking, feeling more inadequate than he ever had before, and that was really saying something given the way he'd felt about himself for many years, the previous few having been the worst.

"Do something!" he pleaded, voice shaking with unshed tears.

Cottle sliced him in two with a glare that could have cut steel and Lee knew he'd overstepped his bounds. The look said 'I don't tell you how to do your job, so don't think you can tell me how to do mine, frakhead!' and while Lee coloured slightly, he knew he'd deserved it.

"Please ... she's hurting so much," he whispered, barely audible over Kara's moans and whimpers.

Cottle motioned to one of the nurses hovering nearby. "Fifteen cc's morphine," he said brusquely, and within two minutes Kara was out like a light.

"Will she be okay?" Lee asked tentatively, pushing the hair out of her face as the doc moved the scanner over her head.

He looked up sharply, an acidic reply on his tongue but when he saw Lee's pale, drawn, anxious face he relented.

"I don't know son. I really don't know."

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee paced outside Lifestation, having been banished while Cottle did his scans, worrying himself into a frenzy. _I shouldn't have told her the truth. She's too fragile - she wasn't ready to hear everything, and now it's causing her pain. I frakked up with her ... as usual. Why is it Kara always makes me lose control of myself and screw up? What is it about her that makes me crazy?_

He paced and talked to himself for what seemed like forever till he was surprised by his father and Tessa arriving on the scene.

"Dad," he said suddenly, eyes widening. "What are you doing here?"

"The Doc called me."

_Frak. Frak, frak, frak, frak ... it must be serious._ "What did he say?" Lee whispered, working to keep control of his emotions which were bubbling far too close to the surface for his liking.

" Lee. Lee," Tessa said, a smiled a typically 'Kara' smile at him.

Lee reached out his arms and took the little girl from his father. She came willingly and snuggled into his neck.

"Hey, you've figured out how to say my name properly," he murmured to her, resting his chin on her hair and feeling a disturbing familiarity. It felt so much like when he did the same thing with Kara ...

She pulled back and smirked at him. "Lee."

"Tessa," he replied. Her grin widened. "Yep, you're definitely your mother's girl," Lee chuckled. Then he looked over at his father and became serious again.

"She's not doing well," Adama said. "The doc wants to see us now."

Lee nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and followed his father into Lifestation, clutching Tessa close to him, almost like a security blanket, as if by holding her he could dampen the blow he knew was coming.

"Gentlemen," Cottle said gruffly.

"Let's get to the point here Doc," Adama said, all business as usual.

"I'm going to have to operate."

Lee's jaw dropped open. "But why?"

"See this?" Cottle pointed at the screen. Both men nodded. "The cylon implants are spreading - taking over her brain and killing everything in their path. I've been monitoring her since you brought her back and the damage is increasing exponentially. If I don't do something now it may well be too late."

"Oh gods," Lee murmured, burying his face in Tessa's hair again so the others wouldn't see the tears forming in his eyes.

His father sensed it, even if he hadn't seen them, and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Lee took several deep breaths and then lifted his head up. "Can I stay with her while you operate?"

Cottle cocked an eyebrow at him. "You seem to have your hands full already," he said, the usual sarcastic tone coming back to his voice.

"I ... I can ..." Lee stammered, trying to think of what he could do with Tessa.

"You can't be in the operating room anyway so you might as well keep yourself occupied. I'll let you know when it's over."

"I'll keep an eye on her," Adama said, meeting Lee's eyes and seeing gratitude there. "You know I'd never let anything happen to our girl."

Lee nodded, hugging Tessa even tighter.

"Now shoo, both of you. I have to get my patient prepped. I promise you two will be the first to know when the surgery is done."

Adama and Lee walked out together and stopped, almost as though they were on the same wavelength, just outside Lifestation.

"You'll take care of her for me?" Lee whispered.

"You know I will. She's like my own daughter," Adama said, the pain visible on his face for once.

"I love her. Make sure she knows that," Lee mouthed, barely a sound coming out.

"She knows son. She knows."

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 16**

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

A smack to the face brought him back to reality. He smiled weakly back at Tessa, who'd been swinging his dogtags around and had purposefully hit him in the face to get his attention.

"Sorry sweetheart," he said contritely, dragging his eyes back to meet hers. His heart ached just looking at her - she looked so like Kara.

"Lee," she said, smiling proudly at her ability to speak the word properly.

"That's me," he pointed at his chest. "And you're Tessa." He pointed his finger at her chest, barely touching her, and she broke out into gales of laughter. Obviously she and Kara had something else in common - they were both very ticklish.

He sat in their quarters, trying to play with her but his mind was far off in the operating room with Kara, and he was having difficulty concentrating. Tessa noticed and began to get frustrated when he didn't respond to her.

"Ma-ma? Ma-ma?" She didn't have many words - not surprising in a child her age, but she never failed to make herself understood. _Just like her mother,_ Lee thought with a smirk. _ At least she's not a shifty liar like her father._ It was obvious by the expression on her very mobile face and by the inquisitive tone in which she uttered the two syllables that it was most definitely a question.

"Your mommy is busy with the doctor right now," he said, gathering her into his arms and standing up. "How 'bout we go for a little walk?"

She nodded happily and they left quarters, Lee wracking his brain as they walked to think of something interesting to do to keep her occupied. Much as he was beginning to love Tessa, he'd never really had a lot to do with small children and didn't really have a clue what might entertain her.

It wasn't till nearly five minutes later that he realized he was heading for the hangar bay, unconsciously going to a place where_ she_ would feel comfort in difficult times.

Tessa squealed with delight as they entered the huge area full of ships and equipment, less busy during the evening shift than it would usually have been. She was mesmerized by the great metal birds but it wasn't till they came to the end where the vipers were waiting for launch that her eyes opened wide as saucers and she smiled from ear to ear.

"Mine," she said slowly as she pointed at Lee's viper. She nodded and turned to face him again. "Mine," she said confidently.

He smiled in spite of his heavy heart. "Actually _that _one is mine, but if you'd like you can sit in it and take a look."

Her face was radiant with happiness.

He smiled and hefted her to one hip as he pushed the staircase up beside his ship.

"Stay here," he said as he put her down at the foot of the stairs, reaching underneath to secure them. Almost before he turned around she was up the steps and in the cockpit, her wide grin splitting her face in two again.

"Definitely your mother's girl," he muttered as he followed her up. "Loves her ships and doesn't follow orders."

For an answer she grinned even wider, as though she understood every word.

"_That's_ just like Kara too - insubordinate and proud of it."

He reached his arms in with her and began to explain the controls, showing her what they did as he spoke.

"On?" she asked hopefully, a sparkle in her blue eyes.

"Sorry girl, you've got to be a _lot_ older before you can fly one of these things, but I suspect that's exactly what you'll end up doing." He was so engrossed in talking he didn't notice footsteps behind him till a caustic voice cut into the lightness of the moment.

"How very sweet and domestic of you Lee," Dee said, arms akimbo as she stood at the bottom of the stairs.

Lee's face hardened as he turned to look at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were playing daddy."

"Yeah, and I wonder where the rumours of my actually _being_ her daddy came from," he said spitefully.

Anger flashed in her green eyes. "Considering you slept with her, it's entirely possible isn't it?" she shot back.

He threw her a warning look. "No one knows about that but us, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Does _she_ know?"

"I told her the truth."

"And I suppose she apologized for what she'd done and asked to start over," Dee said sarcastically. "Just forget about everything and be friends again."

He glared at her but didn't answer.

Tyrol, working not far away, heard the tense voices and the undercurrent of anger neither was hiding very well. He sighed, quit what he was doing and walked over to them.

"Hey, there's a tour of the hangar bay, including an inside view of a raptor, starting in just a few minutes. Any takers?"

Dee looked totally bewildered at his odd behaviour but Lee caught on quickly after a brief look at the Chief's face.

"I'm sure there's a little girl here who'd love it," he answered, picking Tessa up out of the cockpit and carrying her down the stairs. "How about it Tessa? Would you like to see some more ships?"

She nodded and willingly allowed herself to be transferred to the Chief's arms as though she'd known him all her life.

"I've got to get back to what I was doing in about fifteen minutes," Tyrol said, eyes darting between the pair of them. "Work it out."

Lee took Dee's arm, rather roughly, and led her to a mostly unused storage room off the starboard end of the bay. After the hatch shut behind them, they stood facing one another in silence for a few moments.

Dee broke it first.

"Are you in love with her?"

**ooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Adama paced.

He'd tried to go back to CIC but somehow every time he turned the corner to the stairway his legs kept turning him around involuntarily and heading him back towards Lifestation. He'd walked miles already in the hour and a half since the surgery began but he just couldn't seem to stay still.

He was worried - more worried than he'd ever let on to anyone else, especially Lee. Kara was the one thing that bound them together - had been every since she'd come back aboard. They both loved her dearly, each in his own way, and though her departure had hurt them both, they'd stayed reasonably close to each other, both hoping she'd change her mind and come back. _ Ironic turn of phrase_ _that,_ he thought. _Change her mind - that's exactly what the cylons did and now we're faced with the possibility that though we have someone who _looks_ like Kara Thrace back with us again, she may be a completely different person._

Years of practice holding a poker face was the only thing that kept the tears from falling. He blinked repeatedly though and took off his glasses, tears blurring his already not-good vision as he walked. Having lived and breathed his ship for over ten years though, he knew it intimately and could have found his way around blind.

He soon found himself back at Lifestation. Again. This time he decided to stay, and sat heavily in one of the waiting area chairs.

The nurse at the desk gave him a sympathetic glance. "She's still in surgery," she said softly.

"I know," Adama said gruffly, clearing his throat so his voice didn't quaver.

"I don't know how long it will be," she continued.

"That's fine. I'll wait." He met her sad gaze. "They know where to find me if they need me," he added.

She nodded and sat back down at her desk, immersing herself in paperwork to avoid the Admiral's steady gaze.

He sighed. It was going to be a long night.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"Are you in love with her?"

Lee didn't answer. But then again, he didn't have to - they both knew the answer already. Had done for a long time.

She folded her hands over her chest, hurt green eyes regarding him accusingly.

"They why did you do it? Why get back together with me and try to work it out if you still love her?"

"Do I really have to answer that?" Lee's tone was weary, not angry, like he'd been fighting a battle for a long, long time and had run out of steam.

Her assault continued, every barb weakening the shield he'd held around himself, particularly his heart for months.

"How can you possibly love her after what she did to you?" she demanded. "You can't tell me it didn't hurt."

"Of course it hurt!" he blazed, anger erupting forth suddenly.

"Then why?" she shouted angrily.

"How can I explain what I feel for her? She's hurt me in every way possible, yet I just can't seem to help myself!"

She shrank back just a little at his unexpected outburst. For the last few months he'd been so easygoing and ... she searched for the right word. _ Dull_, her subconscious filled in. He may have been the son of the Admiral, Commander of his own ship and devastatingly handsome, but ever since their courtship began again she had to admit she'd found him rather dull and lifeless._ Unless he's with her ... or thinking about her. Starbuck is the only one who brings out the passion in him, be it good or bad._

Dee had felt, almost right from the start, that she'd been his second choice. She'd heard the rumours, seen them together but had never quite believed it. Their relationship was far too tempestuous to be love. She'd hinted shyly at it when they'd first started dating,_ frakking you mean_, her subconscious snuck in_, all we ever did was go to Cloud Nine and have sex - there really wasn't more to it than that in the beginning,_ but Lee had assured her there was 'nothing between them.' She'd believed it, mainly because she'd wanted to believe it. How flattering it was to have Lee Adama, the most sought after man on both battlestars wanting her, a no-one comms officer! It had boosted her ego to know that someone so handsome, smart, talented and heroic chose her of all the available women.

It hadn't taken long though, for her to figure out that he wasn't the same man on the outside as he was on the inside. Things had changed almost immediately after Starbuck and her pyramid player boyfriend had moved to the planet.

_They sat at a table together - their usual table in the lounge, sipping cocktails, watching the other patrons dancing. There was one pair that her eyes kept coming back to - a man and a woman she'd never seen there before. They danced, yet never broke eye contact. His eyes were always drifting down her face to her lips, and Dee could see the desire he barely held in check. Hers, when they spun around, were starry and liquid, never leaving his for a second. Their arms barely touched skin as they held each other but Dee could feel the intense, burning heat between them, even from halfway across the room. _

_Her thighs began to ache and she felt a warm pounding begin inside. She closed her eyes for a brief second, imagining what it would feel like to have that kind of intense passion overwhelming her. It was why she'd left Billy for Lee. Billy had been sweet and kind, but though the physical part of their relationship had been adequate, it hadn't thrilled her in a romance-novel kind of way, the way she'd always dreamed love would. Lee Adama was much more the sort of man she'd dreamed of - wildly handsome, muscular, virile, and possessing a passionate temper that everyone on Galactica had seen on a few occasions. He was much more her 'romance-novel' hero type and the first few weeks they'd been together had been everything she'd dreamed of. He'd showered her with affection, couldn't get enough of her in bed, and had promised to stay faithful to her even though he'd been transferred away permanently._

_Then Starbuck had returned with her 'boy-toy' from Caprica and Lee had gone cold. Almost instantly._

_She opened her eyes, wishing she still felt that unmistakable rise in passion when she looked at him, but she didn't. Not anymore. He didn't either apparently as his eyes held only a weak smile as he turned to face her, not the wildly smoldering passion she'd wished for._

_"Ana," he began quietly, using the nickname she'd encouraged. She'd hated it as a child, but Dee was something coined by the crew on Galactica and she'd wanted _him_ to be special. "Can we try again? I mean, forget about everything that happened and start over?"_

_She looked at him, pain in her eyes. "How can we start over and forget about everything after what you did to me?"_

_"Was it any different than what you did to me?" he asked, turning the tables on her._

_She flushed. "That was different. It just ... happened. It wasn't like there was anything there ... we just got carried away one day ..."_

_"Just because you didn't have feelings for him doesn't make it any better."_

_"But you were lying to me. You told me there was nothing between you and Starbuck but you lied. I never expected to find you with her."_

_Lee flushed as well. "It's over now. I had feelings for her once but not anymore. She's made her choice ... and it isn't me. It's time for me to forget her and move on."_

_Dee searched his eyes for a moment before speaking. "Are you _sure_ this is what you want?"_

_"Yes," he answered without hesitation, eyes devoid of emotion. "This is what I want."_

"So what are you going to do?" she demanded.

Lee bit his lower lip as his eyes scanned the room, looking at anything but hers. "I don't know. I really don't know."

"What if ... what if she's not the same after the surgery?"

"How do you know about that?" Lee asked, brows furrowing.

"Come on Lee, the whole ship knows. You can't keep things secret around here, you of all people should know that," she said deprecatingly.

He flushed deeply.

"So, what if she isn't Starbuck anymore? Will you still love her then?"

Lee didn't answer. Wasn't exactly sure what to say. _Would_ he still love her if she was someone completely different than the woman he'd fallen in love with?

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 17**

Thank you to Laurie31 for helping me with the medical details - you're a gem!

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

Adama wasn't aware of having drifted off to sleep but a subtle sound nearby caused his eyes to open suddenly to find Cottle sitting in the chair beside him. He straightened, clearing his throat, and rubbed a hand over his bleary eyes in an attempt to focus them.

"Guess I took forty winks there," he said gruffly to hide his embarrassment. "What time is it?"

Cottle answered without so much as glancing at the clock, a weary tone to his voice. "0:300"

Adama's eyes opened wider.

Cottle nodded. "Took a lot longer than I anticipated but then again brain surgery isn't exactly my specialty."

Adama turned his head to fully face the other man. "How is she?" he asked, but the look in Cottle's eyes told him the whole story before a word had even been uttered.

"Not good."

Adama paled and grabbed the arm of his chair for support.

"She'll live ... her condition is weak but stable, but the damage that frakking implant did to her was just ..." He trailed off, unwilling or perhaps unable to continue. As much as Kara pissed him off most of the time, Adama knew he had a soft spot for her, as did most of the crew.

"Give it to me straight doc," Adama said gravely, voice soft.

Cottle gave him a sympathetic look before continuing. "Physically, she'll recover. She's tough, none more so."

"And mentally?"

Cottle took a deep breath, then sighed. "That implant was insidious. It had reached into several areas of the brain, but it's main purpose seemed to be the hippocampus."

Adama arched an eyebrow at him, encouraging him to explain.

"The centre of the brain where the short-term memory is stored."

"So ... they were trying to erase her memory?" Adama said, trying to put the pieces together and find a logical conclusion.

"They'd already used chemicals on her to suppress her memory, but yes, I'd guess this was a more long-term option to make sure her memory was erased permanently."

"How much damage did it do?" His voice was nearly a whisper.

Cottle, as always, was simple and direct. "A lot. The tendrils from that implant had almost completely fused to much of her brain tissue and I had to remove a fair amount of it in order to purge the technology."

"So what does this mean for her? Will she remember anything?"

"Basic functionality? Yes. Those functions are stored elsewhere in the brain. Everything else ..." He shrugged. "I'm not sure how much she'll remember, if anything."

Adama paused and took a shaky breath, pressing his lips together as if holding back tears. "So what you're telling me is that her memory might be completely gone?"

"What I'm telling you is that she will have all the basic human skills - how to eat, dress herself, use the washroom, communicate ... but though she looks like Starbuck, there's a good chance everything save her earliest memories is gone and Starbuck is no more. She likely won't remember who you, or any of us are."

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

"I came as soon as I got the message." Lee was panting, evidence he'd run all the way to Lifestation.

"Where's the girl?" his father asked tersely.

"She's sleeping. Cally's watching her."

"Good."

Lee and his father looked at each other, eyes locked, without speaking.

"It's bad news isn't it?" Lee asked quietly, already feeling the lump in his throat growing.

"She's alive and she'll recover," he began.

"But ..."

"But much of her memory may be permanently missing if not all of it."

Lee paled and he clamped his jaws shut tightly, in an attempt to stop his bottom lip from quivering.

"She may remember snippets ... bits and pieces here and there," Cottle said, walking over to join the discussion, "but with no context to put them in ... none of it will make sense to her." He puffed on his cigarette.

Lee glanced between the two older men. "Can I see her?" he whispered, afraid his voice would crack if he spoke any louder.

"Of course. She'll likely sleep a while yet, and when she wakes up she'll feel like hell so don't expect a warm welcome." Cottle took another long drag. "Not to mention there's a good chance she won't have a clue who you are."

**ooooooooooooooooooooo**

He'd steeled himself for the mental changes in her but he hadn't been prepared for the sight of her, post-surgery.

She was pale, much paler than normal, and her head was wrapped in gauze bandages, only a few bloody tufts of golden hair sticking out the sides.

He put a hand to his mouth and stepped back involuntarily. "Oh gods... Kara," he whispered, the tears forming hot pools in his eyes. His heart clenched painfully at the thought that she wouldn't remember him - more painful now that it would ever have been before, now that they'd drawn much closer to each other.

He moved next to her and pulled the chair by the bed close enough that he could sit and hold her hand while he waited for her to wake. It was cold and clammy and only the constant beeping of the monitors and the gentle rise and fall of her chest told him she was still alive. She'd been injured, hurt before, but never so lifeless as she was now.

"Kara, please come back to me," he pleaded almost silently, not wanting any passing medical staff to hear him. His heart ached painfully - he wasn't sure he could go on, not now that he'd bared his soul and finally admitted to himself that he'd been in love with her all along.

_Tessa! _ All of a sudden the focus shifted - how was Tessa going to survive without her mother? The poor girl had lived the first year and a half with the cylons and then finally found her mother - how painful would it be for her to lose Kara now?

The tears finally slid down his cheeks - the sense of loss they would all feel without her was overwhelming._ But there's still her father ... _he's _alive and well. If Kara can't take care of her, she should go live with Baltar ..._

"Not one frakking chance in hell!" he murmured to himself angrily, tears still falling. "I'd sooner die than see that slimy weasel ever touch her ..."

He stopped suddenly as the sound of approaching footsteps drew close.

"Major," Cottle rasped in his very distinct gravely voice.

Lee turned to face him, wiping fiercely at his eyes. "Yes doc?"

Cottle pulled up a chair, sat, and took a long drag from his cigarette before speaking.

"I have something I need to talk to you about in confidence."

"Okay," Lee said slowly, wondering what was up, and feeling cold dread flourish at the pit of his stomach at the possibilities.

"There's a very good chance Captain Thrace won't remember her daughter. She may not even want to have anything to do with her ... especially given that her personal history says she didn't have a good relationship with her mother."

"I know," Lee said shortly.

"I'm going to need to find someone as a temporary and perhaps permanent guardian for the girl if Starbuck doesn't want her."

Lee's breath hitched as his stomach suddenly flew up into his throat.

"Normally the biological father would be the logical choice ..."

"No," Lee whispered, unable to stop himself from responding.

Cottle frowned at him. "You know who the father is?"

Lee nodded. "Do _you_?"

Cottle gave him a look that said more than words ever could have. "So you understand why I'm having a problem with that idea."

Lee nodded again. "And rightly so. There was never a relationship there, it was just a ... one-time thing." He felt the bile rise in his throat at the thought. "He doesn't even know he's the girl's father."

"I should tell him ... biologically the child is his and he deserves to know."

"Kara only just figured it out," Lee said defensively. "It's not like she's been hiding it from him."

"I know. It's just ... the only justification I would have for not telling him right away is if someone else is willing to step up and take responsibility for her, as Captain Thrace isn't able to."

"I will," Lee said without hesitation.

"I figured. That's why I brought it up. The two of you seem to have bonded quite well already, and she trusts you, which is definitely an improvement over what her relationship with Baltar would be. You _do _understand though that he has a right to know."

Lee took a deep breath. "Can we not say anything just yet?" Rumours are I'm her father so why don't we just keep quiet and pretend that's the truth?"

Cottle's lips pressed together disapprovingly as he stared at Lee. But the younger man's earnestness won him over.

"For now we'll say nothing. I'll get you to fill out the necessary forms and she's yours, until Starbuck is either willing to take her or we deem it necessary to make the decision for her."

Lee shuddered. He desperately hoped it would never come to that.

"Thanks doc," he said, relief flooding his voice.

"I'l be back with the forms," Cottle said, nodding in lieu of a 'your welcome'.

Lee took Kara's hand in his two again and squeezed it, hoping to transfer the warmth and love he felt to her so that she wouldn't seem so cold and distant.

"Maybe we can make this work after all," he whispered gently to her unresponsive body. "I'll take care of Tessa till you're better and then we can all live together - the three of us as a family." The thought made him feel warm inside. But knowing the way _their_ luck worked it wouldn't be that easy.

"I need your signature here and here," Cottle said, thrusting several papers down at him and proferring a pen.

Lee complied, not bothering to read them.

"So what do you think your father's going to say about this?"

Lee stopped and blinked a few times. he hadn't thought about that. What _was_ his father going to think? He really didn't know, but the one thing he was sure of was that his father was definitely going to have words to say on the subject. Lots of them.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"What is this all about?"

The anger was apparent in Adama's voice even before Lee turned to see his father's face. Well too bad - he'd made his decision and his father didn't factor into it.

"Exactly what it says," he replied coolly.

"You can't possibly be serious."

Lee said nothing.

They stared at each other for a full minute before words were spoken again.

"I can't allow this."

Lee's eyes narrowed. "It's too late - it's already done. and besides, I don't see where it's any of your business."

_"Everything_ that happens on my ship is my business."

"Kara isn't capable of caring for Tessa. _Someone_ has to."

"You have responsibilities - you can't just throw them aside to play house with the girl, no matter _how_ cute she is."

"I'm not playing!" Lee exploded angrily. "I love Kara and I would do anything to help her out."

"She's not your child, you've said that yourself. Why not let someone else - a civilian - take on the responsibility?"

"Because I wish she _was_ mine! I've come to a point in my life where I want to have a permanent relationship with someone. I want to have a family."

"And Kara is the person to do it with? Get a grip Lee, she won't _be_ Kara anymore. You won't be the 'happy family' you're dreaming of. She probably isn't even going to remember who you are."

"I don't care! I had a chance at a wife and family before and I blew it - I won't make that mistake again!"

The room was deadly silent except for the beeping of Kara's heart monitor. Lee's heart began to pound. He'd never told his father about Gianne - never told anyone save Zak, and he'd sworn his brother to secrecy.

"Are there any_ other_ secrets you want to let me in on besides your affair with Kara?"

Lee sighed. He always had a way of speaking before thinking. People always accused Kara of that particular fault but he too had it in spades.

"You remember my girlfriend Gianne?"

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 18**

**ooooooooooooooooo**

Adama's eyes narrowed. "The blonde?"

Lee nodded but paused before speaking.

"She was pregnant," Adama stated flatly.

Lee nodded again.

"The child was yours."

This time Lee's eyes dropped, unwilling to meet his father's. He knew what he'd see reflected there and wasn't ready for the emotional battering it would give him. He'd seen his father's coldly disapproving gaze too many times to count.

"You left her." Despite the low tone, Lee could feel the weight of the words. It was something he'd berated himself over many times since making the decision years earlier. Now there was no chance of ever making the situation right.

His gaze lifted to meet Adama's. "I wasn't ready to deal with being a father."

"I don't think you're ever ready, but that's no excuse to ignore your responsibilities."

Lee's cheeks flamed. "I was twenty-four years old dad. She wanted me to settle down with her and quit the Academy."

He paused a took a deep breath. "I just couldn't do it. I was only a few months from graduation, already accepted at War College ... I couldn't give up all my dreams to work in a factory or a civil service job in order to support a family."

"I'm not suggesting you should have," Adama said gently. "In fact I'm probably the last person who has the right to tell you you should have quit the military to raise a family," he added ruefully, taking off his glasses and wiping his eyes tiredly.

"You are."

Adama gave him a funny look.

"The last person to give that advice."

Adama had the grace to blush slightly. They stared at one another unflinchingly, feeling the barrier that had always been present between them strengthening.

He cleared his throat. "The fact is you were responsible for Gianne and the baby, and you shirked your ..."

"I know that!" Lee interrupted, exasperation in his voice. "I made a mistake, okay? When I told her I didn't want to quit the military to be with her she said she never wanted to see me again."

"And you believed her?"

Lee shrugged. "I didn't know a lot about women back then. I thought it was best for everyone if we went our separate ways." A wistful look came into his dark blue eyes. "I wish I could go back and change things but I can't."

"And now you feel like the gods are giving you a second chance," Adama said.

Lee nodded. "Yes. And I don't want to frak it up again. I love Kara and I want to be responsible for her and her child."

"Even though the child isn't yours?"

Lee could plainly see that his father thought him short a few marbles. "I can't turn back the clock and get my own child back, no matter how much I might want to. Kara has a daughter that she's going to need help raising and I'll be damned if I just sit back and watch her struggle through it when I could be helping her."

Adama stared at him, a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, as if he was trying to hold it in. He stood abruptly and put a hand on his son's shoulder.

"While I'm proud of the sentiment and hope you follow through with it this time, what are you going to do about Dee?"

Frak. He'd forgotten all about Dee. It was as if she didn't exist in his world anymore. What was he going to say to her?

"I don't know dad," he confessed. "I really don't know." He sighed heavily. While he loved Kara and having a chance with her was something he'd only dreamed about previously, he hated the idea of hurting Dee - she didn't deserve to be used and then thrown aside like trash, despite all the difficulties in their relationship.

"I'll figure it out once Kara wakes up. I need to be there for her." He stood and looked into his father's eyes - so much like his own. Understanding passed between them.

Adama nodded, removed his hand and walked away, silent as ever.

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

He watched the minutes ticking by, one by one, for hours as he sat by her bedside, waiting for her to wake. He knew he should go relieve Cally and spend some time with Tessa but he couldn't bring himself to leave, lest he miss her first waking. He wanted to know ... no_ needed_ to know if she would remember him. If what Cottle said was true she wouldn't remember much, if anything, but he just couldn't imagine her not remembering _him._ They'd been so close, through so much together ... both good and bad, that some of those memories _had_ to be strong enough to be burned in there permanently. Some of them were certainly things _he'd _never forget - losing her on that moon and having to presume she was dead; the way she'd looked that first Colonial Night on cloud Nine, radiant in her shimmering blue dress and diamond earrings; smacking her in the face and soul, driving her away from him into the arms of another man; making love to her night after night till she'd broken his heart and gone back to her husband ...

So many memories. So much pain. There had been good times, for sure, but they'd been outweighed heavily by the bad, and the times that had had the potential to be good but that one or both of them had frakked up. It really didn't matter though, whether the memories were good or bad - she was a part of his heart and soul the way no one else had ever been and there was no getting rid of her, now or ever.

He almost missed the first movements she made - fluttering fingers that barely moved and eyes that opened a mere slit.

"Where ... am I?" she croaked out through dry, cracked lips.

"Lifestation."

Her brow crinkled a fraction. "Where?"

It clicked in his mind - she didn't recognize the word 'Lifestation'.

"The hospital area of the ship."

"Mmm." Her expression settled back to calm. Evidently she'd understood. "Water?" she asked, looking longingly at the pitcher on the bedside table.

"I don't know if you're allowed yet. I'll check with the Doctor," he said softly, thumb stroking the back of her hand lovingly.

"Why can't I?"

"You just came out of surgery. I'm not sure how long you need to recover before you're allowed to eat and drink."

"Surgery?" She looked perplexed, and Lee had no idea whether it was because she didn't recognize the word 'surgery' or whether she was confused about what kind of surgery. Either way, he wasn't quite sure how to explain it adequately.

He leaned over and brushed his lips across her forehead in a light kiss. "Hold tight. I'll get the Doc and be back in a few minutes."

She nodded, an unfamiliar blank look on her face. _Probably just trying to figure things out,_ Lee thought, as his heart thumped worriedly.

Cottle looked up from his files as Lee approached. "She's awake?" he asked, forestalling Lee's comment.

He nodded.

"Good." He pushed back his chair and put out the stub of a cigarette that was dangling out of the side of his mouth, then led the way back to Kara's cubicle. Her brow furrowed at the sight of him, then cleared as she caught sight of Lee behind him.

He felt for her vitals and checked the heart monitor, grunting incoherently to himself as he did so.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked, finally looking her directly in the face.

She hesitated. "The Doctor?" she said slowly, obviously having no clue.

"Cottle's my name. Ring a bell?"

She shook her head.

"How 'bout this guy here?" he asked, gesturing at Lee, standing beside him.

A faint twinkle of recognition lit up her eyes. "The man who was here before?" she said, the statement almost sounding more like a question.

"That's right," Lee said softly, smiling at her. "Do you remember my name?"

She took a few moments, an intent look on her face as she wracked her brain for the missing fact. "No. Should I? Did we used to know each other?"

Cottle smirked. "You could say that ..." he muttered almost under his breath.

Lee threw him a dirty look.

"I'm Lee Adama," he said gently, turning back to smile at her.

"Lee Adama," she repeated slowly, as if savouring the words on her tongue. "Lee Adama ... no, I can't say I remember that name. Did we know each other well?"

Lee's ears began to burn. "We've been friends for a number of years. You um ... used to be engaged to my brother a long time ago."

"Really? Used to be? You mean we didn't get married? What happened?"

Lee turned red but before he had a chance to explain, Cottle began talking.

"I think perhaps it's best if we let the patient rest Major," he said gruffly. "She's only just woken up and needs to time to regroup before the third degree begins."

"Of course," Lee said stiffly. "Can I stay here though?" The look on Kara's face was priceless. It was plain to see that she both wanted him to stay and didn't know if she wanted him to stay.

"For a little while longer." He turned to Kara. "Is there anything you need?"

"Water would be nice," she answered, a trace of sarcasm in her voice. Both men smiled. It seemed Starbuck wasn't completely gone ...

"A small glass. If that stays down then a little more. You have to keep in mind you just had major surgery."

"Why? What kind of surgery?"

Cottle glanced at Lee quickly before answering. "Perhaps we'd best save that for later. It's a long story. But seeing as how you're awake and seem to be okay, I guess it must have been successful. Take it easy now and get some rest. We'll talk more in the morning."

As he turned to leave, Lee poured a small glass of water and raised Kara's bed to help her drink it. She was still very pale but there were small dots of pink in both of her cheeks now. It warmed his heart - at least she was alive and going to recover, even if her memory was missing. That they could deal with if they had to ... and hopefully it wasn't permanent.

She cleared her throat and swallowed some more water. "Can I ask you something?" she said quietly.

"Of course," he answered, putting the glass down and sitting on the side of the bed.

"Why do I get the feeling that you and I are more than just 'friends'?"

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 19**

**ooooooooooooooo**

Lee flushed bright red.

"Ah ..." He couldn't think of a single thing to say. No matter what answer he gave her there was a ton of explaining to do and he wasn't ready to go into the details of their stormy relationship and knew she certainly wasn't ready to be hearing them just yet. The Doc wanted things to be light and easy considering her condition.

He, like Cottle, hadn't counted on the fact that though her memory might be missing, her razor-sharp perception wasn't.

"I guess that gives me my answer," she whispered sadly at his lack of response.

Their eyes met and tangled.

"It's not what you think," he began, trying feverishly to think of an easy explanation to satisfy her for the moment.

"Yes it is. We were but we're not anymore," she said softly. "It seems plain to me. Why aren't we? What happened?"

Lee felt a tug at his heart. Her large green eyes looked so forlorn and heartbroken. _It's as though she knows we love each other somehow,_ he thought. He took her hand in his and stroked it gently.

"It's a very long story and one I can't tell you right now."

She looked pleadingly at him.

"No I can't. The Doc wants to save this till you're feeling stronger, but I promise we _will_ talk soon." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "I know it's going to bother you till then, but one thing I _can_ tell you and that you need to believe is that I love you. Never doubt that."

She nodded slightly, eyes still full of questions.

"Is there anything you need before I go?"

"Do you have to go?" Her words were barely a whisper.

"I have to take care of ..." He barely stopped himself before saying 'I have to take care of Tessa'. " ... of some things. I still have to work. At least _you_ get a vacation."

She cocked an eyebrow at him and gave a small smirk, Starbuck-style.

"What work is it that I'm taking a vacation from?"

"You're a viper pilot."

"A _what_? I fly airplanes?" Her eyes were wide with surprise.

"Nope. Spaceships." He grinned.

If anything, her eyes opened even wider, but along with surprise there was a sparkle of joy that Lee couldn't mistake even though he hadn't seen it in months. Inside he longed to take out two ships and just fly with her - no rules, no comms ... just the two of them in the inky blackness of space, the way it used to be. And hopefully would be again ...

He squeezed her hand. "I'll show you once you're able to be up and about." He lowered his voice. "You should get some rest now."

She gripped his hand feebly as he moved to pull it away. "Come back soon?" The words were definitely a plea.

"Count on it," he said warmly, smiling into her eyes to reassure her. "I'll be back in the morning."

She nodded at his back as he left and closed her eyes, the words 'Lee Adama loves me' ringing through her head.

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

As soon as Lee began to swing the hatch open, he realized Cally had not been having a good night. Tessa's wails were hidden behind the soundproof door but once he entered the room it was evident, even to him, that she'd been crying for some time.

"Lee!" The little girl shrieked as soon as she caught sight of him.

He crossed the room towards her and she practically leapt out of Cally's arms and into his. The crying stopped as if by magic, though her body still heaved with hiccups and sniffled as she brought herself under control.

"It's amazing what a parent's touch can do," Cally said wearily, patting Tessa's back.

"But I'm not ..."

"You might as well be, if you aren't," she interrupted.

Lee looked at her sharply.

"The rumour's all over the ship. Everyone thinks you're her father, given how close you and Starbuck are."

She paused but Lee didn't comment.

"So, do you know who her father is then?" she asked candidly.

"No," he lied. The information wasn't his to give, and as he'd said to Cottle, he'd rather people think Tessa was his daughter. No need to give out names that might leak.

Cally nodded knowingly.

"So, has she been up long?" he asked, trying to change the subject before being backed into a corner.

"A while," she answered evasively. "She woke up a while ago and didn't seem impressed that neither you nor Starbuck was here." She peeked at Tessa's face, red from crying but calm in slumber now.

"I'm sorry," Lee began contritely.

She waved it off. "It's okay. I understand how it is when you love someone."

Lee smiled. "Is it that obvious?"

"Crystal clear."

He shifted in embarrassment as his ears reddened. "Anyway, thanks for watching her. I'm sorry she was so much trouble."

"No more than my own usually is. It's been kind of a nice break to tell you the truth," she admitted with a smile.

"Well, go get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay, sir." She walked to the hatch and opened it slowly without making a sound. "Let me know if you need help again. I'd be happy to volunteer and if I'm on shift I'm sure Jenna could take her as well."

"Thanks, I appreciate that," he said, walking over to the bunk he'd made into a crib for Tessa and lowering her into it gently. She stirred as Cally closed the hatch.

"Lee," she said sleepily, tightening her hold on his neck.

"Let me guess, you want to sleep with me," he said, pulling her back into his arms. She snuggled up comfortably and mumbled something that sounded like 'mmnph'.

Lee sighed as he kicked off his boots and carefully shrugged out of his uniform jacket. It seemed getting used to having children around was easier than he thought it would have been. It had always seemed to him that people who were capable of doing things while holding children had to have some special talent that he was missing. Not anymore.

He smiled as he caught a glimpse of their reflection in the mirror, her blonde halo spread across his face as her chubby arms grasped his neck tightly. Yes, _this _was what he wanted - he was sure of it now.

He climbed carefully into the bunk he'd been sharing with Kara and laid Tessa down beside him. She immediately snuggled up and stuck a thumb in her mouth, the picture of perfect toddler happiness.

Despite the heaviness weighing on him with Kara's situation, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**

She woke early, still feeling groggy but physically somewhat better. Her first thought, after reaching for a glass of water, was for Lee. She had so many questions for him - so many confusing thoughts whirling around in her head that needed explaining. But the one thing she wondered about most was his declaration - 'one thing I can tell you and you need to believe is that I love you. Never doubt that.'

She heard footsteps and her heart began to beat faster, hoping it was him.

It wasn't - it was an unfamiliar dark-skinned woman with black, curly hair pulled back into a ponytail. She wore the same clothes as Lee had done but there was one thing missing - a pin shaped like a pair of wings that Lee had had on his jacket. _Maybe he's a pilot too,_ she thought._ Just like me._

"Good morning," the woman said.

"Morning," Kara answered stiffly, voice unused to being used.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay I suppose," Kara answered lightly, feeling a sense of disquiet that she couldn't explain since as far as she could recollect she'd never met this woman before.

"I don't mean to be rude, but who are you?" she asked bluntly.

"Sorry, I forgot," she chuckled. "I'm Anastasia Dualla, the communications officer. Most people call me Dee."

"Dee." Nope, still didn't seem familiar.

"Did we ... know each other before?"

Dee waved her hand around. "Everyone knows everyone around here."

"I mean, were we friends, because I'm sorry, I just don't remember ..."

"That's okay. No we weren't exactly close friends ..."

Kara's brow furrowed. Her feeling of disquiet was increasing.

"Then what?" she asked, direct as always. "How did we know each other?"

"We have something in common."

"What's that?"

"Lee Adama."

"Oh." Now she knew why the feelings of disquiet were plaguing her. Two women, one man ... one awfully attractive, kind man. Definitely not a good situation.

"So are you and Lee friends too?" she asked slowly, already dreading the response, her gut feeling telling her it was something she didn't want to hear.

Dee laughed lightly. "I'm his fiancee."

Kara's cheeks paled then grew warm as she remembered the touch of his lips on her cheek as he assured her he loved her.

"I didn't know ... I mean, I didn't realize ..."

Dee watched her struggle with a well-hidden smile.

" ... that he was engaged? Well technically we're not yet, since he hasn't given me a ring, but we've all but decided to spend our lives together."

"Really." Kara wanted to say more ... to ask more ... to find out what the frak was going on, but for some reason her stomach seemed to have fallen right down to her toes and her vocal chords just weren't cooperating.

"He didn't tell you?" Dee looked surprised.

Kara shook her head.

"I'm surprised."

"He sort of led me to believe ..."

"... that there was something between you and him?"

Kara looked down at the bedclothes, embarrassed to have jumped to conclusions.

"There used to be."

Her head popped up. "Used to be?"

"It was over a long time ago. You went and married someone else."

She felt the words cutting her soul. Too much, too soon. Too much she didn't understand or want to believe. How could she feel so ... right with Lee even though she didn't know him, and yet have dumped him for someone else? And why did he tell her he loved her and act like_ she_ was his whole world when the two of them didn't even belong together anymore ... when he was engaged to someone else?

She shook her head gently in confusion.

Dee seemed contrite. "I'm sorry. Am I giving you too much all at once? Maybe I should go and let you rest. Lee will be coming soon to visit with your daughter."

"My _daughter_? I have a child?" Her head was reeling. "Is she ..."

" ... Lee's? Yes."

"We have a ... how can we ... why didn't he say anything?" Her mind was racing a mile a minute as she sought to comprehend Dee's words and their implications. "I don't understand," she finished in a small voice.

Dee began to back away. "I'm on duty shortly. Perhaps I should leave it up to him to explain."

oooooooooooooooooo

Lee hurried to Lifestation, feeling guilty for being late. After having gone to bed so late, he and Tessa had slept till almost nine. He'd skipped his shower and was going to skip breakfast in order to make it there as quickly as possible, but he'd forgotten for the moment that he had a child to care for - one who needed to be fed and was only too happy to make a lengthy game out of getting dressed.

He finally made it after dropping Tessa off with Cally's babysitter at nine forty-five.

Kara greeted him with dazed eyes and glum face.

"Sorry I'm late," he apologized, leaning over to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

She pulled away. "It's okay."

He studied her for a moment, confused. "Is something wrong? Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine."

"Then what is it?"

Her eyes finally met his. "How do you know something's wrong?"

"I know you well enough to know when something's bothering you," he said with a small smile.

"Then how come you didn't know it would bother me to lie to me?" she asked, voice icy.

_Oh frak, has her memory returned already?_ he wondered._ I'm not sure either of us is ready to deal with _that_ yet ... _

"What do you mean?" he asked evasively.

Her face contorted in a jumble of emotions - sadness, anger, loneliness, confusion ...

"Why didn't you tell me we had a daughter, and that we're not together anymore ... and that you're engaged to some woman named Dee?" she asked accusingly. "Why did you tell me you loved me when it's obviously over between us and we've both moved on?"

Lee's mind went blank. Oh frak ...

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 20

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 20**

A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update this story. I know it's been a couple of months but I've had a baby in the meanwhile and he (along with my other 2 kids and dog) is keeping me extraordinarily busy so I don't have a lot of time to write. I want to thank those who've kept up with this story though and who've been willing to wait so patiently for updates. The story will be done soon and I WILL finish it - that's a promise - if you can only hang in there with me. :) 

**ooooooooooooooo**

"It's not," he blurted out before thinking.

"It's not what?" she repeated, voice quavering with the tears she was holding back.

"It's not over between us," he said softly. "It never will be. We've tried pretending and being with other people but we always come back to each other in the end."

"But she said ..."

"She was here?" he interrupted sharply, face tightening in anger.

"Earlier. She told me everything about us."

He laughed harshly. "She couldn't _begin_ to tell you everything about us. She has no clue what's between us. No one does."

She looked at him with curious eyes. "What is between us then? Tell me what's going on. _ Please?_"

Desire warred with duty inside him. Probably showed on his face too - he was good at the stoic facade with everyone - except her. How could one person be so conflicted? He wanted to tell her everything, get it all out in the open and put it past them so they could move forward. But at the same time he wished he could just bury it all and forget about it - start from scratch and do it right this time. Either way, now wasn't the time. The Doc didn't want her to know any potentially upsetting details yet. Little did he know just how upsetting their relationship really was! _Damn Dee for coming in here and stirring up trouble!_ He never would have thought it of her in the beginning when she seemed like such a nice, innocent girl. _Some judge of character I am,_ he chastised himself. Dee was showing her claws now and it seemed she had a jealous streak as wide as Kara's. He smiled ruefully inside - somehow he'd never minded when Kara got possessive of him, which was something of a regular occurrence whenever another woman showed some interest in him. Of course it wasn't like he didn't turn into a furious green-eyed monster at any other man showing interest in _her_.

He sighed loudly. "I'll have to ask the Doc if it's okay."

"What could be so terrible that you can't tell me? I already know our relationship was obviously not a good one."

"It _was_ good ... at times," he reflected, eyes softening back to that liquid blue that melted her heart.

"I'm glad," she whispered, and took his hand in hers.

He smiled. "I promise I'll tell you everything - even the bad stuff - as soon as the Doc says it's okay."

"Okay," she whispered, instinctively trusting him though what Dee had said still sat at the back of her mind.

"I _do _love you - don't let anyone tell you any different. I've always loved you and I always will."

"So why did it end if you love me so much?" A thought dawned unhappily on her. "Was it ... because I didn't love you?"

There was silence and Kara's heart sank. She felt such strong feelings for him already without even knowing who he was that she was sure she must have loved him in return. Apparently not though.

"I can't answer that without getting into the whole story, which is something the Doc wants us to avoid till you're feeling stronger."

She closed her eyes and bit her lip in frustration. "Fine," she said, exasperation evident in her voice.

Lee smiled at the sound - that was more like the Kara he remembered.

"I'm sorry, really I am," he offered. "I want everything out in the open too. No more secrets."

She squeezed his hand.

"But first I have something I have to do." His face set grimly.

"What's that?" she asked, stomach beginning to churn.

"Deal with Dee."

"Is she really ... are you actually engaged?" Her heart sank to the bottom of her stomach just thinking about the words.

"_Engaged_? Is that what she told you?" His eyes flashed in anger.

Kara nodded.

"No!" he said explosively. "She isn't ... I mean we aren't engaged."

"Why did she say you were then?"

"Because that's what she wants to happen."

"Is it going to?" she asked in a small, scared voice.

"No." His voice was firm in contrast and it filled her with reassurance. "I let you go once before. I won't do it again." The stare he leveled at her was intense enough to melt her very bones.

Her cheeks coloured.

"I need to talk to Dee. I'll be back a little later," he said after a few minutes of silence.

"Okay."

As he walked away he was stopped in his tracks as she called out to him.

"Can you bring our daughter next time?"

His face drained of blood and the world swam suddenly. Oh gods, how was he going to deal with _that_?

**ooooooooooooooooooooo**

Jill answered the knock at the hatch, surprise evident on her face.

"Sir, is something wrong sir?" she asked worriedly.

William Adama smiled a reassuring smile at her and beamed in at the two children playing happily on the floor behind her.

"No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to come see Tessa."

"Oh." She was nonplussed at having the Admiral visit but ushered him in nonetheless.

"So everything's okay with Cally and Galen?" she asked, still slightly suspicious of his visit.

"They're fine. Everything's okay ... Jill is it? It's just ... well maybe you've heard that Kara ... Captain Thrace is ... has a rather special place in my heart and finding out she has a daughter ... well I just wanted to spend a little time with her to meet her and see what she's like."

"Will Captain Thrace mind?"

"Of course not."

Jill's eyebrows drew together. Lee Adama had seemed to think it was important to keep Tessa away from everyone but if it was his own father? Surely he wouldn't mind the Admiral visiting the little girl.

Adama stepped gingerly over to the children and lowered his stocky frame to the ground. He hadn't had much to do with children since his own were babies but one thing he remembered was that adults seemed awfully large and frightening to toddlers and it was best to try and make yourself small and come down to their level in order not to scare them.

"Hello Tessa," he began softly.

She stared at him wordlessly, as she'd done from the moment the door had opened.

"Do you remember me? We spent a little time together the other day."

She didn't move a muscle but he could see the recognition in her eyes.

"I'm Lee's daddy," he said, hoping the girl would recognize Lee's name.

She did. Her eyes lit up with a sparkle and she smiled a wide, intoxicating smile - one that mimicked Kara's exactly.

"Lee!" she sang out happily and stood, walking over to him and grabbing at the chain just barely visible through his uniform neck till the dogtags slipped free and hung on the outside.

"Oh I see," he said, smiling at her. "This is the game you like to play with Lee."

She nodded and began to swing them around.

"Lee," she chimed periodically as she played, causing Adama's heart to tighten painfully. He's missed so much of his son's growing up years and though he was trying to make up for lost time with Lee now these toddler years of playfulness and exploration were something he could never have back. He felt his mind change at that moment - he wanted Lee and Kara to work things out and raise this little girl as _their_ daughter. He wanted Lee to experience the joys of fatherhood the way he never had. He was obviously forming a bond with Tessa that was quite strong, and as resilient as children were, she was going to need that to overcome her bad start to life and to deal with whatever was yet to come with Kara's health.

Jill, recognizing that the two needed time to bond, took Matthew into the sleeping area of her quarters to give them some privacy.

Some time later Adama appeared in the doorway.

"Did my son say when he'd be back?" he asked her.

"No. I believe he was going to visit Captain Thrace though," she added helpfully.

"Ma-ma," Tessa said definitively, shaking her blonde curls as she came to stand beside him.

"That's right," Adama praised her. "Kara is your mama."

She beamed but he could read the question she couldn't even know how to put into words in her eyes.

"I'd like to take you to her but we'll have to ask the Doctor if it's okay first," he explained, hoping she'd understand.

She seemed to as she nodded her head sadly and wandered in to sit beside Matthew.

"Thank you for letting me spend some time with her," he said gratefully.

"No problem Admiral." She smiled fondly at Tessa. "I've hardly known her any time at all but she's already won my heart and convinced me she's one smart cookie.

Adama smiled. _Given her parentage, I'm not surprised_, he thought. _She's going to be terrifyingly smart, charismatic and precocious to boot - it'll be a wonder if anyone can resist her. Not unlike her mother ..._

He shook his head as he wandered the corridors back to CIC. She was definitely going to be a handful someday ... a mili-Starbuck if ever he'd seen one.

**ooooooooooooooo**

He found her in the head, just finishing a shower. She smiled sweetly at him.

"Lee ... you're not on duty?" She winked as she gestured at the shower stall behind her. "Maybe we could use a few more minutes of water if we don't tell anyone I'm going past my ration." She pulled off the towel to expose her dark, still-damp skin.

Lee's face hardened. "I'm not here for that."

She searched his eyes for a moment, not liking what she found there. "I guess things change huh?" she said in a tight voice. "Once upon a time you couldn't wait to get your hands on me."

He looked her up and down as he marveled at how he could have slept with her so many times and thought that perhaps he might be falling in love with her. He felt not an ounce of attraction to her - not one - as far as he was concerned she was no different than any other woman he wasn't interested in.

Except that he was furious with her.

"Why did you go see Kara this morning?" he asked, voice pitched low and deadly.

"It's the thing to do when someone's in the hospital isn't it?" she answered innocently, batting her eyelashes at him while she finished drying off.

"Don't frak with me," he said angrily, eyes darkening to almost black. "You told Kara we were engaged."

"Well we are ... practically anyway," she said matter-of-factly as she pulled on her clothes.

"I never considered marrying you."

She flinched visibly.

"Surely you must have known that."

She faced him squarely. "What I know is that after she married Anders you turned to me because you couldn't have her anymore. That told me I'm second best. Then you went and had an affair with her, right under my nose."

Lee coloured. "Well_ you_ weren't any better - you slept with Gaeta. _ Gaeta! _of all people."

"There's nothing wrong with Felix," she said defensively. "He's a good guy."

"A good guy who sleeps with someone else's girlfriend," he put in bitterly.

"Not like you're any better," she retorted. "You slept with someone else's wife." Her eyes flashed angrily at him.

"I never claimed to be," Lee said, looking contrite. "I've made a lot of mistakes and bad judgement calls lately."

They stared at one another for a moment in silence.

"Was I one of those mistakes?" she asked quietly.

He sighed. "Yes. I'm sorry Dee. I never meant to hurt you." He took a deep breath. "You're right, you were always second best. I've been in love with Kara for as long as I've known her and I was devastated that she chose to spend her life with someone else."

"That doesn't give you the right to use me as a replacement," she said accusingly, sorrow filling her face.

"No it doesn't. And for that I'm sorry," he apologized, colouring more deeply yet. "But I love Kara and I've got another chance with her now. I'm not going to waste it."

"So it's over between us? Just like that?"

"Just like that," he confirmed.

"What if it doesn't work out? I mean she's not Kara anymore, really."

A wistful smile broke out on his face. "No, she's definitely different now."

"So how can you still be in love with her if she's not the Kara you've always loved?"

"This is a different side of her - one I thought I'd never see. One I'm not sure she's ever shown anyone before. Vulnerable, scared, protective, nurturing ... I always suspected those things were hidden deep inside but she was never willing to let them out before."

"And you like them." It was more a declaration than a question.

"I like them," he said quietly. "I'd love to see the old Kara return too but a mix of both would be perfect."

"What if that never happens? What if she stays this way and never regains her memory? Are you sure you'll still love her and want to be with her?"

He thought for a moment about his choice. Living with Kara the way she was now and never having the old Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace back, or living without her. No Kara in his life at all.

There was no choice.

He'd already tried living without her and that had been the only time in his life when he'd truly felt he wasn't alive.

"Yes," he answered firmly. "I will always love Kara and want to be with her. No matter what."

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 21

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 21**

**ooooooooooooooo**

The sound of voices cheered her up immensely as they drew closer to where she was lying. Spending hours alone in sickbay was something she was finding to be very wearying and she longed to be free to go ... well she didn't know_ where _she'd go since she couldn't recall anything about the ship despite Lee's rather pictorial descriptions, but she just longed to get out and go exploring. Being caged was obviously not something her personality enjoyed.

The Doc poked his head around the curtain suddenly. "You've got visitors," he announced. "Are you up to seeing them?"

She smiled brightly. "Of course."

He nodded and stepped aside, Lee replacing him a few seconds later, a small blonde child wrapped in his arms.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she whispered back, afraid to break the spell of the moment as their eyes met.

Lee lifted a hand and stroked Tessa's curls. "This is Tessa."

"Tessa." She paused. "That's a very pretty name."

The moment Tessa heard Kara's voice she pulled her face away from where she'd buried it in Lee's neck and spun around, eyes wide with excitement.

"Ma-ma!" she cried out, face shining joyfully.

She wriggled in his arms till he put her down and she ran to Kara's bedside, arms outstretched. Kara was lost for words. She stared at the perfect little girl beside her, flaxen-blonde curls, deep blue eyes and fair china-doll skin, and yet she felt nothing. No connection to the girl at all._ This is my daughter?_ she thought incredulously._ She's beautiful but I just don't remember her._

She smiled at Tessa but Lee saw the hesitation in her eyes and guessed what she must be feeling. He stepped forward and picked Tessa up, sitting them both on the edge of the bed. Tessa scrambled over and threw herself into Kara's arms. Kara hugged her tightly despite her trepidation, knowing it was what the girl needed.

After a few moments Lee extricated her from Kara's arms.

"Here, come sit with me munchkin," he murmured as he pulled her onto his lap.

She pouted, obviously not happy at being pulled away from the one person she wanted to be with most of all.

"Your mama had an accident and got hurt so she doesn't remember everything anymore," he explained gently, hoping she'd understand. She was very young but whether her vocabulary was advanced for her age or whether she just had an innate ability to understand things beyond her level, she always seemed to comprehend what he told her.

She looked up at him with sad eyes and he could read the question plain as day - _will she ever remember me?_

He stroked her back softly. "We're hoping one day she'll remember everything." He smiled sadly at Kara.

"I hope so too," she whispered.

Just then Cottle appeared. "So, how goes the reunion?" he asked, quirking one eyebrow at Lee.

"Fine," Lee answered.

"Am I allowed to leave here soon?" Kara asked.

"Aw, aren't you enjoying your stay?" Cottle asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"It's not exactly a five-star hotel."

Lee laughed out loud at her answer. Pure Starbuck - always in your face and giving you grief.

"I've got an MRI scheduled for later this afternoon. If the results look good I'll let you return to quarters."

Lee and Kara's faces both lit up with large smiles.

_"If_," he reiterated. "If there's any concerns still -_ any at all_ - you stay here. Understood?"

"Understood," Kara answered meekly but as Cottle turned his back to her she made a face. It was all Lee could do to keep from laughing.

Kara glanced at him and they shared a look. His heart leapt - the eyes that smiled back at him were the old Kara's. Even if everything didn't return, at least he might get a little of her back. And frankly a little Kara might be easier to handle than a lot ...

**oooooooooooooo**

The test had proven to have satisfactory results so Cottle was as good as his word. Lee of course, accompanied Kara back to the quarters they'd been sharing before her surgery - the ones he and Tessa had been sharing ever since.

As he put the toddler down and she ran happily into the room a feeling hit him so hard that he literally had to step back -_ I want to keep this. I want to marry kara and raise Tessa as our daughter._

Kara noticed his hesitation. "You okay?" she asked, frowning at him.

He smiled widely, heart ready to burst. "Just fine."

There was something in his smile she couldn't quite understand but she let it go upon entering the unfamiliar space. She faltered slightly.

Lee noticed and put a hand out to reassure her, resting it on the small of her back. "Are you okay?" he asked, looking intently at her for signs of distress.

She turned to him, a puzzled but not fearful look in her eyes. "It's all just a little overwhelming, that's all," she answered quietly.

He rubbed small circles on her back. "It'll all be okay, I promise," he said.

"Ma-ma," Tessa called from where she was sitting on the bunk they'd shared. She patted it, her face aglow with a mega-watt smile.

"I think she wants you to come lie with her for a while," he offered, seeing Kara's confused look.

She nodded and walked towards the bed, loathe to leave the feeling Lee's touch on her back had stirred in her. She sat down beside Tessa and the little girl lay, patting the pillow beside her.

"I've been laying with her to get her to fall asleep," Lee explained, somewhat apologetically. "She missed you."

"Does she live with me then?" Kara asked, lying down beside her daughter. Tessa snuggled up against her and tucked her thumb in her mouth.

Lee was at a loss for words.

"Well obviously we're not together anymore," Kara said quietly, a shadow of sadness crossing her eyes, "so which of us does she live with - you or me?"

Lee sighed. "That's a question that's not so easily answered."

"Why not?"

Lee envied her her innocence and directness. If only it were that simple ...

"She hasn't been living with either of us till a couple of weeks ago."

"Why?" Kara's voice was fiercely protective as she stole a quick glance at the nearly-asleep child beside her.

"It's a long, long story. Do you really feel up to it now?"

She nodded firmly.

Lee sighed again. "Okay but let's wait till she's asleep," he said, nodding at Tessa, whose heavy eyelids were staying shut longer and longer with each blink.

Kara turned back on her side and put her arm around the little girl, eyes shutting right along with Tessa's.

Lee sat on the edge of the crowded bunk and watched them, two heads of matching blonde hair mingling together on the pillow. They lay unmoving for so long that Lee began to think Kara had fallen asleep as well when suddenly she stiffened and her eyes flew open, wide with fear.

"Metal men ... robots ... armies of them," she said breathlessly. "Who are they? _What_ are they?"

"Cylons," he said softly. "Our enemies. The ones who held Tessa prisoner."

Her face hardened. "Tell me."

He took her hand and guided her across the room to an empty bunk and sat her down. Then he began to talk.

He told her of the creation of the cylons, what little he knew, and of how they'd disappeared for years, only to attempt to annihilate their creators when they finally resurfaced. He told her of the struggles they'd had since leaving their homeworld and of how the cylons had pursued them relentlessly and slaughtered every human being they could.

They he told her about the skin jobs. Her skin prickled in fear at the thought that anyone around her could be a cylon - and she'd never know the difference. Even Lee ... she didn't remember him well enough to know if she should trust him or not ... she'd just gone on blind instinct. She didn't want to believe he could be one of them ... but how could she know for sure?

"Are you ... one of them?" she ventured tentatively when he took a break to collect his thoughts as to how to continue.

He looked her straight in the eye. "No. You can trust me." He took her hands in his and his warmth flowed through her, enveloping her in love.

"I do," she said simply.

Their eyes held for a moment till awkwardness set in.

She cleared her throat. "So how did these mother frakkers get a hold of our daughter?" she asked, a little bit of the old 'Starbuck' fire coming into her voice. Lee held back a smile.

"That's kind of a long story too," he said sadly.

"Seems to be the story of my life doesn't it?" she said dryly.

He nodded, trying not to smile.

"The cylons took her when she was very small and we didn't know she was alive till a few weeks ago," he explained, voice gentle as he dealt the blow her knew would hurt her most. It wasn't a _complete_ lie though ... they _had_ taken her when she was very small - an embryo in fact, and they _hadn't _known she was alive till a few weeks earlier. He'd just left out the inconvenient details ... and hoped she wouldn't ask about them. At least not yet.

Her face registered shock and she went pale.

"Are you okay?" he asked, squeezing her hands.

She nodded. "I just can't believe ... they had her _that_ long? And we didn't know?"

Lee shook his head.

Tears began to form in her eyes. Lee gathered her into his arms and held her close as if touching her would transfer the pain to him. She'd suffered enough lately - she didn't need this too.

She cried fora little while then began to relax in his arms. He could feel her tiredness though she said nothing, so he lay her down on the bunk and pulled the covers over her.

"Get some rest. We'll talk more tomorrow."

She turned large, scared eyes to him. "Stay with me?"

He pulled off his jacket and crawled into bed beside her. She didn't snuggle up but a few moments later he felt her hand slip into one of his and he squeezed gently.

"I'm here Kara. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere."

The words served to calm her and cement the decision he'd made all in one. He'd chosen to stay with Kara, for better or for worse, and tough though the road was going to be, his heart felt lighter and happier than it had in a long time.

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

They came not as dreams but as flashes of memory.

_A viper spinning wildly out of control ..._

_Dancing with Lee's arms firmly around her ..._

_Sitting on the ground with her knee twisted painfully in the wrong direction ..._

_Red paint dripping onto the floor as she and Lee laughed together ..._

_A tall, dark man who wasn't Lee ..._

_Stabbing a man in the neck with something sharp ..._

_Guns in both of her hands ... Lee falling to the ground with a bullet in his chest ... a bullet she'd shot him with ..._

_Feeling the G-force pressure as her viper shot through the launch tube ..._

_A dark skinned, dark haired woman inciting jealousy in her as she smiled at Lee ..._

_Freefalling through seemingly endless miles of space ..._

_Falling down into a huge hole, locked in a death grip with a fiercely strong blonde woman ..._

_Laying on top of the man-who-wasn't-Lee as his hands roamed her body and made her skin prickle with desire ..._

_'Lee Adama loves me' - and a kiss that was far too short ..._

_Flying straight at a crescent-shaped ship, knowing she was going to die and welcoming it ..._

She woke in a pool of sweat, heart pounding at all the images coming so quickly and so vividly. She blinked, trying to hold onto them, force them to continue so she had some idea of what they meant but each time she focused on one it slipped away like water in her hand.

Her heart beat furiously in her chest. Love, hate, sadness, joy, fear, desolation, anticipation ... they'd all been present in the flashes she'd had of what her life had been but it was all too overwhelming at once.

She slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Lee, and went to get herself a drink in the bathroom. Her breathing was still shallow and rapid and her eyes were full of tears. She closed them, feeling the lashes grow wet, and drank down the entire glass of water. When she opened them she jumped ... there was another reflection in the mirror - Lee.

"Are you okay?" he whispered softly. It seemed to be the question of the night.

She nodded, a lump growing in her throat.

"Nightmares?"

She shook her head. "Not exactly ... more like flashes ... scenes of things I think happened to me. They were so real ..." she added wistfully.

Lee's eyes lit up. "Good. Maybe you're starting to remember." He put his hands on her hips without realizing what he was doing and drew her close to him.

She leaned back into his chest and closed her eyes. Here was where she felt safe ...

Her neck grew warm and tingles traveled up and down her spine. Lee was kissing her.

She spun around in his arms and searched, eyes still shut, till her lips met his. They kissed for a long while till images began to flash through her mind again.

_Kissing Lee ..._

_Kissing the other dark-haired, blue-eyed man ..._

_Undressing Lee ..._

_Undressing the other man ..._

_Lee inside her, bringing her ecstasy ..._

_The other man under her as she brought them both pleasure ..._

She pulled away, confused.

Lee's eyes opened, fearing he'd gone too far but there was a questioning look on her face, not an angry one.

"Lee, who is the other man?" she asked.

"The other man?"

"The other man I keep seeing in my visions. The dark-haired, blue-eyed one."

Lee's heart sank like a stone.

"Samuel Anders. Your husband."

**TBC**


	22. Chapter 22

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 22**

**ooooooooooooooooo**

"My husband." The words were matter-of-fact. "My husband."

Lee nodded.

She fixed him with a piercing glare. "What am I doing with you if I'm married to someone else?" She took a long, slow breath. "And where is he?"

"Those are both questions that are very hard to answer," he said, choosing his words carefully.

"Why?" As always she cut straight to the point. "Are you afraid to tell me?"

"Kara, I ..."

She pulled back out of his arms. "I get it. It's one of those 'complicated' relationships."

"You have no idea," he murmured.

"Then why won't you tell me?" she demanded.

"It's not that I won't - I _want _everything out in the open," he said, a trace of vexation visible on his face. "That was the problem before. We kept things hidden from each other, used innuendo to express how we felt, and played around as though what was between us was just a game. Well it wasn't, and we all ended up getting hurt because of it."

"All of us? Who is 'all of us'?"

"You, me, Sam and Dee."

She stared at him in silent contemplation for some minutes before speaking.

"So if I loved you, why did I marry someone else?" she asked softly, a slightly perplexed look on her face.

Lee exhaled softly. "Well that's the question isn't it?"

She cocked her head inquiringly.

"The only reason I've ever been able to fathom was that you were afraid."

"Afraid? Afraid of what? Afraid of you?"

"Hardly," he chuckled, rubbing his chin involuntarily. It had been a long time since she'd hit him but his pride still bore the scars. "Your right hook is proof of that."

"Then what?"

"Are you_ sure_ you want to know?" he asked, one hand reaching up to smooth the loose strands of hair falling across her face.

"Don't you think it's time for the truth?" she whispered. He could hear the fear in her voice as well as the note of pleading.

"Okay, I'll tell you everything and when I'm done you can ask anything you want. Just remember one thing - I love you. I've always loved you. It's been a long and difficult relationship and some of what I'm going to tell you will shock you but remember no matter what, I love you and always will."

She reached for his hand and took it, squeezing it gently. "Tell me."

He pulled her back onto the bed and sat beside her, their hands still intertwined lovingly.

He told her the little he knew of her childhood and how he'd surmised it hadn't been happy since she, unlike most people, never spoke of it, even those cute little kid stories that everyone seemed to have.

He told her of Zak and their forbidden affair and how it had blossomed into love. Of course he'd only really known Zak's perspective since his brother had called and written frequently about his 'amazing girlfriend' and Lee had only met her a few months before Zak's death - just a few short weeks before their secretive engagement. He told her how impressed he'd been with her and how lucky he'd felt his brother was to have found someone so special.

"This was to be his wedding band," Lee added softly, running his fingers delicately along the thumb ring she still wore.

"I wondered about that," she whispered back, beginning to finger it herself. "It's so big ..."

"Zak had yours - you two had some weird romantic notion of picking wedding bands for each other and wearing them till the ceremony, when you'd pledge them to each other as you pledged your lives to one another."

She turned to face him in the almost-darkness. "Really? That's so sweet."

"Yeah, it is," he said wistfully.

She sensed something was off somehow - the vibe he was giving off had changed subtly somehow.

"What is it?" She squeezed his hand, unable to see his eyes in the dim light.

He smiled. "It's just ... it's been so long since you were that person. Zak's death changed you so dramatically."

"He died?" She felt as though the air had been knocked out of her. Silly really, considering she didn't even remember him. But though she didn't, Lee's description of him and their relationship placed him firmly in her life and she almost felt as though she were losing him all over again.

"Kara, this is going to be hard for to you to hear," he began, then took a deep breath and told her the whole story, including their estrangement for two years after the funeral, and her confession to him when the first attacks had happened.

Her hand flew to her mouth and covered it as her jaw dropped wide open.

"I _killed_ him?" she whispered, hardly able to believe it.

Lee took both her hands in his, pulling her hand away from her face with an effort.

"No, you didn't kill him Kara," he said firmly. "You loved him and you wanted to make him happy."

"But if I hadn't he'd still be alive," she whispered tearfully.

"There's no guarantee of that, given that ninety nine percent of the population was wiped out in the first cylon attack. If you hadn't passed Zak chances are he'd have kept trying, maybe become a raptor pilot instead and you'd have kept your teaching job at the Academy. Then both of you would be dead now."

She sniffed. "But still ... what I did caused his death. How can you and your father forgive me for that?"

"It was an accident Kara. YOu never meant to hurt him. I saw the love in your eyes when you were together - the two of you adored each other and would have done anything to make each other happy. Yes, my father and I were both a little angry with you when you told us the truth, but we couldn't help but understand that you only did what you did because you loved him."

He paused a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Zak is part of the reason you and I were never able to allow ourselves to feel what we did for each other. I can't know how you felt inside but I know how I felt, and I'm sure both of us felt some guilt over the fact that we were nearly brother and sister in law. There's an unwritten rule somewhere that says you shouldn't be in love with your brother's girlfriend - even if said brother is dead, and I'm sure there's a matching one for women." He squeezed her hand. "As much as I loved you, I always felt like I was betraying my brother's memory. Maybe you felt the same way. I only know that we both loved each other yet something always kept us from giving in fully to how we felt and being able to be happy together."

"I wish I could remember him," Kara said softly, frustration creeping into her voice.

"Hopefully in time you will," Lee reassured her.

"I hope so," she echoed. "Tell me about Sam," she added, turning to look at him. Her eyes were black in the almost-darkness.

"There's not as much for me to tell since I didn't know him as well as Zak obviously," he said with a smile, "but I can tell you what I saw in him and in you when you were with him and maybe someday your memory can fill in the details I don't know."

He told her of her return from Caprica and how though she hadn't told him about Sam right away, he'd felt there was someone else because of her growing distant behaviour towards him. He told her of her persistent desire to rescue him and of her growing despair when she felt she'd betrayed him and left him to die.

He told her of how happy they were after the successful rescue, and how much they'd obviously enjoyed being together.

Kara detected an undertone of some other emotion from him as he spoke - jealousy perhaps? It would make sense, given that he kept telling her he'd loved her, and still did.

"How did you feel about it?" she asked suddenly.

"Me? I was happy for you ... and him. I was sad at the thought of losing you to him but it was good to see you happy Kara. It had been a long time since I'd seen you that happy, and after Zak's death I wasn't even sure if you were ever going to allow yourself to feel that way about anyone again."

"Did he ... did he love me?"

Her voice broke his heart. She sounded so scared and vulnerable as though she fully expected he hadn't loved her and had just been using her.

"Yes he loved you Kara,. That was obvious to anyone with eyes. He adored you." He pulled one hand away from hers and stroked her cheek lightly.

"Did I love him?"

"I think so. I'm pretty sure you did," he added, "but with you it's sometimes hard to tell. You like to keep things to yourself and not share them with anyone."

"But how could I love him ... and you at the at the same time?" She sounded perplexed.

"I think it's possible to love two people at the same time. Each one offers something different and the feelings you have are different for each, but they're still love."

"Is that how it is with you and Dee?" she asked carefully, wanting to know more about his relationship with the other woman.

"I wanted to love her, thought I did ... but I really don't know," he answered distantly. "Sometimes I think I loved her - she made me happy and I enjoyed being with her but sometimes I think I was just using her to forget about you. Because you were married to someone else and I was never going to be able to have you."

She placed a hand over his, both now cupping her cheek.

"I wish ... I wish things had been different. It sounds like I really hurt you and I'm sorry."

"Things can be different," he said softly. "We have another chance now. We can start over."

"What about Sam? Aren't we still married? You haven't mentioned divorce ..."

"You aren't divorced. He's missing." Lee's heart felt like lead as he said the words. What if she wanted them to go back and search for him? What if she decided she couldn't move on till she remembered Sam and what he'd meant to her?

"What do you mean 'missing'?"

Lee sighed. "The cylons attacked and occupied the planet you were living on. They were cruel dictators, The people rose up against them and there was a rebellion. Many people died ... some just went missing. We were lucky we found you - you were being held prisoner by one of them, brainwashed to believe he was your husband and that we were the enemy. We brought you back here kicking and screaming. You didn't want to leave him."

She flushed in the darkness. Kicking and screaming? That didn't sound like her ... or did it? Was that how she reacted to things? Her flush deepened.

"So Sam is still missing?" she asked, trying to skirt the issue of her response.

Lee nodded. "We had to abandon the search for our own safety. We've hung around here longer than we should have and unless we find some pretty good proof that there's someone left to find, we're not going back to the planet. Everyone is presumed dead at this point." He tried to be gentle even though the news likely wouldn't hurt her much - it's not like she really remembered him or what he'd meant to her.

"Oh," was all she said, as if lost for words. "That means we're still married," she added meditatively.

"Yes."


	23. Chapter 23

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 23**

**oooooooooooooo**

"How are things going with Kara?" Adama asked gingerly, after his morning briefing with Lee who'd resumed most of the his normal XO duties. Nearly a week had passed since Kara's release from Lifestation and Adama had hardly heard a word about her ... unusual given the way the rumour mill worked on his ship and that this was _Kara_ they were talking about. Usually she was prime fodder for rumour starters.

"Well," Lee answered shortly.

Adama glared at him. "Just 'well'? You don't have anything else to say?"

Lee shrugged. "What? It's going well. She seems to be fine healthwise - she's seen Cottle twice since leaving Lifestation and he hasn't said anything negative."

"How about her mental state?"

"She's coming along," Lee said, a trifle evasively.

"Is she remembering anything?"

"Bits and pieces ... vague memories of faces and places but nothing coherent."

"Do you think there's a chance she'll be fit for duty any time soon?" Adama asked.

"I don't know." Lee sighed. "She's really not the same person she was. She's absolutely devoted to Tessa and spends almost every waking moment with her. She's mentioned a few flashes of memory where she was flying or felt like she was falling but she hasn't really asked about getting back into the cockpit," Lee admitted honestly.

"Hmm."

"Do you think she needs to be out there yet?" Lee asked.

"I think she's one of our best pilots and we could really use her if she's fit to do her job. I know the cylons haven't been around lately but any moment they could be back and to be honest I'd like my Apollo and Starbuck ready when it happens. I think we all feel much safer with the two of you out there."

Lee flushed. "You think I can't handle combat without her?"

"I didn't say that. I think the two of you work together like one mind out there. I've never seen two more perfectly matched people - you anticipate each other's moves and you take care of business quickly and efficiently, all the while watching each other's backs like a leader and wingman should."

Lee's flush deepened, this time out of embarrassment and pride, not anger. "We _are_ perfectly matched. In _and_ out of the sky."

Adama let that sink in for a moment. "Are you telling me ..." he began quietly but Lee interrupted him.

"Yes. I plan on marrying her. We're going to be a family."

"Have you asked her?"

"Not yet, but we've talked about it a lot and we've both come to the conclusion that we want to be together and raise Tessa as our daughter."

"Does Kara know the truth?"

"No. I told her I'm Tessa's father. And if you'll get the President to push forward on it, I can sign the adoption papers so she _is_ mine."

Adama studied his son for a moment without speaking. "Are you _absolutely sure_ this is what you want?"

"Absolutely," Lee replied without hesitation.

"What about Dee?"

Lee flushed again. "I think she's gotten the picture."

"Maybe so, but it would be much more courteous of you to sit down and tell her."

His father's words were accusatory and Lee felt his hackles rise. He took several calming breaths.

"I will. In the meanwhile, can we make those quarters ours permanently?"

Adama's eyebrow raised and gave his son a strange look.

Lee flushed ... yet again. "Come on dad, it's not like we're sleeping together. Kara just wants me to stay with her. She says she feels safer with me there. And if we're going to become a family and get married at some point then we're going to need family quarters."

Adama nodded silently. "I see," he added later.

The two stared at one another for some time. Finally Lee stood.

"I'll get back to my duties then," he said stiffly, turning and heading for the door.

"Take Kara to the flight deck," Adama called after him.

Lee stopped dead.

"She's always been more at home there than anywhere else. Maybe it'll help," he added quietly.

Lee's shoulders softened. "Maybe," he echoed in a voice just louder than a whisper. "I hope so. I love Kara," he turned his head to met his father's eyes, "but I miss Starbuck."

**ooooooooooooooooo**

Kara's eyes grew wide as saucers. "The flight deck?" she said hopefully. "I can go see the ships?" Vague images of arrow-shaped ships darting here and there swam through her mind.

"We thought it might help you remember," Lee said gently.

She looked at him with hopeful eyes. "I'm remembering more and more ... just not anything coherent. Lots of little pictures, scenes, that kind of thing. I can remember faces but not conversations I had with those people."

Lee put a comforting hand around her shoulders. "It'll come."

She smiled sadly at him. "I hope so. Not that I'm ungrateful for what I _do_ remember or unhappy with the way things are, I just feel a little lost with all these big holes in my memory."

Tessa ran up and held her arms up against Kara's legs, her sign language for wanting to be picked up. Kara swung her up into her arms and Tessa smiled widely.

"See sips?" she said.

Kara looked over at Lee. "Can I bring her along?"

"Strictly speaking kids aren't allowed but we've taken her up there once before, and little Nicky visits his parents there frequently so I think we can make an exception."

Tessa hugged Kara's neck as she smiled happily. "See sips."

"Let's go," Lee said, opening the hatch for his two favourite blondes to exit.

The flight deck was busy with the day shift - several ships including Kara's were under routine maintenance. Lee had insisted no one fly Kara's bird, knowing how protective she was of it, but he'd gone so far as to agree to having it serviced and prepped in case other ships were damaged and it was needed in an emergency.

Kara walked to it straight off, as it knowing instinctively which one was hers. Tessa held on tight as she inspected it, drinking everything in hungrily.

Lee watched in amusement as first Kara then Tessa placed a hand on the ship and stroked it lovingly as though it were a pet.

"Major Adama, report to CIC. Pass the word to Major Adama. Major Adama report to CIC immediately."

A slew of heads turned in his direction. "I heard it," he said, giving them a weary smile. "I'm on my way." He put a hand on the small of Kara's back. "Will you be okay?" he asked softly.

She turned to face him and her green eyes were sparkling brighter than he'd ever seen them. She grinned and it looked as though her face would literally split. "We'll be fine."

"I'll be back later then."

"Don't worry Major, we'll take good care of them," Tyrol said, wiping his greasy hands on a rag as he walked over to join them.

"Thanks Chief," Lee said gratefully.

"Lee," Tessa said happily as he turned to walk away.

"Bye munchkin. See you later."

**ooooooooooooooooooooo**

Kara barely registered Lee's departure, so engrossed was she in her viper. She stroked it from end to end, feeling every bump and scrape. She didn't remember the particular battles each had been earned in but the feeling of sitting inside, holding the joystick in her hand and becoming one with this impressive machine was becoming stronger and stronger. She stopped and watched as a couple of mechanics worked under the ship. She couldn't see their faces but they sounded irked, as though there were arguing about something.

She put Tessa down gently and knelt so she could see what they were working on.

"It doesn't need replacing," one of them said gruffly. "Look, it's practically gleaming still."

"The Chief said to replace ALL the gimbals, belts and chains so that's what I'm gonna do," the other one argued stubbornly.

"But why waste a perfectly good gimbal when the one that's there will do just fine? We can use it elsewhere. I'm sure someone else's bird needs it worse than Starbuck's. It's not like she's flown it any time recently."

"That gimbal_ does _need replacing," she said, voice full of certainty.

"Wha ...?" Both men swung up from under the viper.

"I said that gimbal does need replacing. Look here," she pointed to it. "It looks all shiny and new on the outside but if you take it out," she matched the action to the words, grabbing it and giving it a yank, "you'll see the wear and tear on the inside."

"Well frak me," the first one said, surprise evident on his face.

Kara smiled. "No one takes care of my ship like I do," she said cockily, winking at them.

"Kee!" Tessa shouted.

All heads turned her way. She was pointing at Cally, who'd just come on the deck, Nicky in her arms.

"Kee!"

Nicky smiled at her as well and struggled to get out of his mother's arms, racing over to meet Tessa once she let him go.

"Nicky. You and Nicky are friends?" Kara asked, surprise written all over her face.

"Major Adama asked if our babysitter could watch Tessa when he was working and you were still in Lifestation," Cally explained gently. "The two of them spent a fair amount of time together and since they're the only two around the same age I guess they're kindred spirits." She smiled at the two kids who were now chasing each other around the vipers.

"Nicky, Tessa, come here," Cally called. The two children surprisingly obeyed. Cally turned to Kara.

"I was planning on taking Nicky to the observation lounge for a special treat. Can I take Tessa along with me too?"

Kara shrugged. "I don't see why not, as long as she's willing to go."

"Me go," Tessa sang out, holding Nicky's hand. "Me go."

"I guess it's decided then," Kara laughed.

Cally grabbed Nicky's hand. "Let's go then guys. We'll be back in a little while. Will you be here Captain? Or should I take her back to your quarters?"

"Um, I think I'll probably still be here," she answered. "I'd rather be here than stuck in that room," she admitted.

Cally leaned over to whisper in her ear. "I don't blame you." Both women smiled.

"See you in a while then."

"Bye sweetie," Kara called out to Tessa.

"Mo-mee," Tessa sang out, not knowing how to say goodbye yet.

After they'd gone, Kara wandered around and around her viper, feeling all sorts of emotions she could hardly remember flooding through her. Pride, joy, ecstasy, fear ... obviously flying had meant a great deal to her. If only she could remember it ...

"Can I ... sit inside?" she asked Tyrol shyly as he walked up to stand beside her.

He shrugged. "Sure, why not? It's your ship." He pulled the nearest set of stairs over and attached them to the viper.

Kara stood at the bottom of the steps, pausing for a moment before beginning. If anyone had asked why she was hesitating she couldn't have answered them - words couldn't describe it - but it was as though inside she knew she was about to take a huge step forwards and though she was looking forward to it, there was a fair amount of trepidation as well.

She took a deep breath, grabbed the rails and pulled herself up, quickly climbing into the cockpit before changing her mind.

The sensations were overwhelming.

_... the hangar bay disappeared and she was out in space, the darkness enveloping her like a warm blanket ... _

_... she was free ... she was no longer shackled to this painful existence ... _

_... she was one with her ship, her mind giving it controls and it responding as if they shared a brain ... _

_... she danced through the heavens, the twinkling stars winking at her in an expression of joy she'd never experienced anywhere else..._

_...flying at Lee's ship, dead on as though she was going to hit him ... hearing him yell 'you are beyond insane!'_

_... swerving through a cloud of cylon raiders as though they were just leaves falling from a tree in autumn ..._

_... falling ... falling ... knowing she was going to die ..._

_... swerving playfully with another viper, looking like she was going to crash into it but knowing she wouldn't ..._

_... 'it's a stealth ship Lee, of course you can't find me' ..._

Suddenly it all came back to her. Everything ... everything she was, everything she'd been ... everything she'd wanted to be and failed. She almost wished she hadn't remembered ... she now knew she wasn't nearly as good a person as Lee had painted her as.

But he had. Considering all that she'd done to hurt him, both intentionally and not, he still loved her, still cared enough to toss everything aside to take care of her and their child. He was the one constant in her life, not flying. All through her life since her Academy days she'd assumed it was flying. It was the one thing she could do and do damn well. Better than anyone else. She'd been proud of her achievements in the cockpit and had never failed to brag about her prowess.

But that wasn't what it was really about. She loved flying and had known from day one that it would be her life, but what was the one thing that was always there for her, when even flying couldn't be? Lee. He'd been there. He'd saved her, he'd loved her, he'd been honest with her, even given how painful it must have been for him to revisit the awful things she'd done to him.

Lee was the one constant in her life. The one thing she needed. Her rock. Lee was the one. The one good thing in her life that never went away even though she'd done her level best to frak it all up and drive him from her. He just kept coming back.

And the truth was, she wanted him to. She didn't want him to go ... ever again. She had a choice now - go back to being the selfish person she'd always been, hurting people because she was too afraid to give of herself and get hurt, or she could realize that losing her memory had been the best thing to ever happen to her. She'd seen herself from someone else's eyes - something that was next to impossible normally - and realized she needed to change if she were to have a real relationship with someone and be happy.

And it dawned on her, thankfully not too late, that Lee was the one she wanted to share that relationship with. He was the one she wanted to see every day - to wake up beside, to go to sleep next to, to live with and have his children. She'd been dancing around this issue for far too long, always pretending it wasn't about forever and that it was okay to just screw around with him. Well it was time to change that dance. Now it was time to be completely open and honest with him, to allow herself to be vulnerable for once, knowing as she now did that he wouldn't take advantage of her and hurt her, and love him the way she'd always wanted but had been afraid to.

It was time to change the tune of their relationship and begin a different dance. One that would last forever.

**TBC**


	24. Chapter 24

**The Dance You Choose - chapter 24 - The End**

**ooooooooooooooo**

Lee returned to the flight deck a couple of hours after leaving it to find Kara and Tessa standing pretty much right where he'd left them. A sudden feeling of dread made his stomach clench painfully - maybe it had been a bad idea to bring her here? - but it left as soon as he got a glimpse of Kara's face. It was glowing the way her eyes had been when he'd left, causing her to look more beautiful than an angel. Not that he'd seen any, or even believed in them, but pictures he'd seen had always depicted them as pale-skinned, fair-haired beauties with stunning smiles and that certainly described Kara to a 't'.

His mouth opened in a greeting but she forestalled him by pulling him into her arms and hugging him and Tessa fiercely.

"I remember," she whispered. "I remember everything."

Lee pulled back and held her at arm's length, eyes searching hers in amazement. "You remember everything?" he echoed softly.

She nodded, overcome by emotion and unable to speak. Tears pooled in her eyes.

"Everything," she choked out, chin quivering and eyes blinking furiously as they sought to hold in the tears.

Lee smiled and one hand reached up to cup her cheek. "My Starbuck is back," he whispered. "Good. I've missed you."

"Buck, buck," Tessa sang out proudly.

A smile broke out on Kara's face and the tears fell freely as she lessened her hold on her emotions.

"It's nothing to cry about Kara."

She nodded. "Yes it is. I was so horrible to you. I did awful things. Awful." She put Tessa down and wiped her eyes. "I'm so sorry Lee. I hurt you so badly ..."

He placed a finger over her lips. "Shh ... that's all over now. We have a chance to start again and if we both work at it maybe we can get it right this time."

She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in it. His warm, masculine-scented neck ...

"I love you Lee and I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you. I promise I'll never hurt you again."

"You probably shouldn't make promises you can't keep," he whispered in her ear.

She turned to look at him, a slightly hurt look on her face.

He tightened his grip around her waist. "I just meant these things sometimes happen without being intentional. You and I often have a way of being at odds with each other and sometimes we end up hurting. What's most important is that we learn to forgive and not get stuck where we're at and not be able to move forward."

"Ma-ma," Tessa said, holding her arms up and patting them against Kara. "Up."

They broke apart and smiled down at the little girl. Kara picked her up and held her tightly. "This is your daddy Tessa. Lee is your daddy."

His eyes found hers and held them questioningly.

"I know Lee," she said softly, answering the unspoken question. "But I want _us_ to be a family. I want _you_ to be her father."

Lee threw his arms around her and sandwiched the little girl between them. "That's what I want too," he whispered in her ear. "It's what I've wanted since the first time I saw you holding her."

Kara tightened her grip, afraid to speak lest she burst into tears again.

"Ma-ma," Tessa protested, squirming in their grasp.

"Okay munchkin," Lee laughed, pulling away and letting Tessa drop gently down to the deck.

"Let's go home," Kara said, eyes gleaming with invitation and promise.

"You go ahead. I'll be there soon. I've got something I need to do first."

Kara's brow furrowed quizzically but Lee didn't offer an explanation so she didn't ask.

"Soon, I promise."

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee stood before the hatch, inhaling deeply as if to give himself courage for the task ahead. He wasn't looking forward to confronting Dee yet again, but his father had been right, he did owe her a personal explanation and apology.

He put a hand on the hatch, pulled it and stepped inside.

Dee was there, talking animatedly to Gaeta. Her face fell as soon as she saw him there.

"Hey," Lee said hesitantly, breaking the awkward silence his presence caused. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Gaeta shared a quick look with Dee. "I'll leave you two alone. Dinner, 1800 hours?" he said.

"I'll be there," she assured him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Apollo." Gaeta nodded as he passed Lee on his way out. Lee nodded back, unspeaking.

"Listen, we uh ... we need to talk," Lee began but Dee's sad face stopped him.

"Yeah, I know what you're going to say," she said quietly. "You told me you loved her before and since you've been her shadow ever since she came back I've kind of gotten the picture - you're dumping me for her."

"Dee, I ..."

"I'm not stupid Lee. Maybe a little slow, but I'd have to be stupid not to see what's happening right in front of me. You told me you loved her and were going to stay with her no matter what happened." She lifted a hand a waved it. "Go. You've made your choice. I'm not going to stand in your way."

"I'm sorry Dee," he said softly. "I never meant to hurt you."

She studied him for a moment. "I believe you," she said, just as softly. "But it happened anyway. Don't worry, I'll get over it."

"I'm really sorry for how things turned out," Lee said again. "I hope it works out for you with someone else. Felix maybe?"

Dee flushed slightly but given the normal pallor of her skin, Lee couldn't tell.

"Maybe. He's a good friend anyway so it helps to talk to him."

Lee smiled weakly at her. "I'm glad."

Dee could see he was uncomfortable, obviously trying to decide if giving her a hug was appropriate. She decided to be magnanimous.

"Go. Get back to your family Lee. They need you."

Lee's eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Go ahead. And good luck. I've a feeling you might need it ... being with Starbuck and all."

"You're probably right," he admitted, smiling genuinely now. "Thank you," he added softly.

"Go on." She smiled and nodded at the hatch. "Get lost."

**oooooooooooooooooo**

Lee walked the short distance back to his and Kara's quarters, heart feeling lighter than it had in some time. He'd been happy at Kara's safe rescue, happier still when they'd talked through everything, and ecstatic when she'd told him she remembered everything and yet still wanted to give them another chance, but deep inside there was a part of him that still felt bad for what he'd done to Dee, both all those months ago and since Kara's return. Having her set him free and wish him luck, albeit with tongue in cheek humour, took away a chunk of guilt that had been slowly eating away at him. He knew she wasn't as happy about the situation as she was pretending to be, but she was a survivor and she'd make it through.

And the spark he'd seen between her and Gaeta couldn't be denied ... perhaps in time she'd find a better match in him than Lee could have ever been for her.

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

Kara had just sat down with Tessa on the floor of their quarters when there was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," she called.

The hatch opened and the Admiral stepped inside gingerly.

"Hello Admiral," she said, giving him a small smile. Tessa, in contrast, had a huge face-splitting grin when she caught sight of him.

"Hello girls," he said, smiling as he sat down on the edge of the bunk, obviously holding something in his closed fist. "I have something for you Kara. I'm not sure if you'll remember ..."

She lifted her head to meet his gaze directly. "I remember everything Admiral," she said, interrupting him.

"Everything?"

"I think so." A hint of a smirk graced her face. "The good, the bad and the ugly."

"I'm glad to hear your memory's returned," he said warmly. "Then I suppose you'll know where this comes from." He stood, leaned over and dropped the something into her hand.

It was a long chain with a dogtag. _Her _dogtag. The one she'd given Sam when she'd promised to return to Caprica to rescue him. He'd worn it ever since.

"Where did you find this?" she asked hoarsely, squeezing it in her hand tightly.

Adama sighed. "It was apparently found on one of the bodies in a mass grave on the planet's surface. The marine who found the bodies just collected the dogtags and gave them to me. I put them aside till I had time to organize a memorial service, and it wasn't until this morning that I took a peek at them in order to start preparing my speech." He paused a moment and the silence held warmth. "I presume you gave it to Samuel?"

Kara nodded. "When I left him behind on Caprica," she whispered. "It was my promise to him that I'd return."

Adama nodded, feeling tears prickle in his eyes. Soldiers weren't supposed to swap dogtags or give them away but he understood the need she'd had to leave a little piece of herself behind for him.

He put a hand on her shoulder lightly. "At least we know he's at peace now. Better that than if we never knew if he was still alive and we left him behind."

Kara nodded again, eyes filling with tears. Though she didn't speak Adama knew what she was thinking and turned to go, leaving her with the space she needed.

"Thank you," she whispered as he reached the doorway.

He nodded, a sad smile and a nod his only goodbye.

Kara opened her fist and stared at the treasure within for a long while ... till Tessa grabbed it and began to play with it.

She laughed out loud, the tears spilling down her cheeks as the toddler chased away the grief she was beginning to feel. She wiped her face as she placed the chain around her daughter's neck.

"Here. This is yours now."

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

He pushed open the hatch quietly in case Tessa was napping but the room was filled with happy laughter as she and Kara sat on the floor and played together. He sat down beside Tessa and the little girl immediately crawled into his lap.

"Lee ... da - dee," she said proudly.

"That's right munchkin," Lee smiled, smoothing back her hair.

She shook her head. "Not much-kin ... me Tessa." She pointed at her chest.

Lee laughed. "That's right. You are Tessa. But I call you munchkin because I love you."

She climbed up him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Lee noticed the chain as she hugged him but it wasn't until she pulled away that he got a look at it. His eyes immediately flew to Kara's neck once he read the name engraved on it.

Kara saw the recognition dawn in his eyes and nodded. "It was the one I gave Sam. Your father gave it back to me."

"Are you okay?" His blue eyes radiated concern as the implication of her words sank in. She searched his eyes and found sympathy ... but also something else. Jealousy perhaps? Fear? Fear of losing her after he'd finally gotten her.

She reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it lightly to reassure him. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Something passed between them that moment, as though an invisible line had been crossed, one that neither of them had realized was there.

Desire flowed like an electrical current between them. It was only just suppertime though and they were both acutely aware of just how long it was going to be before that desire found consummation.

They shared a look, rife with unspoken meaning, before heading off to the mess hall for dinner.

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

The hour they spent at dinner was torture, absolutely torture, for Kara. Every look from his piercing blue eyes shot straight through to her heart and made it ache. Every touch of his body - his hand accidentally brushing against hers as he helped Tessa with her food, his elbow as he cut the 'meat' into bite-size pieces, his leg softly touching hers as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat - filled her with an aching she'd only ever had fulfilled in the short time they'd given themselves to one another before she'd screwed it all up by leaving him and going back to Sam.

From the way Lee kept shifting his body around and the way he strove to look anywhere but her, eyes meeting hers for a fraction of a second only every so often, she could tell this was as painful for him as it was for her. Those few seconds she looked into his eyes she could see her own desire and depth of feeling reflected back at her.

When the evening came to an end it was all hazy and she could barely remember how she'd gotten through it. Helo had come to sit with them during dinner and though the conversation (and play with Tessa) had been animated, Kara couldn't remember a word of it. And the next hour - playing with Tessa, bathing her and telling her stories before bed - she got through in an almost drugged-like haze. There was only one thing on her mind, her body taut like a pulled piano string, vibrating with desire every time he came within her personal space. And because this was Lee, he was almost constantly in her personal space ... as though he couldn't bear to be out of arm's reach.

As she crossed the room, stretching the kinks out of her legs from the time she'd spent lying with Tessa till she'd fallen asleep, Lee came towards her, arms outstretched. He clasped her around the waist and their foreheads touched.

"Kara."

It was barely a whisper, but the small, soft word carried a weight it had never had before. A weight of promise, of hope ... of love. Of willingness to submit self to the other in complete vulnerability, the way it had never been between them before.

"Lee."

Her only answer. Only one word needed to answer all that had been asked and given.

One hand slid around her back while the other reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together.

"Dance with me?" he whispered, beginning to sway slowly to the music only he could hear.

As she opened her heart to him, fully for the first time, the sweet strains of the music began to make themselves heard. Music only the two of them could hear. She knew in her heart that the music had always been there but she'd always pushed it aside to dance to her own tune, positive she'd needed to lead.

Only now was she realizing that surrendering herself to the music that existed between them made the dance so, so much better.

A dance that she wanted to dance ... forever.

_ fin _

**A/N: **I want to thank everyone who's read this story all the way to the end. Bravo to you for sticking with it this long! I know there have been times I've updated multiple times a week but there have also been many times weeks and even a month have gone by and I haven't updated and frankly I'm surprised so many people stuck with this story. Thank you so much for not giving up on it! I made a promise to myself (and to you mentally) that I was going to finish this - as I know I've left previous stories unfinished. I'm not going to do that anymore. They all get finished from now on. And in fact I'm going back to work on some old ones after this. But thank you again for reading and for all the lovely, lovely reviews all the way through. You all make the time and effort worthwhile. I put a lot of myself into my stories and I'm thrilled to pieces when people enjoy them. :)


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